My mind is kind of foggy
I don't remember much at all
I went to sleep with everything
And I've woke with no recall

But there seems to be a memory
Still itching in my mind
I tried to force it; pull it through
But I think it just needs time

I sat there for a moment
And it finally came through
I was so relieved my last memory
Was one I shared with you

Of all my memories I could choose
This one would sure be it
The one where your lips touched my cheek
And butterflies threw their fits

I My mind is kind of foggy
I don't remember much at all
I went to sleep with everything
And I've woke with no recall

But there seems to be a memory
Still itching in my mind
I tried to force it; pull it through
But I think it just needs time

I sat there for a moment
And it finally came through
I was so relieved my last memory
Was one I shared with you

Of all my memories I could choose
This one would sure be it
The one where your lips touched my cheek
And butterflies threw their fits

Laying on the bathroom floor
With cold tiles to my back
I think of all the things I'm not
All the things I lack 

I roll over on my stomach
My cheek pressed to the floor
I dream of all I could've been
How I could be so much more

But then a though occurred to me
That others may think the same
That somewhere on some other floor
Someone else is wanting change

This then led to deeper thought
Which made a lot of sense to me
There's a reason we are this way
We're all the way we were meant to be 

Every one of us is different 
But in the end we're all the same
All together we're beautiful
And beautiful has no name

Not even twenty four hours
Have come to pass us by 
I can't push the ache away
No matter how hard I try

Not even a single week gone
With nine more left to go
There's never been another week
That's gone by quite this slow

Not even a single month down
With another in the way
Every breath is a little harder
And it's harder to wake everyday

But despite the heartache and the tears
I'm right here by your side
And I promise you with all my heart
That I will be till the day that I die

I love life the way it should be
Where we all have a soul mate
Where when we're born we see in color
Until our other's fate

But for me it's quite the opposite
I've never seen color a day in my life
All shades and highlights and different tones
Of the same old black and white 

Eventually I somehow came to terms
I accepted my colorless scheme 
So you can imagine how startled I was
When my reality took after my dream

I opened eyes to meet light shades of morning
To instead have them flooded with ***
I was bombarded by all of these new tints and tones
I couldn't ever select a choice one

Though after the initial shock of it all
I was startled once again more
With the realization that I finally found you
The someone meant to color my world

I'm growing bored all by myself
I'm making faces in the mirror
Watching reruns of AHS
And reading books on things I fear

I'm googling how to not be bored
And laughing at stupid things
Humming along to Disney songs
(and only humming because I can't sing)

I'm painting my nails a bright shade of blue
And calculating my cat's human age
When I realized how precise I was trying to be
I recognized the low of my crazy stage

I don't mean to hurt you
When I don't tell you every thought
I'm just trying to protect your heart
From the pain bound to be brought

Sometimes my head just can't work right
And my heart just makes it worse 
It's just sort of in my nature
To put others first 

I sacrifice my peace of mind
So you can savor what's left of yours
You're battling just as hard as I am 
So I shelter you from my wars

It seems that I'm losing your trust
By not telling you these things 
The loss of trust is better than 
All the pain I'm bound to bring 

So I'm sorry for trying to save you
From the war within myself
I guess I do the most damage
When I'm just trying to help

Dear heart and brain,

I owe you an apology, Heart
And I owe you, Brain, one two
You told me not to trust anymore
But just what did I do?

I ignored your precautions
Though listening was best
I didn't realize this until
The pain settled in my chest

Oh, I was so foolish
To think that things had changed
The same events occurred again
But names were rearranged

I told somebody my whole heart
They swore it to themselves
But just like all the others did
They found someone to tell

Just as I had turned my back
The facade slipped their face
My trust has crumbled to a dust
While heartbreak filled it's place

Now I promise, heart and brain
I will trust no more
Without anyone to tell my heart
My chest  won't be so sore.

I wrote this letter sincerely
And I've enclosed my heart
Please take it, Brain, and hold it tight
It can't afford to lose more parts.

The rain is tapping on my window 
For the first time in a while
But it's not all the falling water 
That's troubling my smile 

The rain, to me, is comforting 
It's here when you are not
But then again it reminds me how
About me you forgot 

It's the only thing that's whispering
Sweet nothings in my ear
It's the only thing that's bothering
To take care of my tears

So now that the rain is back
I'm not lonely anymore
The painful ringing in my ears
Is hushed by the downpour

Chill set in


When the chill set in
And your words blew cold
My insides tore a little

What froze me most
Was how your words
Seemed so much more brittle

"I love you" was frosted
Given said at all
Those words had been my heat

I'm shivering now
Your warmth is gone
And my heart has slowed it's beat

An aching present in my chest
A dull pulling at my heart
I've never been this far from home
Or from familiarity so vastly apart

Every breath is dragging out a little 
And my feet along in sync 
Flashes of home are taunting me
When my eyelids rest briefly to blink

So far from home, from comfort, from safe
Nothing's numbing the disorder inside
I've left early to make my way home
Continuously hastening my stride

Finally surrounded by home again
In the comfort of my room, my bed
I'm safe and sound but something's off
The ache within isn't dead 

I've finally pinned what the problem is
Why my heart remains askew
Despite the turmoil in my troubled mind
I've found that home has left with you

I'd jump in the snow stark naked
I'd run a mile without any shoes
I'd finally be able to say half the things
That I've always wanted to tell you

I'd let a hungry dog bite me
I'd walk through Satan's flame trail
I'd do anything I felt it would take
To make this pain that you've caused me to pale

I'd finally speak my opinion
I could tell you that I think you are dumb
I'd finally be able to "grow a pair" (as you told me)
If only I could be numb

I love you both up and down
I love you dull or bright
I love you either hot or cold
I love you day and night 

I love the way you tell me things
That you tell no one else
I love the way you aren't afraid
To be only yourself

I love your perfect eyebrow arch
I love your cocky smile
I love your way of arrogance 
I love your rugged style

I love how you can make me laugh
When I haven't for so long
I love how you are such a softie
But you try to act so strong

Cliche, I know, but I love you
Just how you are right now
Cliche, I know, but I still hope 
That you love me too, somehow

I promised you I wouldn't
That I would stay cut free
I was so convincing
That I made myself believe

I told you they weren't very deep
In hopes that it would help
But still I had broken my promise
And inflicted harm upon myself

But this time I do mean it
I threw my blade away
My skin will clear, and like I promised
It will stay that way

I still order chicken strips
(with a side of fries)
And when my cartoons go off
Sometimes I have to cry

I still kick my covers off
And refuse to sleep with socks
And when I go to the candy store
I still get sugar rocks

My Barbies still have boyfriends
(and better hair than me!)
My dessert is still 99% sprinkles
And 1% ice cream

My stuffed animals still have names
And they have feelings, too
I can't sleep with only one
I invite the whole **** crew!

I still have my night light
(shh! Don't tell my friends!)
And my math is still not very good
"5 plus 5 is 10!?!"

Despite my inner child
And my silly pointless fears
It seems in 15 years of living
I've aged a hundred years

Toilet paper

I love you so much, toilet paper
And all of the things that you do
I love it so much when you dry my tears
Or cleanse my bottom of poo

Sometimes it hurts when I see
just how much you've changed
How your wonderful, glorious white
For brown you have exchanged

You are like a sister
A best friend or a mom
You helped me with my makeup
When I was readying for prom

You have never once complained
When I've torn you apart
You never once
seemed disappointed
When I didn't poo-but ****

My greatest wishes to you
Mr. Toilet Paper Man
You have never let me down
Since **** had hit the fan.

Wind tumbles leaves from their branches 
Like a hatchling from its nest

Sometimes nature's like an alarm
Pushing us from rest

But one thing I have learned from this
Is that the world knows what it's doing

It gives a little shove when needed
And into our future, we're parachuting

You don't see the things I see
And don't believe me when I say
That you are absolute perfection 
In every single way

Your nervous habits I really love
They're just so cute to me
Such as playing with your hands
And pulling up your sleeves 

The way your lips move when you talk 
And your dimples when you blush
How every time I laughed at you
I got a smile and a "hush"

The way your voice sounds when you're tired
And all those things you say
If I had the opportunity
I'd listen to you ramble all day

I saved the very best for last
My favorite thing about you
When you smile that smile of yours
I just can't help but smile too

These are just a few things though
The perfection runs so deep
I love this boy with all my heart
And he's forever mine to keep

It is three am again
My thoughts are killing me
The bank where I held all this back
Is announcing bankruptcy 

The most crowded place right now
Is along my upper thigh
Because in the early hours
I like to play with knives

It is upon these dirt roads that I ponder;
However shall I get back to you?
With a glance at the time I see there's none left to wander; which path will I find to be true?

You are the pour of a hot cup of tea on an autumn morning 

You are every poetic verse poured onto one single sheet

You are the cool pouring rain on a warm summer night

°
                My love for you will
         Never wither, never die and
       Never splinter. Never fail nor
       Ever lose, you'll always be the
      One I choose. But could you
                            Ever say the same
                              That I'm the one
                              Who keeps you
                               Sane? Could you
                               Ever say these
                            Things?  That      
                          You wouldn't        
                        Trade me for any
                        Thing? But you
                        With your sec
                        Rets so deep
                        And so dark,
                          There's a
                           Reason I
                             Use a
                        

                           Q u e s -
                           -  t i o n
                            M ar k

Rain rain, please go away
You remind me of
Another day

Please please, don't mess with me
I really wish I
Could just sleep

No no, don't haunt my dreams
Don't bring up things
To make me scream

Tap tap, on my windowsill
Horrid memories
I tried to ****

Patter patter, let me be
Can't you hear my
Desperate plea?

Pounding pounding, on my roof
Don't you take my
Tears as proof?

Thunder thunder, like my heart
Can't you heart it
Being torn apart?

Pitter pitter, of my tears
Are you deaf
Or can you hear?

Sirens sirens, fill my ears
I pray to myself
That the end is near

Misty misty, it's clearing up
I hear a voice
Telling me "stay tough."

At loss for words
All feeling is dead
I can't get your image
Out of my head

I was so cold
With no room for a heart
I parted a way
And held it apart

You gave me a heart
A reason to love
Your heart was snug in my chest
Like a perfectly fit glove

It pumped for some time
It left it's own mark
It took over the room
I left for the dark

You ripped it away
Still beating and all
With a hole bearing chest
You left me to fall

I didn't reform
Your shape is still there
But with quite a difference.
It's now full of air.

I'm left with a scar
A reminder of you
And no one will fit me
Like the way that you do

Sally was a sailor
Who sailed the kool-aid sea
On the sweet treat boat she carved
From a lollipop tree.

Jack was just a wanderer
As lost as one could be
But hope sparked somewhere deep inside
When he saw Sally approaching his beach.

Sally tossed out her gum drop anchor
As she readied herself for shore
She saw in Jack the thing she lacked
The treasure she'd been searching for.

Sally wasn't looking at
His butterscotch toned tan
But rather what had lied inside;
The sweet makings of a man.

As they walked along the beach
Between candy castles of sugar sand
He took golden pearls from the glowing sea
And placed on her neck a strand.

A blush rushed to her cheeks
And a grin to his own
He said "I have something to say."
"This whole journey I've spent
not knowing of you,
yet I've thought of you
The whole way."

They sat together on the shore
Gazing at the candy apple sunset
Knowing they needed nothing more
than this love they had found, forever to last...

Savannah is dead
And nobody cares
Throw her dead carcass
Down the old wooden stairs

Open  the door
And let in the bugs
Let them feast on her body
By that old persian rug

With worms in her mouth
And lice in her hair
If you listen closely
She's still crying for care

Dead and still waiting
for the love that she sought
For someone to care
To her last breath she fought

My hands are getting shaky
My heart is beating fast
I really just want out of here
How long will this last

I hear some people laughing 
I bet it's right at me
I tried to look my very best
Is there something I can't see

My head is getting dizzy
My lip squeezed beneath my teeth
I wish I had my hoodie
Something to hide beneath

I heard somebody say my name
Oh please don't make me talk
Maybe they won't notice me
If away from them I walk

My hands are getting kinda shy
So I pull down my sleeves
My lungs are getting kinda stuffy
I really want to leave

They're looking in my direction
Guys, staring isn't nice
I know I'm not the prettiest
I cried about it last night 

I become a little more frantic 
I can't speak even if I try
I'd do anything to get away
Even if it means I have to die

Every night now I fall asleep
With no one around but the stars
I think of how unfair it is
That they get to be where you are

They get to see you and wish you goodnight 
And greet you with the rising sun
I've always simply admired the stars
Now I wish that I could be one
 
I've started drawing my curtains closed
Just before the sun dips away
But I've forgotten of all the plastic copies
Which over my bed hauntingly play

Squeezing my eyes closed just doesn't work
Neither do clouds in the sky
And it pains me to know that I'll never be one
No matter how hard that I try

This house

This house is yours 
This house is mine 
This house is open anytime
This house is happy
This house is whole
This house welcomes any soul

This house is home

The rain is falling 
Here
Under this tree where 
No one can harm or
Disturb me as I'm protected from the
Everlasting shield of 
Reaching branches 
Sometimes the rain seeps through
To fall upon my head but that's 
Okay because I'll always
Remember how hard it tried to keep
Me
Safe

Time is such a treasure 
That's quicker lost than found
And when it's gone you search again
For whatever's left around

A second seems like nothing 
When you have plenty to spare 
You never learn to value them
Until they just aren't there

A minute isn't that much more
So you toss them left and right 
And then you're scrambling to find
Enough for one more night 

An hour can be wasted 
As easily as breath or speech 
But when you have to count them down
You learn to make the most of each 

In the end I find it easier 
To always value time 
To cherish every single second 
Of every moment that you're mine

I close my eyes to fall asleep
But there's only one thing I can see
A handsome groom and a big white dress
Their fingers in a ring's caress

Sleep has taken me away
But my dreams obsess over our big day
Exchanging promises from the heart
Vows to never stray apart 

I wake up, heart beating fast
Another dream of us has passed 
My very first thought is of you
And all the things we plan to do

We'll find a house to make our home
A place for memories to be grown
Within the walls of our little space 
We'll welcome more than one new face 

My thoughts run away with me
To the wonderful parents we could be
To carry children made with you
Would truly be a dream come true

Four little ones to love and raise
With Mommy's fight and Daddy's craze 
What an adventure our future holds
Raising demons to be angels 

Though most of the time you won't be home
I won't be raising them alone
I'll have your support and you'll have mine
To pull through months of divided time 

So through thick and thin, by your side I'll be
Even while you're out at sea
I am yours and yours alone
When you're gone and when you're home 

I'd love to spend my life with you
From now till the time that death is due
Though our bodies may weaken, our love will stay strong
I'll stay by your side, right where I belong 

So someday when we both grow old
It's still your hand that I will hold
Even at my dying breath
I'll love you with all that I have left

I can promise you one thing 
To you my heart will forever cling
I devote to you my life
I'd give anything to be your wife

I can feel the way my lips fit yours
Though we've never even touched
I already feel our hands entwined
As if our future they clutch

I crave your hand upon my face
If I close my eyes I see
The most soothing thing that I can think
Your thumb across my cheek

I'm pretty sure that this won't fly
This feeling will never cease
I'll never truly be at rest
Until you're here with me

The moon faintly lights
Behind these midnight stars
The luminescent glow
Concealing my scars

But not those on the body
Though I've got many of those
But I'm talking of beneath my skin
The ones not hidden by my clothes

In the sunlight when I'm open
When the moonlight cannot hide me
A broken heart and wounds alike
Are displayed for you to see

At night when the sun is gone
And the stars come out to play
When your head you rest upon a pillow
Is when I begin my day

I woke up in December
Leaving November behind
I went sleep in January
With February on my mind

March had rolled around so fast
With April on it's tail
May brings back the memories
And June's heat tipped the scale

July sounds like the radio
And August of school bells
September leads to October
And all the stories we can tell