it may not look like it, but i am trying very hard.
you think i’m bad because i’m late to class even though
you don’t know why. look at my essays like you know
what grade they’re going to get, when you haven’t even
read them yet. you think because my quiz scores aren’t
perfect that i don’t understand.

but people have different capabilities;
maybe i’m not where i’m supposed to be,
and i need you to stop judging me for that.
all people ever see is how it looks like;
you’re never going to understand if you don’t try.

i haven’t slept right since school started, trying to solve
math problems which don’t seem to make sense. i read
the textbook before i was asked; did every single thing i
was supposed to. it’s crazy. it meant waking up at dawn
after sleeping at two in the morning.

you don’t know how it feels when your best is never
enough, and you have no idea how hard it is to keep
doing that, to keep trying anyway.
you don’t know how often we break.
i have learned to count myself strong, not because i win my
battles, but just because i face them.

we learn to compromise, sacrifice. i don’t have poems
in my head anymore (it’s a mess in there), and i don’t
have the energy to play sports. i don’t see my friends
except in the corridors, all in a rush to get somewhere.

we get no credit, and all the shame. our stories don’t
get told; they’re not the ones where people clap at the
end. we are neglected, felt sorry for, or hated. we are
spectacular at failing to amaze.

we have learned to cheer for ourselves because no one
else will. learned to act like it’s not a problem, that
coffee is your best friend, and you spend nights
studying, just to get lower scores than the rest of them.

tell yourself you’re not tired even when the minute you
start to rest you feel like you’re collapsing. always feel
like crying but you stop yourself; who cares if you’re
exhausted? you still have to finish those papers; you still
have to answer those tests.

what does any of it mean? why am i graded with a C or
a D? are they telling me i will not lead a good life, that i
am doomed already? my story has not started and no, my
fate will not be decided like this. you cannot pass
judgments on my character based on numbers on a paper.

i am more than all these requirements that never end. i
am the work i put into them. so instead of looking down on
me, let us carry ourselves with some dignity. after all, it’s not
a game; it’s not a race. we’re all stuck in the same place. and
the world is tough for everyone, regardless of our “grades.”

I’d rather sparkle if I had the chance to shine
Rather taste if given the chance to dine
I’d rather a grape fresh off the vine
Over expensive bottles of velvety wine

I like to sip over drinking it in
It’s “we’ll start soon” instead of “let’s begin”
I gamble gladly when I have a sure win
Talking to angels while living in sin

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...

**** kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...

**** underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."

**** kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I ******* it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I'm a smart ***.. Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...

**** kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the phone line like ****** through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..." I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...

**** kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your *** we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you ******, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

I don't care any more
nor do i care any less
but i'm your lover, not your *****
and you're the reason for this mess

Parading your **** like you're in command
I have limits to your inane nonsense
I'm finally making my stand
No longer giving out to your reasons

I will stand tall, no matter what
Shape up and become a Man
Quit thinking below the waist
and treat me like I know you can

Empty vessels would clang the most
Never exercising the need to be humble nor coy
You're an underachiever with the penchant to boast
You were never a man, but a childish little boy

But, no matter what you have done or who you have become, i still see the passion within you
I see a pure love that we have created, one that is so true...
Although you have made many mistakes in the past
I am still sitting here willing to stick around for this love i know will last...

for ever and until the end
until they lay us six feet under
hand in hand as we die
i will be your lover

a lover to cherish the ground you walk on,
even when you stumble and shake,
i'll be your first in command,
because with you, there is too much at stake.
i want to be that lover,
who awaits in adoration of your arrival,
that one lover,
who loves you until our love is final.

I carved my chest and gave you this heart.
We flowed through the nile and overcame ocean tides.
A seed of bliss you planted in me and our love was born once more, leaving me scarred.
I thought you were proud and passionate but the truth was cloacked by your lies.
You dined with others while I recovered.
I resent you but appreciate the gift of new life that we have, this bond we share may never break,
for it's the only bond that makes us care.

There is a poem I can't write, it only has two lines
But I'm not a minimalist, I'm an underachiever.

Feelings of being ******* over
Thoughts of betrayal can't get over
Abandonment feels like punishment
Unworthy of these righteous emotions
Hard to get through
keep the lies from coming true
Stand up to the opposers who turned their back
Taken lightly over skills
Underrated for pursing a career
Overlooked success by underachiever
Slipped over for the next never given a chance
Promised but not given proper treatment
Lies and delays shutdown interest
Cold and dark till it's over
Not sure what to say the day is ruined
Can't compromise neglect
Dishonest words get no respect
But see as a waste of time
Never cross paths in the future

Stop your stuttering heart

And attempts to explain how this is complicated

Let me lap the language from your mouth

Until the words become sound

There is nothing complicated about a moan

Or trying to catch your breath

Let me love you primal

Let me rewind your dizzy gut

So I can love you backwards

So we can start at the end

And you can see that we both die happy

There are no words to explain your presence

How I know that at least

One of those hits on my poetry page is you

Even then

You’d need a stethoscope to hear the subtle changes in my heartsong

So don’t give me reasons why this won’t work

You should know by now

That I was born to surprise people

I’m an underachiever

You can let slide by this time

We both know how this ends

Let’s get past this and

Go straight to the good part

Where I turn your doubts into sounds

Even a baby can understand

Adults coo sometimes

Let me be a quiet sigh of relief

In order to mask the mumbles

Of your fear

Let me turn you into a sound

A moan

A sigh

A quiet breath

And then

Let me love you

When I look in the mirror I see a failure.
When I look down I see unaccomplished feet and unskilled hands.
I have mentally collected every synonym for  disappointment,
Loser, loafer, underachiever.
The worst part is others see it too.

They keep calling me an underachiever.
I don’t understand is this all a contest. What is there to achieve?

There is no hope for you
Young boy young girl
You drive too fast up north
little boy little girl
You are running from mediocrity
little girl small girl
You  fill your lungs and heart with poison
little man little woman
I refuse to watch the streets take you
darling girl
sweet girl
Be beautiful forever
There is hope for you
my girl my woman
Drag yourself from your demons
my boy my man
dance
dance
dance
with the world my girl
Don’t turn blue on me ever again
dancing girl dancing girl
See the world through the songs of redemption
and recovery,
Sweet
Little
Beautiful
Dancing girl
Go
Be still
Be free

Ive become
this permifried *****
this unintelligent underachiever
this messy mistake
The drugs in me now are nothing compared to what you did to me