I struggle to find a balance between caring too much and caring too little.

Life is a segway
If you let God handle it
It balances out.

Sooooo maybe I got
Unreasonably angry.
Maybe I got illogically riled.
And maybe I let my childish emotions
Get the better of me
And I ran with them, rampant and free.

How does one find
The balance in life
Of feeling but not feeling too much?
Of not pendulum swinging
From uncontrollable loathing
To indescribable bliss
Or inexorably blithe?

To feel but only to feel enough!
To be but only to be just right!
Never too little and yet not too much!
Finding the balance is every man's plight.

I like sitting here.
I like wondering off,
Into the abyss.
I like documentaries.
Looking into other peoples' lives.
Seeing their problems,
Their scars.
It makes me forget of my own.

I dont know how
to deal with the good.
Ive been going through the bad
Day in,
Day out.
I got used to crying.
So to my surprise,
I got what I wanted.
I felt undeserving.

Was I dreaming?
I might as well been.
I ignored all other aspects of my life.
Because being loved,
Is the best feeling in the world.
It feels weird even typing it.
I feel that if i say it,
That it will be taken away,
Just as quickly.
I wanna return the love,
Because I have it.
I just am guarded too.
I don't want him to figure me out.
If he does,
When he does
...

He'll be gone.

Im not sure why he's here.
Does he like me?
All of me?
Ive let myself slip through the cracks,
And not I've made my way,
Back to the bottom.
Looking at myself in the mirror,
Wiping away the tear.
Im flooded with disappointment.
Im happy with myself.
But others aren't.
They will make false assumptions.
But I could just say
"You don't need them,
Who cares"
But...
I need him.

Ive wrote all these poems.
All about him.
But now,
Im scared.
What will
He think?
But you know what,
Here's what i think,
"Im too fat,
And your too skinny.
We're not too smart,
But we look so pretty,
Sittin' by the fire,
Talkin' the night away."

I mean
      that I am trying to tame
      the wildfire in my heart
      built on the Embers from a
      domesticated bonfire
      during a winter many springs ago.
      i thought i had stamped it
                                                         out
                                                      out out
I mean
      that I am not trying to run
      i'm just trying to move
      in a different direction
      the scent of a breeze caught my nose
      and as i am a red tailed fox
                                                       i follow
I mean
      that sometimes i feel like
      my dreams are much bigger than me
      but even if i am a ladybug
      i am still as big as the
sea.

Perhaps we could give each other insights,
Ideas, ways of thought,
Ourselves, the points of departure,
Ourselves, like complimentary colors,
The frequencies I lack, I might find,
And the frequencies you lack,
might, too, be filled.
Know what it means, this joy,
Know what it means, this sorrow,
Perhaps the darkness confused me too much,
Perhaps your joy confused you too much,
Do you shun your feelings
      because they make you weak?
I wallow in mine to make me strong,
Like each muscle fiber, torn in the making,
I trained , unwitting, but found,
The pain unavoidable to risk the pleasure,
Euphoria, plain joy, or humble contentment.

I tried fixing you
Instead the universe broke me
Showing me there are many roads
To balance
I thought you needed repair
Turns out my bleeding despair
Clots better
Knowing our plenty wounds are shared

I should rejoice
In the equilibrium
Yet a part of me still burns
At the path you’ve been set upon
Knowing your strength in darkness,
Guessing your brilliance in the light