The time has come to say goodbye....
Ive decided to give my life a try....
Up until now all Ive done is get high.....
I dont want to live this way and i dont want to die....

I need to go find a church...
Stay off of twitter and not be a lurch.....
It gets me stuck as I continue to search....
sitting like a bird out on its purch....

I need to get sober and get it together.....
Now is the best time......
So I can have whats left of a life.

I guess better late then never...

I really do miss you as sad as it is true.....
theres alot of things i wanted to be and do with you.

now i wont get to *** your long gone....
and its my fault...
eventhough you were in the wrong.

Summer was fun but now is gone....
I thought I was being nice and showed him I cared but I guess im wrong!
I won't ever forget him....
And will very much miss all the fun he brought me short lived as it was...
But memories I will forever have eventho all I want from his was his love!!
He was very special and will always be....
A cherished person eventho he always hated me!

I want u to use me for ur ****** pleasure .....
Make me beg and with u I will do whatever!!!

U were always so much fun....

Can I have one more day???

That's not much!!! Just one!!

Ur my heart and I can't let u go-
I don't even know how even if I wanted to!!
I constantly think about u and the time we shared
It's hard to forget u when my life has forever been impaired!

I wish we could be friends from afar....
It's not how I want it but at least  u haven't gone too far!

I'd give anythg just to talk to u a few times a week!!
That would be the best thing and I'd be so happy I'd totally freak!

But u hate me and it's over and done...
I don't want to marry u but in my heart ur number 1!!!!!

I hate the way I look so I get depressed
I hate the way I look so I do t love myself
I hate that  I have an addiction so I can't save money
I hate that I have an addiction *** it's hard for me to be punctual
I don't know how to fix this without help from anyone
How can I get my life back before I end up ruining the only one I have??

Oh no ....almost time to go...
I dont want to but this we all know..

I just  have one thing to say before I do....
I just want you to know that I will always love you!!

I get sad when you come to mind....
I have wanted you for so long.... i hoped one day you would be the one I would find..

I have loved you for so long....
I never stopped loving you even when i had a 'toy' to help forget what brought my saddness on...

Even when hed be here....I still looked for you *** it was you who should have been there.
Not once did i ever stop thinking about you......
I knew somehow you were behind it all in some way too...

When john died close to 3 yrs now.....

you were there to talk to me all the time...
making me feel better ....
getting the sun again to shine.

I wish it were that way now *** when my mom dies....
how will i  manage......  i ust dont know how...

You used to seem so much more compassionate and loving about life..
Now its not that way....
I wish i could go change it or so you can end it for me, just hand you the knife.

love the ex for helping me gets sober..
but hate what a ****** he is....



do love for helping get right tho.

I know I can work him.....for what I may need...
but is that bad and for my own greed?

I do care for him but not like the others....
I don't want to be with someone "small" after the "bigger" brothers..

I know that seems shallow and kinda selfish..
but why try to reheat something that isn't a tasty dish....

I don't want to lead him on and I don't want to be with him anymore...
Been there done that....don't need to do what didn't work before.

I know that he isn't my love or my mate for life....
He isn't the one I forever and to become his little wife...

Im glad that I got to spend the days I did with you...
even if now those days have long gone, bid adieu.

I am forever grateful that we had moments to share...
even though your not around now gone without a care.

You will always be one of my favorite summer pastimes that I had....
just wish it lasted longer  because loving you always made happy and that wasn't at all bad.

so much reminds me of you!



i wish the memories would leave as quick as u did!!

I wanted to love u but u only hate ...
That isn't a good mix when ur out on a date!

I have said it many times before
That I was so very sorry and wanted to talk some more!!

But u were done always said no
Just give me 30 mins if u don't like what I say u can get up and go

But instead u want to play with my head
And all I wish now is that I'd met someone else instead !!

I wish when we met that that person you pretended to be was really you..

that guy was the best.
He was so sweet full of compassion.
Very smart. Always corrected me if i said the wrong or spelled it wrong.
Always told me to take care and be safe at the end of the conversation.
He wasnt vendictive or would he be so childish as to "get you back" for something that he was wrong for in the first place.
He was a bit moody a few times but all in all he was dreamy.
He had a way that hed talk and it made me melt and id do anything he would ever ask.
I was so smitten with him.


I wanted him so bad and would have loved him forever!!!

But he is NOT REAL!!!!

He is YOU!!!!!

I guess he was right
I must be really ugly
And overly fat
That's why I'm all alone *** no guy wants that!!!

How can I just forget about you ....
when you meant so much to me.




I really did and still do...
honestly love you.!

I just wish for one minute that you could feel inside your gut....
how I feel about you....

then you would possibly know what an 'aching desire that yearns for another' feels like!!

Gosh he's gonna be here in a non or two...
This is somethg I do t even want to do!!

But get sober is someth I have to do
I just hope that after that I can be friends with u

Im not going to be on here much anymore......
it makes me sad that you dont talk to me much now....
I guess i meant nothing but i just dont feel thats the truth !!

I hate to read your twitter accts...it really upsets me ,
But what should i expect......

from someone who cheats on the "best friend" wwith some older chick for 4 months for money from some old *** guy.

I just need to keep telling myself that you hate me and i meant nothing to u.






so i will just sit and cry like i usually do.

yea break my heart again .....
whats that? twice?

the only problem is .....
its not not very nice.

I want to hug you and gives u kisses
But the empty hole inside isn't gonna be filled with love ...it only gets stitches!!

I do miss you but u didn't care
Guess I was just another number ....just a nameless body for u to do what u want with,
Whatever u  dare!

I really thought we bonded in some ways...
Guess I am wrong since u don't talk to me at all these days !!

U will always be one my heart will forever want!!!!
Just ***** *** ur ghostly memory will forever  taunt!!

im sick of being alone......
no one to love me and no1 there when i get home....

i need to lose weight since everyone is superficial.....
its better anyways so im healthy and not bloated and look like a jiant pickle.

I just need to not eat after work.....
its just hard when i work from 4 to close and get my food discounted which i guess is a perk....

But i need to do this to help me so i can find some guy who wont love me for me.......
unconditionally is how i want my love to be.....

Ive been thinking of how to do things to make a change..
Its just hard since I will have to go out of my normal range.

But I need to do something *** living like this isnt fun anymore...
I want to live a life free of addiction....which wont be like before...
I want to be happy and live life to the fullest and all it has in store.

I think about it and that makes me feel happy inside..
I may as well do it.....if I dont like it then at least I tried.
Its gotta be better then sitting alone each night and have cried...
I know it will be better  and it will give strength and restore my pride..

I want a life for once and I cant get it this way.....
So I am going to give it a try.....
I love myself enough to  do this and I will continue to pray.

It just hurts to know u don't care...
And who even knows if even did when u were there ??
You forced ur way into my life and I didn't want u there...
Then u drop me like old news and walk away showing u don't even care!!

It's just breaks my heat *** u say u want love so bad and there's no one there....
But then when u had someone you use them and play with their heart .....
Like it's some toy
And toys break!!!


How do u expect to find and love someone when u do things like this!????

i hate that im hurting......
longing for ur return......
the emotions inside are heating up,.... and they ******* burn.....


i wish i could talk to you
so i could let you know......

that your precious to me.....
and i never want you to go.

Even tho we met in a messed up way-
You will always be a main happy thought I will revisit again and again!!

I only wish it was like our visits previously ! Oh how I wish!!

Why do I miss you so much??
I dream and long to again feel your touch!!
Why can't we at least always be friends?
Being there to talk to the other if we are sad!!
Just be able to reach out and help change their mood isn't bad!!

It's easier to do things if there's someone there to cheer u on!!
It's hard to do it alone with no one there and you want to give up and not continue on!

I just miss you being here...
Since u made me like you when I met u my dear!!!

at night i think about u often since thats when we'd talk alot....
I will miss you very much. Not as much as i missed E, *** i was seeing him alot longer. But it is a great deal of heartache!!

You were sent to do evil......but you really didnt.

You made me see things differenly....
changed my mindset on things that had been a certain way for yrs.
You got me to tell my self i love mysel every day....even today i do it.
I always keep the ringer off otherwise it makes noise since its still set to the settings you made on the phone.
You got me to see the difference in an apology and from saying sorry.
You tried your hardest to get me to think better of myself and for that i am ever so grateful to you for that.

i dont know why u  did that and i probably never will know why but i do thank you.!!!

I really did care and love you.
take care sweetness....

luv u......
bye.
:(

God I just want to leave.... Seeing my car not running makes big time grieve!

I don't like feeling like I'm being a bother ....
I usually don't kick it this long one day after another !!!
I hate that I'm stranded  having to take a bus anywhere I go !!!
I just gotta remember this so next time do I ask for help?? HELL NO!

I am not beautiful so please don't continue to lie
If I was I wouldn't be so sad and lonely and by myself always cry!