It's just four words
But his knees are up his lips
Afraid it might not work in the long run
If she leaves one day
Will he ever find love again?
He loves her like the ocean waves kissing the shore
Like the sun burning despite sleeping but his love beating with fervor
For the gleaming moon with elegance in its eminence
But these four words are impossible for him to speak
"Will you marry me?"
Might never cease to exist

He doesn't know where to begin, for these four words overwhelm him
Flooded with excitement but doused in fear, losing his train of thought when she's near
His love for her burns a flame so bright, lighting up the darkest of nights
He thinks to himself, "we've leaped the hurdles of three words, I love you, I can do these four"

He imagined the first night with her
Will be the most intimate, not ***
But just being with her in bed
Pillow fights to jumping on springs
Talking until the sun rises
Knowing that this will be forever
With these reveries in his head
He cast aside all the enmities and fear inside
Looking at that Tiffany & Co Heart shaped diamond
He called her and said to himself
"This is it. I can do this."

Into the room she glides, glowing like an angel descending from heaven
With a questioning expression, exploring him up and down
She asks "Yes my love?"
With the confidence of kings, he kneels before his queen
Before a word slips his mouth, diamond rivers glisten
Streaming down her scarlet cheeks, he reaches out to her hand
*"Sweetheart, I would like to ask for your hand,
Will you be mine forever?"

I hear you saying
The games that they're playing
Are meant for the
Talented few.

But the power invested
In all of the best, is
The same one that rests
Within you.

People always wonder
why do people do drugs?
Why do people smoke?
Because it's one of the only things
that will be there for someone.
Love disappears
People leave
*Disasters happen
and that cigarette
will always be there
waiting for you to pick it up
and feel the calm that sweeps through your body.

Dear The Boy Who Is Wasting My Time and Emotion,

I can do so much better than you.

no you can't

You are hurting me, every time you speak to me, you break me a little more.

Get over it Princess. You deserve it. God, you're pathetic.

Stop texting me when you have a girlfriend

but you want him to, secretly

I am going to find someone someday who is so much better than you.
Someone who will treat me right instead of treating me like I'm his
Plan B. I'm going to find someone who doesn't drink and get high to
work out his problems when he can't even legally drive yet. That's not
called "being complicated and deep" as you seem to think, it's
called "being an alcoholic and a druggie". I'm going to find someone
who reads, who likes the same books I do and won't make fun of the
series I love that saved me from myself when I wanted to **** myself.
I'm going to find someone with a good heart, who CARES about me,
who will not be Broken but will be okay with me being Broken. Who
will fix me. Not someone who just wants an ego boost like you do.

you will never find anyone like that. You will never do better than
him.

You really aren't who you used to be

So? You should take what you can get, stupid girl. No boy has ever
liked you, and no boy ever will. No boy has even called you pretty
besides him.

You're bad for me.

You are not worth anything better

You say you are sorry and regret hurting me, but I don't believe you

believe him

I want to believe you. So badly

so then just believe him!

but I can't

you stupid ugly worthless *****...

And even if I did believe you, you don’t even like me. You haven’t
even spoken to me for a month. A MONTH you *******!

You’re not worth noticing or speaking to. Why would he care? Just
take it. Take how he treats you and deal with it. It’s what you deserve.
Get used to it, *****.

Even if we talked for a while, for a long while and you managed to
deceive me enough into getting close with you again, then if you asked
me out and we went back down the path we were on before you
dropped me so easily, I could never trust you. You text me flirty texts
while you’re WITH HER! You HAVE a girlfriend and NO girl deserves
to be treated like that. No girl deserves to have an unfaithful boy who
is in her life, but is not committed to her when he claims he is.

You deserve that.

Not even me.

Yes you do.

So I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me. I get a mini heart
attack every time you text me and I’d like you out of my life.

Don’t do that. You’ll regret it. You are so, so alone you stupid *****.
What are you thinking?

I can do better than you. I can find someone who likes me. Someone
who’s idea of a good time doesn’t involve ecstasy. Someone who
doesn’t need to be drunk to say something nice to me.

Oh please. You will never ever find anyone.

Please just stop now. I have bigger problems than a boy like you.

Your problems could be solved with a  boy like him though!

I told you that you didn’t hurt me. I am lying. I’m not going to let you
keep hurting me however.

But the pain is so addictive. Let him keep hurting you. It makes you
feel like maybe you’re worth something, if you have his approval. If he
tells you you’re pretty, it makes you wonder for a second if the mirror
is wrong. You will never be convinced, but it makes you wonder, for
just a split second. It hurts, but it’s a lovely split second. Listen to me!

I’m NOT YOUR F!CKING CONSILATION PRIZE okay?

Yeah. You’re right about that, at least. What kind of ******
consolation prize would you be? Who would want you? You’re not a consolation prize to him, you’re just a another girl for when he’s bored. That’s all you deserve to be. Take it, worthless. You’re ugly. Take what you can get.

Usually, this is where I’d say: I’m sorry. Goodbye. But I am not sorry
and I’ve apologized to you far too many times so far and I shouldn’t
have. I had nothing to be sorry about.

You always have something to be sorry about. Apologize that he has
to look at you and your ugly face. That you exist. That you are wasting
space on his phone with your picture and your contact and your texts.
Apologize for being so difficult and annoying and desperate and
pathetic and self-centered and self-deprecating and say you’re sorry
that you ever offended him by being so pompous as to believe for even
just half a second (or half a summer, as it were) that you could be
worthy of his interest. Because you are worth nothing. You are not
enough. You are inferior. You are a failure. A waste.

So goodbye.

-Ember.

You’ll regret it later. You will never find a boy as good as him. Ever.
You will never even find another guy. You don’t deserve him, let alone
anyone else. It was a fluke that he ever ended up with the misfortune
of knowing you. You will never do better than him.

Yes I will.

No you won’t, you stupid ugly worthless *****.

Yes. I will.

Your toothbrush still has the paste on it
The plate shattered in fragments of you
The glass still has your lip stain on
This bed I'm sleeping in still smells of you
Lying to myself that you'll comeback
Leaving him and crying and knocking on the door begging to come in
But hey, who am I kidding..

Put the car in reverse as you slipped into neutral
A gear must've rusted; I trust the machine busted
because things became mechanical, to be truthful
Major malfunction--our junction ceased to be lusted
by my soul's circuits and tired wires proved to be liars
I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was wrong
My cogs, guts and screws became loose in the mire 
of our muddled love, where I did no belong

What worth is living when everything ran rampant silhouettes of you
Running through these polaroids on the wall
I did get out, but it's you everywhere I go
You have etched this fire in my heart 
When it burns when we're in love
And when it burns my soul 
To ashes remnants of you
Trying my best to get out
I knew you were trouble from the start
But my heart's like a glass thirsts for that lust
Now broken brittled into pieces
Fragments no longer could be fitted 

Puzzle pieces and Polaroids for the incinerator
A conflagration consuming our condition
where you fail to see what I fail to do
I may be coldly pieced together, but I'm no traitor
*My love was just another raggedy rendition,
But your eyes are the demons haunting you

it’s really hard to breathe.

I can’t eat anything, I’m starving and nauseous.

and I wish maturity was a thing

but instead,
i’m stuck defending myself

against cell phone applications
that find you affection
from someone just as infected

and you already have that low of an opinion
to believe

these are the kinds of people I want to share my death bed with

I wanted to remain friends
but I don’t think that saying
*******
is effective
when
I already have

and when I did

you held me above you

and told me you loved me, I didn’t realize

you were trying  to pull yourself up too

your own reflection masked
with my skin

this false perception
you knew

you lacked within

My poems are not brilliant
They have no meter nor rhyme
My poems are not published
They are hardly worth a dime

My poems are read little
They are enjoyed even less
My poems are not witty
Slightly amusing at best

My poems are fun to write
They bring me simple pleasure
My poems are nothing, true
Yet writing is sure treasured