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 Jul 2020 Boi
If I could cut I wouldn’t forget
The little way you like things.
You see that’s how I programmed myself
To carve all the important details
I’d write “Die” so I could remember
I was only living until I had a chance
To achieve my ultimate goal.
I’d write “worthless”so I could remember
All the times I was a selfish *****
Who didn’t deserve to want things
I’d write “Please” so I could remember
All my nights begging for an end
Or even just relief on my cold closet floor
But you see those scars are fading
So I’m beginning to forget
And I can’t carve new ones
I’m sorry. So sorry. My memory slips.
 Sep 2019 Boi
love hacks
 Sep 2019 Boi
if you're ever wondering if you're in love
just think of that person as a flower
if you came across them
would you pluck it for yourself
or water it
would you water me?
 Sep 2019 Boi
at 16 years old i fell in love with a boy
with the most beautiful brown eyes i'd ever seen
god if he looked at you the way he does at me
i promise you'd fall too, but
i only paint in blue now
it's not his fault but
i'm kind of really worn down now
it's not his responsibility but
he's breaking all his vows now
says he's always there but
finds an out somehow now
i wish someone would just teach me how
to feel okay getting out of bed in the morning, i mean
i know it's the middle of january
and the skies are always grey
but the coldness is much deeper
and the frost comes by and freezes anything liquid
so i guess it makes sense that frozen tears are tripping
down my face
dripping over lace
lies and cries and "yes, i'm fine"s
and it's not just the snow
it's always the rain
disdained complaints of a battle with pain, i mean
every time i open my eyes a little piece of me dies
even with his lips
speaking poetry to the skies
i am still not sleeping at night
my lunch goes uneaten
even the way he touches me
never translates to my dreaming
the nights are always cold now
i've got no one to hold now
'cause the only other person that's ever slept in my bed
is off with the boy who only loved me in my head
i SWEAR i'm happy for them
oh, can't you tell?
i swear i'd smile for you
if i wasn't living in Hell
she was caught in those oceans
the same way as i did
but this time it's all them
it's not one-sided
and that was the first
start to the worse
syllables falling apart when we
used to be well-versed
i'm burst, feel cursed
no way to reverse
i'm sorry this is all over the place
it's a little unrehearsed
but he's running
and she's with him,
he finally found someone that can keep up
i never joined track freshman year so
i can't keep up
but i miss her
more than i kiss him
and yeah, that's a lot--
i guess that's the difference
'cause yes, i found my prince
but we're both struggling to be strong
finally buckling under the things
we've been hiding for so long
but the darkness is the one thing
not changing with the seasons
conspiracy against my own heart
is still technically treason
call me an anti-hero-- i was that night
body on the floor seizing,
doing all the wrong things
for all the right reasons
i'm both objective, subjective, painfully adept at
burning bridges and then regretting the decision
envisioned a better revision
not this painfully clear collision
incision, indecision
no good at provision

my words have become jumbled,
the truth blurs to lies
but he really does have
the most beautiful brown eyes.
rambling. . .

if you stuck to the end, thank you. i really needed to write this (more than you needed to read this).
 Sep 2019 Boi
 Sep 2019 Boi
an amber bottle full of dark secrets and broken promises
we press our chapped lips against the rim
the burn of the *** is the only fire left in my stomach
the shake of your hands is what i  feel in my bones
mommy taught me how to make a cocktail
before she taught me how to love myself
and long story short  i can make mixed drinks in my sleep
but self care is blacking out in the backyards of strangers

 Sep 2019 Boi
mail me home
 Sep 2019 Boi
your arms
are the return address
for the broken heart
i created
because you are
the only place
i want to heal

 Sep 2019 Boi
elle jaxsun
 Sep 2019 Boi
elle jaxsun
on the horizon
pastel clouds float
swirled by the breeze

underneath them
in awe of their color,
i only feel blue.
I challenged myself to use the words blue, breeze, and horizon or skyline.

You can try, too!
 Sep 2019 Boi
Maria Etre
I always say
it'll change
but the morning
will never be a sunset
 Sep 2019 Boi
A Cat.
 Sep 2019 Boi
A Cat is a Cat because we say it is
that does not mean to say that what we call a Cat
believes it so.
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