Yes, I am messy and beautiful
I am fragile and brave
Passionate and lazy
Either you can stay and accept,
embrace the whole me.
Every bits, mistakes and elegance
Or just be gone.

I read a lot of poetry.

Many by poets
who think they write good poetry
and many by writers
who think they write bad poetry.

I guess I have a thing
for bad poetry.

today,
my daddy told me i'd never be enough.
my chest opened up.
to know it is one thing, to hear it -

i am careless,
and i do what i can to hear it.
to let it trap me in the wallpaper
and the floorboards.

i will never move.

dear lord,
everything is too much,
not enough.

how can one be so full of desire.
how can one be so devoid of want.

my chest opened up -
that hole grows.
it never heals. scar tissue on
words but all it is
is emptiness.

You breathe words down my neck,
that there's no gold found on me,
that instead of gold my fingers leave dirt behind,
that my tangled hair reminds you of weeds in the garden,
that my legs are filled with bumps and scars,
that my stomach protrudes too far,
that my thighs are too robust,
that hair on my skin is only the devils invention.

The brown skin you press against,
is far from the vibrant soft metal of gold,
you'd remind me time and time again,
and I'm lucky that there's a fool looking for me.

I wish I didn't exist  
All I ever do is cause trouble and distress
Everything bad that ever happens is because of me
So let me end it and show the world
That laiba is the worst person in the world
Goodbye and good luck

I let out a deafening sigh
as I bid you my final goodbye
I tried to stop the agonizing shivers
but it resulted to weakening whispers

I know our love was quite unpredictable
Too young, too bold, too vulnerable
I bet time had long known we’re impossible
but we cannot remain forever indestructible

My spine must have known the weight I carry
And my heart and tears seem to betray me
For I have sought for every answer to this
Whilst I’ve clearly known I would be remiss

Fate must be laughing at us now
We learned why yet we still chose how
And now all I think about is that crazy kiss,
How you saved me as we made memories

I looked at your sweet sad eyes
I’d never forgive myself if I tell you more lies
I’ve lied enough just to forget you
It’s clear now, no sin would make me do

Suddenly, it all arrived to my mind
How I need you, how I can’t leave you behind
While you taught me love, you taught me pain, too
But I’d rather lose myself than lose you

If you’re the wound I need to endure
Then I won’t waste time finding for a cure
If you’re the storm the world has to give
Then I’d take the casualty you shall leave

If you’re the suffering I’ve got to face
Then I won’t even try escaping the maze
If you’re the old habit that dies hard
Then I can attest that indeed, you are bad.

Your games and
childlike attitude
always put me
in a bad
mood.
It's like you
were trying your best
to leave a
permanent crease in
between my
brows.
- frown.