The totality of a stare, their for changing life's bitter holds
My theory that we all are seekers is an ex-stressor of  unwitting changes
voiceless changing clanging colds
Now a life this life has execrated all of your dreams
You and I cure the ice    to satisfy the demons the night   but it grows warmer I warn thee
Devious power and burning nights.. who is of the dead?
Devious powers all is quite right..  I am inside your head
Uncalled for searing this justice holy tower you're turret nare an arrow sent
And when the future holds  against our bonds untold a world with forms reached out only to allow an ever changing destiny..
Then I shall cry out a theory for them a theory untold
Devious fires powers of the night Don't question the order do as your told
Fleece of the stripeless tiger nears telling all of us of the powers of doom
and your life is speaking slashing shshsh turn to dust soon you'll be through
If again you make this plea don't try to be the same as the one who turned to me
For within you are gone and in your mind we are all keepers but this is not wrong
I am turned putrid and this procures the storm
unworthy yet with this answer land  will fall soon and shed this life for demons and right   hurt eyes skin  lips and all
Devious powers burning in the nights of the undead
You called out the scarring the twist of the unsent
Then I shall cry out a theory for them a theory untold
Devious fires powers of the night Don't question the order do as your told
Played by the fame then went a force of Satans wings ornate of diamonds and led
When the theory of theories is finally told the solving and the puzzle is an ultimate theory untold
Drafting and waning your demeanor a field of wrought with a killing and blight
Into a dark horizon one hand awakens as certainty puts up a fight
Then I shall cry out doubting you'd ever listen to me
Then I'd cry for us as the devout for the theories untold is ever our destiny
Then I shall cry out for a theory for them a theory untold
Devious fires powers of the night Don't question the order do as your told

Untold Vulnerabilities Pt. VII: The Completion but Not the End
“Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”
Questions that ping around my head like a pin ball in pool hall full of the nasty smell of fugs and alcohol
I feel intoxicated…
Take back everything cause from day one I knew you were the one
But we all go through untold vulnerabilities
Hold back like a frustration building up to never be released
You though… you fill my cup with overflow
Even though it took us long to get here
Holding back the words I love you like they stole something
Even though they have in the past
I love you broke me and you time and time again
I love you made me and you resent companionship
I love you even punched me and you in the face till we were numb
Feeling like a *** on the street leading to unhappiness
So how could I… no how could we even fathom this love that has developed
We seem to know each other with even not knowing
Inner glowing that shines between us when we stare into each other’s eyes
See we were together but we were both too naïve to say it
Scars so deep they hold you back from what’s right in front of you
Man I would even ask myself…
“Hey Ladi J… would you rather have a man that loves you or commits to you…??”
I want all of you not just pieces
But hey you said it was an order to things
Provide…protect…profess…right?!
But till the day you asked me to be yours I continued to be skeptical
But those electrical feelings every time  I’m around you that send currents through my body that lead to every blissful kiss all seemed like a hit or miss cause I never truly knew how you felt
It was like waiting for daddy to hit me with that belt
I held my pain…owned my pain…
But all the while wondered could you even handle my pain
Whispers of love still seeped through
“Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”
They say the number 7 is the number of completion
So I end my untold vulnerabilities here
I’ve said how I felt but I know US won’t end
Team awesome…
We work together to show each other the wonders of the world
Learning lessons from each other
Treading unknown territory
Tip toeing through a battlefield called love
So I think I’m ready to cash in…checkout…cause I don’t want anyone but you
I laugh more because of you
I smile more because of you
I stand firm because of you
I live and breathe more because of you
Metaphors, similes, and personifications can’t even express how I feel about you but ima try with every word I write
To form words as perfect as you seem impossible but untold vulnerabilities aren’t easy but it got us here
This is the completion but not the end of US
Untold vulnerabilities…that leads to pillow talk
Taking long walks like Jill Scott but we don’t have to puff on trees because we get high off each other
Bonding every moment spent with you
You are like the glue that holds my brokenness together
Mending every puzzle piece of hurt
Scrapping every speckle of dirt from past clutter
It all makes sense now
So this is the completion but not the end
Souls brought together for a purpose
Captured in moments of time just for me and you
This is the completion but not the end
I won’t waiver my favor for you
I won’t bend my passion for you
I won’t over compensate for overflow of past hurt
This is the completion but not the end…
This is the completion but not the end…
“My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine
You’re not crazy and I’m outta my mind
Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”

How do I tell someone something that I don't wanna say...
I mean I could but then I will put myself out there
Vulnerable
Open to be hurt
Uncertainties about what the other person may say or feel
Oh my goodness my heart is racing cuz even when I think about them I smile
It's like riding along the Nile w/ a nice cool breeze
Simple full and free
A wonderful cadence of your voice moves my eardrum
Seeing your face gives me unspeakable happiness
I mean some may think I'm a *******
Nah I may jus have a special place for this person in my heart
But all these untold vulnerabilities keep creeping up on me
I don't wanna be seen as a ******
But u tho
R a beautiful melody to a perfect song
And maybe I'm wrong
But all these untold vulnerabilities may creep out into the light
Maybe with a fight
Maybe with a struggle
Maybe even with a muzzle
But I will put the pieces to the puzzle together
And maybe it will all come out w/ me being w/ you
Foot in the right size shoe
Cuz they say if the shoe fits wear it
But I don't know if you think you can bear the strength of my love
So we both lay w/ some untold vulnerabilities

Promise of Beauty Untold

The walk through desolation to find beauty untold is forever puzzling.

They walked through the thistles and the obstacles on the dried cracked ground to find the highest peaks of the tallest mountains only to climb to the highest point and hang themselves from it.

Cherishing things that only thorns and thistles can produce.  Never knowing the promise of the other side.  The promise of beauty untold.

With one hand open and reaching and the other hand covering their face in shame, they run towards the steep mountains.  All the time missing the gateway because their eyes are on the highest peaks where doom is the only promise.

The bird of another world is the keeper of the path to the gateway, and he  knows all things but gives no information.  The bird of another world is not evil.  His only mission in life is to count those who walk through the gateway.  The mountains keep track of the losses.

"The Struggle for Love"
"The Longing for Home"
So desperate to prove
That our hearts aren't alone

While death looms wherewith
To make dust of our flesh
We seek in a myth
Our souls to enmesh

With a hero of hope
A rescuing source
To widen our scope
And give pith to our course

An unshakable tie
An attachment at core
Which might silence the cry
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

But it's not our mere lack
Which causes most dread
It's the earth-shattering fact
That our spirits are dead

Cut off from their Source
In a black alienation
Humanity's curse
For its rank ins'bordination

We just want our own way
And to write our own story
So we plunge on astray
To seek our own glory

To play artist or muse
Or idol or chief
Any self-styled ruse
To assuage us of grief

Any measure to show
A lasting signif'cance
So that someone would know
Our unique magnif'cence

For our beauty's been marred
And we crave a redemption
Of souls twisted and scarred
By fulfillment's exemption

But, alas, we will find
That search hard as we may
There's not one of our kind
Who can carry the tray

Upon which the weight
Of our souls has been laid
For who can e'er tolerate
Its gross debts unpaid?

Such suff'cating mass
Of defects and ills
Pressed 'gainst delicate glass
Of egos and wills

Still more ghastly to bear
Is devotion unbound
For with millstone to wear
Its master is drowned

'Neath a sea of foul yeast
And becomes the enslaved
To a hungering beast
To a worship depraved

For the heart is a tiger
And must have its fill
So it raises a man higher
With a kiss before the ****

Not intentionally, of course,
Does it slaughter its idol
But of hurricane force
Is this longing so vital

And as pedestal turns
So quickly to altar
Our wounded pride burns
When our gods and alms falter

And the fire of its rage
Turns upon its obsession
Tiger breaks out of cage
To reclaim self-possession

It bites and it tears
What it once so adored
And pride no longer cares
If it kills its false lord

But upon such demise
The soul screams in terror
For it's broken its prize
And can't take back its error

It begs and it pleads
To restore what's been lost
But at end knows it needs
To consider the cost

Of the damage untold
It has left in the wake
For hearts can't be controlled
With a gush or a shake

No, men's hearts are like bombs
Which so easily explode
Once the pin is removed
All past wrongs will re-load

So the prey becomes hunter
When the tiger attacks
For he does not want her
To see what he lacks

As he, too, had put
Her up in wrong place
But now steps his foot
Upon her shamed face

To now pulverize
As his own heart's been crushed
To blind out her eyes
And to see her lips hushed

For with words idly spoken
She'd stabbed at his soul
And had left his pride broken
By her judgments so cold

She had not meant to harm
Knew not e'en that he heard
But one cannot disarm
A thought put to word

Worse than not knowing this
She no longer knew him
And her once imagined bliss
Proved a nullified whim

Oh, what games and delusions
We play and we build
Upon empty illusions
And dreams unfulfilled

Yet strangely it's when
Our worst fears come true
We can finally transcend
All those old tales we grew

Out of ego and void
Out of sorrow and pain
When our nerves felt annoyed
And our hearts felt too vain

'Cause when ego is puffed
It is primed, too, to pop
And with pinprick is snuffed
Like a pest-blighted crop

So imagine much more
When a venom's injected
Right into its core
And its heart is rejected

But can you also not see
How it needs such a burst
To begin to get free
From its self-absorbed curse?

Except now feels the matter
Of our soul's isolation
Fiercer still with the shatter
Of our pet consolation

So we wait and we wonder
If we've missed the true meaning
Of the frightening thunder
In our heart's constant screaming

Whether homesick or lost
Whether lonely or grieved
Locked in bleak Winter's frost
We find little reprieve

Yet we know we've been made
For the glory of Spring
Some card's still to be played
Some grand song still to sing

Inexpressible yearning
For some secret we know
But can't speak for the burning
Repercussions of woe

Not some mere melancholy
Nor nostalgic forlorn
Not the musings of folly
But a sense that we're torn

From primordial root
And from headwaters fresh
Yet much deeper to boot
From our spiritual breath

'Tis an ache not for wares,
Appreciation or fame
But a fight just for air
Against strangling shame

For we're naked, we know
And with all we devise
Our most flawed parts still show
To a pure set of eyes

Like we're walking around
With no covering intact
But thin hospital gown
With wide split up the back

So we hide our true face
Aim to be what we're not
Work our blots to erase
Lest our schemes should be caught

Be 't by friend or by foe
We dare not risk the pain
Of humiliation's blow
On top of our stain

But instead of relief
Anguish grows louder till
This life's loneliest grief
Paralyzes the will

And last hope all but dies
On doubt's bed of despair
While embittered heart cries
That its lot's too unfair

Yet on outside we play
Through our unconscious mind
Man's collective charade
That everything's fine

Like some pact we'd all sworn
To uphold and obey
To protect from the scorn
Of society's sway

If we run with the flow
'Stead of strive 'gainst the tide
We might make enough show
To salvage our pride

We forget that conceit
Is what caused all the mess
Through a serpent's deceit
And a couple's wrong guess

'Twas they first tasted shame
And then hid in a garden
Sewing fig leaves as claim
To secure their own pardon

Yet in horror they knew
They had squandered the Prize
And must flee from the view
Of a pure set of eyes

Now same state of awry
Runs through each of their seed
Inborn and borne by
Like the thorniest ****

Whose nettles pierce deep
And infect every part
While roots tangle and sweep
Through the mind and the heart

It mocks what we've lost
Torments every dim hope
To constrict and accost
Like a noose-tightening rope

Still, hope won't be decayed
Smold'ring fires yet burn
Sparking hints that we're made
For bright Eden's return

This redemption we crave
Is no phantom's false plea
But as crestfallen wave
Hides itself in the sea

It's been veiled in plain sight
Big as all of our stories
Deep as mankind's full plight
And as high as its glories

Cloaked in every ambition
That we have to get in
To some exclusive coalition
For its favors to win

Lurks a bleeding predilection
Frustrated from birth
A desire for election
To bestow on us worth

Lured by scent of a promise
To be chosen and known
Like the warmth of a mom's kiss
Given only to her own

We search tree after tree
For sweet intimacy's nectar
From a fruit that will be
Our secret connecter

To hope's nourishing breast
To life's honey from comb
To an undying rest
To a straight way toward home

One to wipe away tears
And allay deepest doubt
Which proceeds from worst fears
Of our being locked out

Of a garden again
Cast from pure tree of life
Dim remembrance of when
Mankind first entered strife

All our conflicts, comp'tition,
Confusion and blame
Find first cause in perdition
That's invaded our frame

Like the foulest disease
The most cankerous rot
Grown by monstrous degrees
Hatched by Lucifer's plot

This story's no ****'s attack
Nor archaic folklore
But the earth-shattering fact
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

And it's not our mere lack
which causes most dread
But the earth-shattering fact
That our spirits are dead

Cut off from their Source
In a black alienation
Humanity's curse
For it's rank ins'bordination


And yet...


This is also the story
Of how those same eyes
The Possessor of Glory
Looked with love and heart cries

On the crown of creation
His reflection of Self
Made His own treasured nation
The heirs of His wealth

Now broken and lost
All banished from Garden
And He knew the full cost
To grant them His pardon

Had known long before
He had e'er even made
That first man of yore
Yet handcrafts anyway

For His love is so strong
And He wanted to share
His intimacy with a throng
His own children to bear

So with souls in convulsion
From their rebellious misdeed
Just before their expulsion
He promised a Seed

One untainted from sin
Who could take its great boulder
And the weight of His kin
Upon His own shoulder

A Hero of hope
A rescuing Source
To widen our scope
And give pith to our course

An unshakable tie
An attachment at core
Who would silence the cry
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

For those eyes are His own
And He'd pay the full fee
By His body alone
To set our hearts free

He's hope's nourishing breast
He's life's honey from comb
He's our undying rest
He's our straight way toward home

He will wipe away tears
And allay deepest doubt
Which proceeds from worst fears
Of our being locked out

Of the Garden again
Cast from pure Tree of Life
Dim remembrance of when
Mankind first entered strife

But 'twas on another tree
That sweet intimacy's nectar
Was secured tight when He
Became sacred Connector

And the thorns of our curse
Were pressed onto His head
With not one there to nurse
As the Son of Man bled

Then the wrath for our sin
Was absorbed as He cried
And the foul curse was broken
When the Son of God died

But death couldn't keep Him long
Nor His glory dispose
And we found our lost song
When the King of kings rose!

The debt had been paid
He had finished the work
The tide 'gainst us was swayed
We weren't left in our lurk

And we've only to now
Just repent and believe
To open and allow
Our hearts to receive

Our Divine Fountainhead
Our covering complete
To sup from His bread
And to sit at His feet

To worship the One
For Whom we were made
By Whom we've been won
Whom forever we've craved

The One Who can bear
Our hearts' full devotion
The One Who won't tear
At our souls' raw emotion

The One Who will be
Sweet eternity's song
Who with lasting decree
Will...right...every...wrong

The bin lorry had been.
I picked up a fragment
of our neighbours lives,
litter they must have scrapped.

We do not know them.
They're always moving on.
Urban Bedouin,
with a thousand and one
domestic tales untold.

I am warmhearted and icy cold,
with a pretty face that's getting old.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.
I am petite and cuss like a trucker,
slightly naive, but I'm no sucker.
I am a sinner with a halo of gold,
an open book with secrets untold.
I am a hypocrite but always play fair,
a bleeding heart and I don't care.
I am a mother who acts like a child,
crazy, impatient and easily riled.
I am spontaneous and I am a bore,
forever forgiving, I still keep score.
I am unstable and wonderfully wise,
a ****** deviant in sweet disguise.
I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am shy and I am outspoken
with a heart of glass, easily broken.
I am awkward and well refined,
lost, insightful and a little love-blind.
I am respected and I am addicted
shamed by burdens, self inflicted.
I am a perfectionist and I am a slob,
unbiased and shallow, an inept snob.
I am nocturnal, a creature of night,
blissfully ignorant, typically right.
I am cautious and I have no fear,
a loser and quitter, still I persevere.
I am brilliant and easily amused,
over-zealous and under-enthused.
I am impervious with wounds to heal,
a habitual liar just keepin' it real.
I am witty and weird and mean-
I am what I am.......100 Aileen.

Actions are words at deeds,
Feelings untold,
Feelings unspoken,
Actions are worth better at showing.

Love is a building tool,
Hearts breaking,
Hearts leaking,
Love is still a mending wool.

How do you say these words felt?
When is the right moment to voice them?
What hormone builds such a desire?
Will these emotions ever die?

Words Unspoken,
Hearts sealed,
Love leaking,
Thoughts hindering.

Words untold,
By a heart dreading,
To a heart unknowing,
For a stranger unseeing.