"Break this curse on my love life!"

I exclaim to the universe

I blame the men

I blame the planets

I blame myself:

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Why am I not good enough?"

I call it bad timing, their loss

I am strong and smart and I'm getting by just fine on my own

Ignoring the love shaped hole in my heart

It's all just bad luck

Woe is me

When will I ever get a break?

I looked in the mirror today

Freshly clean after a ritual bath

Born anew after a lunar eclipse

I stared myself dead in the face and found gratitude

Gratitude for the love I do have in my life

Yet humbly seeking more

I said, "I would like more love in my life!"

"I welcome more love into my life!"

A message came back to me as I stared into my own soul:

"You are the one sabotaging your own love life"

Immediately I felt release

Release in the realization I am the one getting in the way of real intimate love

I named all of the things I need to change

Intuitively, I just knew

My heart is closed

I play games

I claim to be shy and awkward yet really, I always wait for the other to reveal their cards first

My signals are mixed; throat chakra blocked

Too afraid to go after the love I desire

Lesson after lesson, failing each test

Now I understand

There are no games in true love

There is no doubt in the world that yes, this is the person

This is organic chemistry

There is no fight, no going against wills

No question of mutual interest

No forcing something that isn't there

Simply all the right elements in the perfect combination, at the very right moment

Sparking, catalyzing

Grounded in reality

Finally, I understood

Finally, I broke the curse

Giant golden orb, primed,
the Scorpions tail delivers her blow
And I, in futile preparedness,
crushed between her barb and the centaurs insecure rage.
Unabashed love the second casualty
as Mars raised his sword 3 times and struck with Aries force,
a tsunami into gentle waters.
Later the fish, the fish in the whirlpool,
he chewed mercilessly,
he was not hungry for flesh but for innocence
and he feasted to corruption.
And I, with bitter hopefulness,
purged the fish through one way inverse fury.
Adrift at sea, the second god of war,
carried to lucent quartz shores,
captured the tsunami for his salvation, dragging her to the desert.
And I, all watery doggedness, laboured for her a thorny oasis
from which the second god of war was banished.
Whence fair daughter of Gaia in refined tenderness,
delivered the gift between life and language,
Blushing song of refuge.

Lake-wet and found forgiving,
patch-work body and pasture-raised pleasure,
rolling in the grass and basking in
bare-skinned clarity.
They were right, you are a fairy.

Water filled to the brim, may I drink from your fountain,
may I toss my pennies in,
and is a wish like a prayer,
or should I save my change for rain?
Filling puddles like copper lakes,
putting a snake in for Heaven's sake,
splitting my own rib and calling it mate.

When I first saw you it was just your reflection,
you caught my attention, doubling your beauty with your liquid presence.
I asked if I could come in and take a dip in your drip,
you nymphaeum of bliss,
and you said "Yes, yes but not yet.",
like the breath we share before a kiss,
like the moment before sunset,
like the bed unmade around our shapes,
like the ripples our forms in this pool radiate.

I must grow gills because you took the breath right out of my lungs.

Love me, Pisces, Venus smiles for us.

I may not be as
horrible as hunger burning
like salt in a wound
or as
cruel as centuries of colonizers
but I can be almost
as unbearable.

When the weight and wrath
of reality seeps in,
I spew it out.
I take others along for
a weeping woeful ride,
knowing all too well that
my universe of pain is so intense
that they would live in it too.

I saw no problem with this
until the wrath was no
longer mine but the world’s.

Now I try to
sit with the feeling
instead of becoming it.
I never want to be
the one who does not
get to collect
a new harvest of mangoes
worrying about the rain.

Another day for discovery, another dance of fate
One that's guaranteed to please, the stars have set this date
The twins are free, the moon is high, and Mars has come in line
And on this, the 5th, my lucky day, I have to rise and shine

With fingers crossed and wood well-knocked, I leave my lonely place
The words of the fortune cookie have put a smile upon my face
With lucky penny and rabbit's foot, my future must be sound
But, just in case, when I spy the ladder, I will choose to go around

I'm lucky 21 today and I've wished upon my star
No mirrors broke or salty spills, no black cats on my path
A brand new year, to quell my fears, and act on all my schemes
Today's my day, destined to meet, the stranger of my dreams
  
But as my lucky day unfolds, and my hopes are stretched and bruised
The world continues just the same, like it doesn't know my rules  
And expectation is not met, nor new advantage gained
For though the signs are all in  place, the day is just the same

What has gone wrong, why is this so, have I left something out?
This day should be so joyful, and make me sing and shout
Yet as day's end nears and I taste the tears, of disappointment and despair
A sudden thought occurs to me, that I can hardly bear

Little rabbit, tucked in my purse, and nestled at my side
Who offers luck and promises, a life changing surprise
He paid a price for lucky feet, for that which he was bred
He hops no more, and twitches not, for little bunny's dead

And as I ponder on rabbit's fate, a new thought comes to me
About my shining lucky penny, that grandma gave to me
That trinket has daily been with me, since I was only nought
Yet, didn't stop the darker days, that life and loss have wrought

And what of horsey, free and fair, who wants to run and neigh?
But lost his shoe and was tethered to, become a human's slave
My breath was short and my face was wet, as I sought the truth to see
That planets were indifferent and not aware of me

No clover found, no lucky star, no bad luck from spilled salt
And the dreamcatcher above my bed, also nightmares caught
And even old Saint Christopher, who was meant to protect me  
Didn't help the day I crashed my car into a tree  

And suddenly, I knew the truth, with my future plain to see
That all these things were not in control, that it was up to me
That sometimes we have accidents and illnesses and such
And objects would not be for us, a prevention or a crutch

That stars and numbers just exist and birthdays will come and go
And sometimes we will make mistakes, and life will ebb and flow
And realizing all these things, I suddenly felt free
And vowed then to prepare myself, for future misery

For all the rituals and the charms, and lucky numbers too
Had not produced a happy life, or made a future new
I would take control and steer my life, by my own deeds instead
For rabbit's foot could not help him, and sadly, bunny's dead

We loved so hard
dreamed too much
I felt our souls connect-
in the deepest parts of the ocean
we were drowning,
Faces white,
we struggled to breathe...
Held on tight until our hands turned red
We knew we'd fail,
as we did in our past lives,
as we will in our next.
And the fishes stared,
waiting to eat our carcasses,
We'd done this before,
We knew how it ends but we did it anyway,
I was luna, maybe you were my astral twin.

you can trust me
secrets
wishes
desires
all kept under my lock and key
they can’t hurt you
not unless they take my entry
and steal what was ours to keep
i would never betray my own word
only if you abandon me
the depths of my own knowledge
are often so bittersweet
filled with the voices of a thousand murmurs,
sayings that are mine to keep
admit it once,
i’ll lock it away
never for anyone to peek