i am the beast that swallowed the sun
i am who conquers all kingdoms to come  
i am the claw that sliced open the moon
i am the end that has started too soon.

i am the glutton who broke open the earth
drank dry the core that’s been there since its birth
i am the dawn of all lives gone unlived
eating all marrow the world has to give

i am the poison that runs in your veins
i am the anger that gnaws at your brain
i am the dusk that darkens the day
i am the night that steals light away

i am the beast that tore at the sun
i am the daughter, the prodigal son
i am the eyes that close, unaware
that i am the one who has always been there.

i am the demon that’s under the bed
i am the sickness inside of your head
i am the thief that steals away sleep
i collect laughs, they are mine to keep

i am the ghost that haunts the dead
only alive in the tears that they shed
i am sickness, i am decay
i am the cloud that weeps life away.

i am the beast that choked down the sun
i am the anger that burns in your lungs
i am inside you, the hatred you breathe
i am the ugly, the lies that you weave.

i am with you and you are with me
i am all that you cannot be
i am sickness, ill and despair
you and me, we make quite the pair.

t.
it's a malignant disease
a six-letter word; tipping off tongues
armed with locks and keys.
cloaked within the folds of lucid sight,
its bare grip, it holds tight,
suspending a sonorous expression of disbelief.

a.
there is no direction.
instead we are shoved onto the stage of shadows
for a lifetime of grief,
clinging to words of forgotten past.
if self-recognition is a sin,
then I am a glutton
starving for their hungry eyes.

l.
and so, insecurities grow,
and without mention
we chase for the escape to break surface tension.
rushing to dreams we were meant to prolong -
and although we're given choice,
we're still hunted in this vicious game
forced to put down
forced to ease
mirages,
conjured by delusions that everlast the time we're given...

e.
yet in my sleep I ask for mercy,
and glass eyes never shut.
I know I've lost my sheen,
still I yearn to deceive
poor reflections that plastered smiles
can no longer convey.

n.
oh the pride of the gifted!
how it has bestowed immortality to me
in this foreign home called vertigo;
now all I do is scream to slow down
on this never-ending highway,
polishing this obsession for perfection.

t.
my passion's run away,
i don't know who to please...
so to the victims of the pride:
forgive me.

I wish I could change myself to be
A person you haven’t touched
Or maybe I’d change myself to
A person who you’d find enough

The worst thing you can do to me is
Ignore me
And then think that will solve something
because we will be “calmer” “cooled down” “not angry anymore”
Yeah right
ignoring me only escalates my emotions
giving me time to think is a dangerous thing
leaving me to cry huge tears that soaked my face and my bed and left my eyes red and my throat sore is a careless mistake for a girl like me
Once my heart is cracked open
it crumbles like dirt in your hands
I am not a forgiving person
even if I wanted to be
I don’t have it in me to forgive someone for stepping on me like I am small
Inside I am bigger than you
I just have to find that part of me that got lost somewhere and I’ll be giant and so bright I’ll blind you

I let the rain fall upon my shoulders.
It is cold,
yet welcoming somehow.

I taste the salty sadness
as it runs in lines
down my face,
and drips off my chin.

After months of the emotional hiatus,
this storm has ended it all.

I feel the electricity welling inside me.
I wait for the lightning to strike,
before the deafening boom of thunder.

And I am awake.

For the first time in months,
I feel everything instead of nothing.
I am somber.
I am impassioned.
I am free;
to feel
and to let the feelings take me in their arms
and throw me until I can’t move.

This monsoon
is long overdue
and the numbness of emotion beats
the paralysis of feeling nothing.

The bitter taste in my mouth never seems to go away
It’s acrid
I’ve scrubbed my tongue clean, yet there it is, still gushing through my veins and roaring down my spine
Maybe I’m just too angry all the time
Maybe I don’t have a reason to be
Maybe I’m weak
Acrid
Sometimes you make cookies and all that’s left is crumbs
I used to pride myself in never crying
I guess I gave that up too