As I stare in the midst of darkness
My mind invite you in my thoughts
I shake my head in the hopes of getting you out
You forever present in my thoughts
But fail to show up on my doorstep
Or send a mere text

I hate how my mind always defend you
"Maybe he hasn't forgotten you", it says
"Maybe he lost your  contact details" it adds
"Or maybe he's  just to busy to contact me" I correct it
"Or maybe he never wanted me" I add

Everytime my phone beeps I used to wish it was you.
Maybe you finally remembered that I exist
Thanks to your absence,
My heart is as cold as ice, and
Hard as a rock

Now when my phone beeps, I hope it's one of your BELOVED family members
With a message that you got hit by a bus.

Wake up to a pulsing morning.
Sooner than you know,
circles back to ******* Monday.
               Empty batteries.
               Empty call log.
               Empty stomach,
and ash-mouthed, empty-hearted anger
leaves its streaks on the walls
of the insides of the skull--
               it's a kitchen, that mind you got:
it's covered and crusted--well used I suppose--
but smells funny, needs dusted
               and swept
               and mopped
               and wiped down
               and shined up. Dress down
the absentees in your life--I'm sure you know how--
'til it circles back 'round--
               to breakfast,
               to Monday,
               to you.
             In your bed.
Fight the throb in your head and push back
on the sheets that still rush up to claim you--
slack jawed with maimed thoughts--though it's
late in the day.

Absence
Makes the heart grow
Fonder
What about my mind?

I've lost connection
You are gone
I can't feel you
Reach you

I feel so **** lost
I hate this part of me
Dependent
Needy

I don't want to
I can't
Need
You

But once again
I can't help
But reach out
For you

My hair gets caught in everything and I,
I'll never really learn to sing
I'm alive and all my limbs, their working
I should get it the **** together.

But I forgot to mention how I'm shaped like a square
How my legs will not pass that eight minute mark
I eat til I'm sick and I'm afraid of the dark
I am space unfiltered.

If people are acidic then I am a base,
There's no thing I've not done that is not in bad taste
I'm a good person only cause if not, I'm a waste
I feel jilted.

A casserole of other peoples roaming vices
Not mysterious enough to be considered lifeless
It's not dreadful, or sad
It's not even a crisis

The prescription exists and it says to just fade
Just fade until the ground becomes sky
Not depressing, nor anguished
I've already complied

I'm here to check names and recognize faces.
I'm here to watch people fill their perfect circle spaces.

You wait for it
but it never comes.
Sometimes,
you feel like stopping,
you feel like giving up.
But how can you do that
when it’s the only thing
you've been wanting
all these years?

Tengo un corazón sediento.
And I want to get drunk.

A thousand love poems yoking to pages you will never read.
Though some have slipped from my reach,
Seeking refuge from the muse, responsible for their existence.
L is for lion.
And is what you are.

What does it mean,
When he doesn't come home.
What does it mean,
When I'm lost and alone.
What does it mean,
If his love is postponed.
Or when he never gives it at all.

Define for me please,
Beauty, elegance, divinity.
I've heard it said, "A picture is worth a thousand words"
Define that for me please!
Am I worth a thousand words?
Am I beautiful, elegant, divine.
Have I reached the mark, or crossed the line?

Let me know,
If you love me so,
That I can stop seeking and hoping.
If I could just hear,
that I am good enough.
Let me know if you want to go,
Leave my heart alone,

Give my soul a break.
Yes, my essence cries out in pain.
There's only so much I can take.
This suffering is driving me insane,
If you're to stay be with me,
If not let me be.
I can't take this another day.

Alas I see another way.
Someone is here to take your place.
I need not a lawyer He'll defend my case.
From before this day,
He witnessed your crimes,
He's replaced all of your lies,
And left me a prize.