The world around me is beautiful yet
I find it also exists as a force to be feared.
A plethora of the unknown and uncertain
Trace my every movement.
Where are you headed?
I gasp and grip for the nearest answer.
I’m unsure and I’m ripped to shreds.

Life itself is a mystery, an enigma never to be solved.
Surrounded by questions and hypotheticals,
Am I supposed to organize it alphabetical -ly
Breathe. Calm down - I hear in my periphery.
So I take a moment to finally let
It wash over me, to forget
Everything I ever knew -and to focus on the present.
Or the future I suppose, any moment other than now.
To find a place where contentment abounds somehow.

Light cannot exist without darkness.
So I accept the situation all around.
And fall desperately into unconsciousness.
To rejoice in the reprieve of thought.

Hope, ‘the thing with feathers’
I’m not so sure about that.
Hope feels misleading, or leading only into disappointment.
I feel frustrated, emotionally drained perhaps?
Maybe I’m cynical. That’s probably it.
It’s definitely a promising possibility.
I think hope acts as an anvil that crushes everyone
Praying for it to hang in the sky for a tad longer.

Hope is disillusioning.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t indulge every once in a while.
Hope is enlightening, addictive, whatever you want to call it.
But it’s undeniably beautiful, it ties you to the future.
It gives you aspirations. So here’s a list of hopes.

I hope I get to dance in the rain without a care of drenching my clothes.
Nature surrounding me with her soaking embrace, and thunderous applause.
With tiny drops of water slowly grazing my face, and
Maybe then I’ll finally know what harmony feels like.

I hope I get to reinvent my whole life and everything I know.
I hope I can fall into those nights where I barely remember my name but your arms are there to guide me home.
I hope I learn to face the light, and that it mends the brokenness of my soul.
I wish for nights where I discover a new version of myself by exploring foreign cities with people I’ve never met.
Where adrenaline is coursing through my veins,
And excitement greets me at every corner.
I hope I lose myself to find someone new.
To find the extraordinary within the mundane.
To appreciate the little things.
I want to live with purpose, to leave with meaning.
I hope I get to grow, that I get to change.
I hope I travel the world before it’s gone.
And to experience all that I can, through perspectives of empathy.
I want to impact others, to change the world,
But I suppose that can’t be done without changing myself first.

I hope I experience the feeling of being in love again.
The blinding euphoria of falling completely for what’s just a construct.
I want to find a place where I can be myself, without pretenses, without explanation.
I want to forgive, to laugh until I can’t breathe, to be brutally honest,
To be torn down to nothing and to have to begin again.

I hope I find peace of mind.
Because I know I’ve been searching for quite some time.
I hope I learn to let go.
I hope I learn to appreciate hope rather than ostracize it.
To open the curtains and to let the light come streaming in.
I hope I realize that it’s okay to not always know.
I hope I live my life before I go.

(for you, tf.)
“Tell me all of the things that make you feel lovely.”
You whisper to my longing ears
As we quietly barrel down this highway road.
Silence follows us like a dark cloud.
Predicting our next steps, and our doomed fates.
You stay until my heart has calmed and slowed.
I feel safe when I’m with you.
Like there’s a pocket of falling sunlight,
Hidden away from the cruel broken skies,
All by itself, somehow sustained. Glowing.
Nothing in the world could interrupt you and I.

Do you remember the time I spent waiting?
The time we spent in love.
Together. Wandering, learning, living.
The way your hands held mine until they stopped shaking.
I miss you, and the beauty, and wonder of it all.
Especially your endless blue eyes and charming smile
That made my fears seem small,
That told me everything was going to be alright,
It was going to be okay. Perhaps you were wrong.
You told me that I make you feel like you’re floating.
Like the earth has lost its’ gravity, its’ presence
All that used to be of its’ essence
And we are the only two, left behind.
To enjoy each other’s company for eternity.

“Lovely, what a lovely word.”
What a terrible world to take that away.
A list, of all the things that make you happy.
I hope to God that I would be on that list too.
Because to me, you shined brighter than the stars
And kinder than the waves.
I hope you can hear me, where you are.
If so, I love you. And thank you for showing me
What life really is, and what it can be.
And if not, it’s okay. Right now, it’s difficult.
But, I know we were never meant to be infinite.

My heart aches.
When I think about leaving you,
When I think about how in a year, I won’t see you everyday.
Instead I’ll be thousands of miles away.
Missing you with every breath. With every thought.
I don’t know why. It seems silly. Doesn’t it?
Truthfully, and not just for comedic purposes.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I’ve loved you.
And I’m going to miss you so much more than words can describe.
And I’m sorry. I know it’s unconventional, rude even.
To say I have to go. I know I’d promised I’d be there forever.
****, why did I have to fall so deeply?
Thinking about your eyes will no longer meet mine.
With time, you’ll forget. And so will I.
That connection we once shared will disappear.
Our feelings will fall away.
Life will continue.

too much time to think.
crushing is how i would describe it
like walls falling to the floor
with a more than deafening crash
a single hand suffocating my throat
and along with it; a suppression
of my creativity, and livelihood
i’m not sure who i am without you.
it’s been far too long.
the mediocrity of my attempts
at denial are almost laughable.
if it weren’t so pathetic in it’s origin.
the night proves to be the worst.
stuck; contemplating a lost unity.
a severance of what once was.
the void and i have found solace in each other.
alone, decrepit; trying our best to survive
in whatever way, we can. avoiding the gaze of the time.
this is such a strange place to be alive.

the heart is a fickle creature.
attached to things that bring destruction.
i wonder if the heart is aware.
told to beware of what’s to come.
to hide away from the glow of the sun.
i doubt that it was, because otherwise
the petals wouldn’t be falling.
and my hands wouldn’t shake like they do.
i also have a fear, that it might be too late.
to save what once was.
to leave free,
instead of empty.
how powerful must one be to
destroy. or perhaps just afraid.