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 Jul 2014 smallhands
em
I want to be by myself with myself
I don't mean to hurt anyone by my side
I just want to close my eyes and just not exist for a while.
While I was sleeping, someone replaced every single hair of mine with fiber glass.

Everything rubs me wrong.
5.
I drop four ice cubes into my coke out of habit.
I kiss my sweet love four times for good luck so our team can win the game.
I catch myself counting to four when Im ready to speak up, I don't count to three or even ten I count to four.

It was on my back in big white letters when dad looked through the chain linked fence and said with every ounce of his pride "Take it for a ride lex."
That's the day I got my first homerun.
That's my old man's favorite number and mine too.
Ill never know why I look at him like hes god.

He spelt my name wrong two years back.
The letters said L-e-x-i,
I whispered that's not how you spell my name it's spelled L-e-x-i-e.
I whispered because I didn't want to embarrass him, I thought if I talked quiet enough no one could see my lips break around the words in shock.
I was 5 when me and mom left him.
The number 5 is my most unlucky number it always takes something from me, like my dog, she was in my arms on the fifth of may when heaven called for her to go home.

Dad came the next day to burry her, the hole he dug was to shallow.
Days after her funeral foxes came and
scattered her bones across the field.  

It was a treasure hunt to find all of them, I tried to save her one last time.

I should really give that man a call.
I'll do it tomorrow , or I'll wait for him to call.
I'll count to four before I answer.
well this keyboard is intimidating
but jeez i can't keep
using a pen forever
so what if it's more
comfortable?

This poem looked better
When it was
Written down.
If I ever woke up in a surreal world
I would saunter into my sister’s room
With luminescent eyes and detached limbs
And feign as if it were the way of life
I’ve come to known and held as true

Then as she'd collapse into an outburst of tears
Her fractured reality abstracted to a menace
Her sister—me, glowering, conjured too
In a world where meaning is defunct, horrifying, lonely
I would laugh, because that’s what sisters do.
My headache is sitting next to me telling me things I already know.
Kept in front of me is a rough handmade paper
Its furrows are similar to my unsettled life
The thick graphite pencil I hold up to sketch
My anecdotes that has made an impact on me
As soon I start sketching, the graphite smudges
Leaving dark and ugly patches on the paper
And an indelible mark between my fingers
Depicting the dark shadow that has followed me
Everything I hope for, is daubed by overcast setting
When I take up the erasers to wipe off the mishaps
The friction creates a colossal mess on the dreams
I realize that I have distorted the sketch I started
But the deep lines of graphite stare at me sullenly
Such indelible sketches hover in my mind
Not even the best of erasers can wipe them off
I tried in vain, only to be left with abrasions
I have given up on drawing up any dreams
No longer, the handmade paper allures me to sketch
For I have used up all the graphite, drawing, failures
So many failures already etched in my memory
Left with nothing but the memories of defeat
Like the dark smudges of graphite, hovering my mind
The mirror offers you an image
Mirroring your inner-self
Also reflecting your thoughts
Imaging according to your perception
Either you are in alliance, what you see
Or shocked by the alter-ego hidden
Now reflected by the crystal clear mirror
Sometimes the clarity is a revelation
Difficult to comprehend
When you are in front of the mirror
Standing in front of another ‘You’
It’s a dual versus you and your twin
Always carrying that image in you
Now clearly exposed by the mirror
Reflection of the self, reflecting on your mind
Is it a union of duality?
Seamlessly bound, unaware all the while
Until you confront the mirror
Challenging you with the duality
Not a deceit, but now aware of the self
Is it that the mirror gives a self-realization?
What the mirror offers, is not only an image
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