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My focus shattered into fractals
without kaleidoscopic sense.
No sensual words, no image tactile
having meaning two days hence.
I need to stop this over indulging of thoughts..
I think too much.
my mind races with thoughts that have gone too far.
I eat too much.
my body image is disillusioned and I torture myself every day because of it.
I speak too much.
I do all the wrong things
at all the wrong times.
I'm an unlucky vurtue sent into this world to suffer.
and if I'm not quite sure how much longer I can continue this battle
my deepest fear
is being alone.
forever writing to a mysterious lover
who's name i shall never know.
forever craving warm hands
to envelop my soul,
to wipe the tears from my cheek
and speak words that only poets can create.
I wish to have a someone that
understands...
I wish, I wish, I wish ..
but now I'm starting to believe
wishing is for the weak minded,
and my mind cannot handle this torturous waiting any longer.
  Dec 2014 Sydney Mae Dompier
Natalie
do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,

she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.

she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.

she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.

she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.
words are who I am.
words are what made me.
2 words, to be exact.
'I do' .
my parents would not have existed if it weren't for words.
'I love you'.
words build people up,
but they also can crush your entire meaning of existence.
words are the meaning of life,
without words
I would have no meaning.
thankful for my angels
thankful for my demons
thankful for the battle occurring in my mind.
I'm thankful to have experienced the torture
and the pain.
I'm thankful for the bad and the good
but mainly the terrible.
for if it weren't for the terrible,
I would not be where I am today.
whether that's alive, or a writer.
either way, my heart continues to grow and learn from my past mistakes.
i am a flower,
who's petals are sure to bloom soon.
I saw my nightmare today.
just a glimpse,
but if was enough to make my whole world come crashing down,
once again.
why is it that when I finally
find peace,
i find myself lower than I was before?
if this is a life test,
I'm not sure I want to continue to fight for breath in these dark waters.
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