emerald linen edged with jade
a book titled with my name

and it’s heavy.

i flip through the pages
but they’re blank.

or maybe they’re written
in a way i cannot see

or maybe it was never written at all.

or maybe it’s a reflection,
an empty book, an empty me.

& maybe I’ll write it someday.

I've loved many boys
With different colored eyes
But the way I remember them is
By the shape of their hands

The way their thumbs curved
Or how their palms felt against my own
The weight of them on my thighs
Or how they ran through my hair

The times they zipped up my dress
And settled on my shoulders
The moments when they grazed my own
As they handed me my keys

The motion of them as they spoke
And the motionless of them when they were silent
The smoothness of them in the beginning
And the calluses after time had passed

Sometimes, I forget the faces of these boys
Or the way their voice sounded over the phone
But I'll never forget the way it felt
With their hands intertwined in my own

She's ready.
He isn't.
She's willing to take the risk.
He isn't.

"I love you."
He whispered to no one
While watching her
Walk down the aisle
With her father
And him as a visitor.

If I sit in a corner, they all think I'm sad
Fine, whatever
If I'd rather stay in my room, they all think I'm moody
I'm growing sick of this
If I don't feel like talking, they say "Oh, she's a teen"
Can you please stop?
Maybe I actually don't like it when you make assumptions about me
So as much as I love you,
Leave me be
Can't I just sit around and... normal?

i
love
you

three empty words
i want to fill

three empty words
i want to feel

I have been
studying
the language of thuds
till a sailor
heard my heart
and deciphered
its tone

.. / -- .. ... ... / -.-- --- ..-

i miss you
like i miss the stars
in sky above the mountains
when i wander into the city
these street lights
just don't compare
and i miss you
like i miss the river
gently rushing over skin
this empty shower
just doesn't compare
i miss you
like nature
after deforestation
to our love
it was breathtaking
and it's fall
haunting

s.s