15th August:

It supposed to be my grand day,
Where people celebrates my birth,
Throwing parties and hand shakes,
Spelling out birthday wishes,
Gifts,
Cakes,
Hugs,
and kisses.

In reality,
I wasted my grand day.
I sit back and isolate myself.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

But I felt that it doesn't even matter,
to not celebrate it anyways.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

But nothing can stop my dull emotions,
and decided to let my day goes away.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

But no one seem to care about it anyways,
and so I kept my second week of August dull,
avoiding conversations and outings.

2 months ago, I had a dream,
of me, lying down in my death bed.
I screamed out of frustration of being death,
but gladly, it was only a dream,
that woke me up from my bed.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

Where I would be the main character on the 15th August,
Doing things I could not do, and
Enjoying the luxury for one day.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

That I must be grateful,
that I lived,
and aged another year,

But somehow...
These days...

I felt that birthdays are just another day,
and I felt there is no necessary need to celebrate it.

It was supposed to be my grand day,

But these days, I don't even mind about these things,
I am not that old yet, but
Seeing through my days,
Putting a full stop to my timeline
would still be an okay for me.

16 | 31 Poems for August

This poetry is a reflection of love, I’m just here to explain it.
The world is my canvas, you should see all the pictures that I’ve painted.
Violins violently playing symphonies of pain and misery.
It’s not a mystery how I have God sitting right here next to me.
I’m heading home from church, but this time I’m walking alone.
Sometimes reflections bring a sense of regress.
I smile even though the world keeps elevating my stress.
These hands have held together fragments of a fragile conversation.
We are able to talk for hours because these words flow with no hesitation.
You are lost in the world and you’re always left feeling alone.
Friends should never lose hope in trying to find their way back to one another.
Wherever you are I hope all these words find you.
Love is a beautiful thing and I’m here to remind you.
I’ll hold you together, I’ll help you rediscover the splendour in your smile.
Everything will be alright even though we haven’t seen each other in a while.
I’m in the dark about all the problems that you’re currently facing.
So lead me into the light and refrain me from being complacent.
Even the congregation knows you cannot always save everybody.
But hey, it wouldn’t hurt to at least try to save somebody.
We are all fighting different battles, losing limbs in the midst of war.
Maybe someone needs your love and light now more ever than before.
Maybe you could try saving somebody tonight.
God got us, I know we will all eventually be alright.

15 | 31 Poems for August

I’m slowly progressing but progressing nonetheless.
The worst thing I could do is give up on myself.
The worst thing I did this week was give up on myself.
Sometimes dreams delayed feel like dreams denied.
If you asked how I’m holding up and I responded by saying “I’m okay” then chances are I probably just lied.
Everyone’s caught up in their own world, if you don’t see me tomorrow then know that I tried.
I’m sorry I don’t want to bother or burden anyone with my problems.
I know you’ve never seen me cry but I can no longer hide all that I’m feeling inside.
Some people suffer in silence because of self-importance and a little bit of pride.
But that’s not me, I put my heart on paper and I let it all bleed.
But lately I’ve come to realise that not everyone likes to read.
So I ask myself, who am I writing all these resplendent poems to?

the fires of an august sun,
the leaves a dream  
of shadows.

I will miss these August nights
the neighbors partying in the next garden

wishing on shooting stars
drinking my third cider

the cat, catching moths
by the outdoor light

the music of a lost summertime
caught in passing rain showers

unwritten letters
playing on my mind

thinking that yesterday
it was your birthday, friend

& that each August
we've been separated

I have thought of you
even if you haven't thought of me

Leo: Remember everyone is fighting. Be patient, forgive, but never allow yourself to be a doormat to those who care less about you than you do them. Forget the wrath. Find the joy in the power it brings you.

Virgo: Do not stunt your growth trying to entertain the opinions of other people. You know in the end, you have to be the most important person in your life. Grow.

Libra: Quit running. You will never find yourself in other people, so stop trying. Desperation does not look good around your neck. Hold your chin high and look inside yourself for what you need.

Scorpio: Go. Stop leaving claw marks in your wake. Know that what you think you need is not always so. You are worth more than what you have been selling yourself for. Pride is important to you, but it is still okay to cry if you need to. Say goodbye to what is less than you.

Sagittarius: It is okay to say no. Don’t apologize anymore for having an opinion. Speak your mind, let yourself be heard. Do not quiet your desires for someone else’s.

Capricorn: The past doesn’t matter anymore. Close the book, shut the door. Stop searching for answers and know that it all happened for a reason. It will make sense soon if you let it.

Aquarius: Do not make friends with your demons. Clean the skeletons from your closet. Take a long walk tonight and allow yourself to feel the weight of sadness like a moth eaten sweater. Fold it up in the morning and put it in a box. Throw it away.

Pisces: Stop being selfish and cruel. Put the bourbon away, put your phone away for the night. Sleep by yourself and see what you dream of. People are not trying to ruin you like you are them. Forget revenge.

Aries: Let go. Do not cling to what you think is saving you. Do not drink tonight, do not tell them you love them again if you do not mean it. Be careful to not push away the people who truly care for the one who doesn’t.

Taurus: It is time to stop caving in on yourself. Reach out to someone, stop to smell the flowers. Find beauty in this world again.

Gemini: You’re almost done hurting. I know your mother told you the storm never lasts forever and you doubted her. Let the rain leave you now. It is okay to not define yourself by your sadness.

Cancer: Let the things and people you are bitter about leave you. Do not let memories haunt you any longer. Wash them off in the river while it’s still warm. Baptize yourself.

nothingsreallychanged
myemotionschangewiththemooncycles
eventhoug­htheydontstrayfarfromnnegative
anewbitteremotionsurprisesme
withe­achsuddenmoodswing
thingsjustseemtogetworseandworse
ivestuckmysel­finaperpetuallyneverendingloop
ofnothingbutselfdestruction
things­arentgettingbetter
andivecometotermswithit
sotillitends
illjustsi­tbackandexpecttheworse

10 | 31 Poems for August

What’s a painter left to do when his muse is missing?
The paint doesn’t stick to the canvas like it’s supposed to.
Today he was cut deep by all the harsh words she said.
He never understood all the ludicrous games she played.
So far gone, she left with the forest that’s why he’s barely breathing.
He wanted to see her happy but couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving.
It didn’t matter how he felt, she was bound to leave anyway.
It didn’t matter what he did, she was bound to leave on any day.
What’s a painter left to do when his muse is missing?
The paint doesn’t stick to the canvas like it usually does.
Maybe they were never meant to say goodbye.
Maybe if she didn’t leave, they’d still give love another try.
He never knew how toxic she was until he got to breathe in fresh air.
He never thought such heartbreak was something that could occur to him.
The grass is greener on his side but today it needed a trim.
The world is his canvas and she will always be his muse.

The smoke and vapor permeates
through the room
Before it dissipates
into the air and out the window

from a thick fog
to a gossamer

to nothing

I was fine with the atmosphere
You said you were choking
That I was smothering you
Which didn't help my cigarette addiction
I kept falling for you harder
I mean smoking harder

So you turned on the fan
and you opened the window
Like you forgot I got addicted
by smoking with you
When you were in love as much as I was.