But what happened
I repeat
to the feeling of
loss
that eats at me now

In this little foreign town I sit
by accident
across from a hotel
where we once stayed

And my heart strings
strike a chord
with unbearable tension

It was so good
wasn't it?
And then I remember
I couldn't be your lover
I was only part way there
most of the time

I fantasized
about not being yours
the freedoms of aloneness
a breath without your scent

How many years I spent
wishing
to have what sits before me
These broken strings
This broken heart
The greatest broken promise

I recall a moment
when the woman
with the great jazz voice
asked me
if I loved him
and I couldn't answer
Even though I know
in some fractured universe
an unshaking love
existed

How many nights
I was tortured
with the shame of knowing
that the love you needed most
was conditional

And for how many years
you sat
in suffocating silence
knowing that to be true
and sacrificing your soul
that it wouldn't be so

In my attempt to shield you
from the pain
I harmed you beyond belief
And now we are
left
with no other choice
but to say goodbye
to the life we had together

In the end
I guess
I just miss my friend

was uttered in a
computer generated,
non-demeaning,
gender neutral tone
by the impersonal,
unemotional,
automated,
grocery checkout machine.

"Enter your customer ID now!"
demands the artificial human.

"And... if I don't?"
I query the metallic shell
of what once was
a minimum wage employee.

There was no reply.

silkEN KIng I know
It was you and not ANother
that first fashioned Adamu
and have championed our cause ever since.

Bochica Kukulkan Quetzalcóatl great healer, protector of man .....from the Spite of his Father's hand.

Who smites and annihilates,
sends plagues to his people
and demands their first born?
Who calls for war and blood and keeps man in the dark?

Compared to Yahweh your picture is saintly
yet you bear the blame
Of all evil in this world

The blind shall open their eyes once the truth unfurls.

I think I fell in love
With all this sky up above

As I sit here in Texas, Cedar Creek
It’s so hot, not even a leak

But all the people oh so friendly
The smiles they give are always free

Some likes the cowboys and some are longhorns
Texas is much different than the state of corn

They have Goodwill’s much bigger than you dream
With rows and rows of clothes, WITH  ATTATCHED SEAMS!

They have a Cowboy Church that welcome you in
Don’t fret or judge when you can’t make it back again

When they say everything is better in Texas
You should see what we eat for breakfast

I cannot wait to start a life here
Texas is now my home, with a Shelby always near.

In the aftermath of hell
there shone light upon the sea.
As if blessed by God himself
names were burned into the trees.

Every body, every bone
washed away and buried deep.
Seaweed wrapped between the thighs
of the stones He wished to keep.

I have made a pact with death.
And my soul is not my own.
I have sealed my fate and theirs
just to own my rightful throne.

Of the thousands I have watched
slain upon the greedy beach
All my countrymen and friends
I would use the bones of each.

“Gods of wind and gods of earth
I can see it in your eyes!
That you hate the Ocean Lord
As He drinks up all their cries!”

Filled with sympathy and love...
filled with weakness, steeped in hate.
I will rally every god
to meet fate at ocean’s gates.

I have sold myself to plunge
into depths after my death
But if all the earth can fight
I might keep my soul and breath.

So I’ll rally every king,
any source I can exhaust.
I will own the world of men.
I will never pay the cost.

“Gods of fire! Gods of rain!
Worlds will never be the same!
Come and **** the Ocean King!
Taint the water in my name!”

As the roots grow towards the water
and the fire licks the tide
I begin to realize slowly
that mine is the losing side.

As I watch my army crumble
I sink down upon my knees
All the gods I’ve called have fallen
their names written in the trees.

Of the thousands that have fallen
I ask why is it they’ve died?
Will the sea still remain hungry?
Can its King be satisfied?

My dark heart has become empty
I suppose it fits the sea.
Yes, the ocean now is calling
I must let the tide take me.

As I drift into the darkness
I can feel the ocean’s eyes
and then I begin to hear them
every soul...and all their cries.

There is dread inside my body
and my lungs tear from my frame,
but the current pulls me deeper.
This is fear, it is not shame.

I hear thundering and clanging
Like the sky is falling down
And it shakes the ocean floor
It’s a moaning, groaning sound

I can feel my soul attempting
To let go and meet its fate
But I feel a force inside me
With an appetite to sate

I can feel my body breaking,
But the King has blessed my eyes
I can see with perfect clarity
the fate my heart denies.

As the murky water thins
and the wails have met their height
I begin to see the horror
of the ocean’s appetite.

All the flesh and bone colliding,
used as blocks of solid stone,
and the souls of men are crying
mortar knit into a throne.

Living seaweed binds the frames,
hearts and lungs spill from the cracks,
Souls are tearing from their bodies,
spines are poking from their backs.

I can feel my jaw is fixed,
in pure terror as I scream,
I can feel it dislocating.
God, I hope this is a dream.

But the God I know is cruel
though at least He keeps his word.
My soul rips from its dead body
it’s the last sound that I heard.

And a thousand years from then
I have been at last reborn.
And from time to time I visit
the sea where my soul was torn.

They have sent down many divers
Said “A city must have fell”
but they hardly know the truth
that the ocean floor was hell.

And when I go out to listen
I can sense a soul or two
drifting up to meet its maker
as it finally breaks through.

I cannot reveal the horror
but it’s written in the trees.
All the names of those who fell
and my own name among these.

A verdict was reached today. A jury of my peers depicted my character flaws and the judgement ruled I am an awful human being. The defense tried to argue the validity of my consistency towards psychosis but the commonwealth didn’t buy it. Now I’m left here, awaiting my sentence.... as if I wasn’t already serving it. When time is a mere construct that passes awfully slow. What is to make of concrete walls when I’ve been trapped within the square my entire existence? A little more time. A few more dreadful stares. As if any of it really matters at all? Just give me my ball to bounce against the walls of this construct until my time is over. Satisfaction is a mere state of mind and perhaps if I get the angle just right it will catapult back in my face and end it all for good.