I toss, I turn.
My blankets—too warm,
then too cold,
like storms across my skin.
My thoughts go.
Never silence—
just a pain burning behind my eyes,
a mind wired
to a clock not built
for this reality.
I get up and circle my room,
Sit down, play a tune,
Write my ghosts onto paper,
Reshape my pillow.
A breeze,
a hum,
a passing car—
all rise like ghosts,
but none loud enough
to drown the ones in my head.
“Please be quiet,”
I whisper to my mind.
But instead,
it grins and says:
“Remember what you did 10 years ago?”
“Wasn’t that moment strange? Embarrassing? Wrong?”
I give no reaction.
I’ve learned:
engagement feeds them.
So I lie there,
Handing off insane,
hoping the ceiling swallows me whole
And take away my pain.
I cannot shut off—
not until I’m lowered, into a silence
Surrounded by the mournful,
deep enough to dull the thoughts,
until I’m sealed away
and my mind finally softens.
