They say grief comes in waves
varying in size and intensity;
some start small, moving silently,
might seem harmless but engulf
me within no time and I
was never taught how to swim.

Thrashing and flailing in the water
I find it difficult to breathe.
The seas of sadness pull me far
into their abyss where there is no
light or hope to get out of the misery;
sometimes even that feels enticing and comforting.

On other days these waves come
roaring loud in the ears, threatening
to steal my ground away from me, often
I brave to surf over them with the
help of distractions and they
recede, scheming to gulp me down later.

Wonder how I end up on these shores every time
while on a train or on my bed, in a
classroom or in a conference hall, amongst
the crowded streets and when alone,
memories of yesterday strewn like sea shells
lead me to the waters and I can always hear their elegies.

And when the moon shines its brightest
on them, you get to see the scene of tranquillity
but deep inside my heart there is
a storm brewing slowly that takes
various names every season, maybe there is
one named after you too, who knows.

Do you want to come with me down
to the ocean of tears? We could let
those waves kiss our feet while we watch
the sunset together, I will tell you
all my stories and you could share yours too.
I hope you know how to swim.

it will be a busy day
again and I will come to
see you when I'm done
chasing after my dreams

I will feel guilty and
rehearse my apologies for
not letting you know that
I will be late today too

trudging down the streets
I will recall all the things
that I want you to hear
before anyone else does

right at the corner my feet
will turn to lead and a
fear will clutch my heart
"is this all you've got?"

I will have to keep moving
away from it but the distance
between the doubt and me never
seems to reduce in this lifetime

then in a daze I will
unlock the door to find you
in your favourite chair
looking out the window

it is here that my shoulders
will feel light and a smile will
spread on my lips, all of my
chaos will meet your calm

there will be worry in your
voice and anger in your eyes
I will be about to say sorry
and you will order me to come closer

I will walk straight into your
arms, close my eyes and whisper
the tenth sorry of the week,
you will simply heave a sigh

up in the sky as the sun sets,
bright orange will kiss the blue
and I will once more forget the
world outside when I'm with you.

It's never too lonely here
with a soul which has
a thirst that even the
oceans can't quench,

with a heart that holds
secrets dark and deep
where roots of the oldest
trees too can't reach,

with twinkling eyes that
dream the biggest of dreams
which even the shiniest
stars can't match.

It's never too lonely here
while I take this journey
inward, beyond walls and
boundaries to seek myself,

there's a light inside
you and me, so radiant
and warm, take its
hand and follow it,

ask it all the questions
you've always had and
the day you realise the
answers are within you
is when you too will say -
it's never too lonely here.

here you are
farther to my touch,
closer to my heart;
bridging gaps between
my heady desires and,
sanity and sensibility.

here I am
lost in your thoughts
and words,
dreaming about a hundred
springs and summers
that await us.

here you are
looking into my eyes
asking questions and
seeking answers; listening
intently to all the quiet
sighs and loud silences.

here I am
showing you the way
around and letting you
through the walls I've
built  without fears or
inhibitions of any sort.

here we are
brought together by
the distance but aren't
sure of treading the
paths we've never
been on before.

here we are
writing happy little
stories in sand until
the impending wave of
doom and despair crashes
into the castles of our future.

and here we will be
hiding behind
those tiniest of smiles
that keep lingering on
our lips which have always
reluctantly said goodbye.

These days ‘I love you’ sounds different.
It hides in the good morning texts with
a sleepy smile and asks me to eat on time.

It holds my hand tightly when
I am nervous and shaking, to
tell me that I am bigger than my fears.

There it lurks behind all those
times when my feelings and thoughts are
understood and acknowledged without judgement.

It remembers the biggest of my worries,
celebrates the smallest of my wins too
and is with me in every prayer offered in my name.

Through all the pain and sadness, it wipes my
tears promptly and lets me know that I am not
alone and that we will go through this together.

It disguises as another three words I
need to hear whenever my spirits are low
and whispers in a firm voice, “you are enough!”

To me that wasn’t so apparent.
So it comes again in the noon and leaves
a reminder to drink some water soon.

It breathes life into the countless promises
made to stand by me no matter what and
daily mentions without fail that I’m not naught.

Then it suddenly takes me into its arms and
like the mighty sun on a chilly winter day, spreads
the kind of warmth that I have always craved for.

It walks next to me, slowly, like my shadow
and says I have to believe in myself more
than anything else, even when there is no hope.

Time and again it surfaces in the form of
honesty and truth, builds trust and confidence
between us and holds our world from falling apart.

It sits in front of me and apologises for everything
done wrong, works on what could have been right
and strives to be better with every passing day.

These days ‘I love you’ sounds different.
Everyday it returns home in the night
and chides me to go to bed early.

It will always be more than just those three
words and from now on, I will pay attention
and show how grateful I am that it exists.

Here is my heart, shrouded in thick

cloaks and fortified behind tall walls.

It now sleeps in the lap of darkness

snug and sheltered from the unknown.

The palace of ice is its home and

everything around it is frozen, damp, impenetrable.

Not even the warmest sunshine could get

this far and deep into the realm of murky waters.

The muscles have hardened with age, the blood

barely makes it in and out of the doors.

As brittle as glass it had become, afraid

that it will shatter into pieces in someone's hands.

Never leave this place, it kept chanting these

words for years now, content with the cold.

But did it really want to stay here all its life

fearing and shunning everything outside its cavern?



Here you are, explorer of the distant worlds and

seeker of treasures that are worth more than gold.

Your strange maps have somehow revealed my

whereabouts that were kept secret all this while.

What made you take this path, I wonder, you

could've gone anywhere but you chose this route.

Thrice you knocked on my doors;

I was almost there, ready to unbolt and unlock.

Wait, said the heart, don't let that person in;

what if they hurt me, we don't want that now, do we?

But you stood there waiting for me to open up,

chiseling sculptures out of the ice to amuse yourself.

Little chinks were now forming in the walls;

at last, your perseverance has amazed me.

Maybe it would do no harm to peep out for a second,

I said to the heart, but was I really sure?



Here we are, standing on either side of the cracks,

fumbling to strike a conversation.

The heart raced around at full speed, no amount

of constant reassurance could calm it down.

It was then I heard you telling me stories about the places

you've gone to and the memories you made there.

Your voice thawed my heart, the blood rushed in it

and started making music inside me.

I sat down listening and the sun started to sink,

orange, red, pink, purple, the heart stared at the sky.

You taught it how to laugh, how to cry, how to

get hurt, how to heal, how to forgive and how to love.

The heart never felt so exposed yet safe, timid

yet composed, vulnerable yet at peace with itself.

Now when it opens the windows to breathe in some

fresh air, I ask it - since when did you get so brave?