Happiness is

cuddling with your best friend

on a snowy day

and finding that

the only emptiness inside you

is where the pain used to be

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

i tried to write a poem
a poem just for You
but when i sought to find the words
like hummingbirds, they flew!

i tried to bake some cookies
a dozen, just for You
but before they hit the oven
we'd shared the yummy goo

i tried to paint a picture
a picture just for You
but the colors all ran out of line
like sunlight through the dew

i tried to plant a garden
wildflowers, just for You
but when i'd tilled and sown the soil
too tall for me they grew!

i tried to find a treasure
a treasure just for You
but when i looked inside the chest
i found a gift from You

i tried to tell a story
a mystery, just for You
but when i lost the villain's trail
'twas You who found the clue

i tried to catch some fireflies
green starlight, just for You
but you smiled, and set the lightning free
when i brought my lamp to You

i tried to find the perfect shell
a conch shell, just for You
but all i found were little stars
who tickled like You do!

i tried to find an angel
an angel just for You
but when i told her who You were
she said "you can't have two"

i tried to catch a falling star
a wish, made just for You
but when i did, You said "My dear,
all I've wished for is in you…"

i tried to write a poem
a poem just for You
this time i found all the words
to tell the world of You

Keep distance, the Snail said,
I don't feel safe with humans around
and my pace makes me so vulnerable.

He took a deep breath and added,
do you ever feel my toil
to move from place to place
while the winds blow in gusts
and the world passes by like a storm?

My minutes tick like your hours
and hours days
as I climb the mountains of walls
cover furlongs of ground
rest and restart
never really knowing
where the path ends.

And you only add to my woes.

Your prank of a kick
rolls me back and down
all the way
to beyond from where I began.

A teardrop gathered in his opal eyes.

But it really doesn't matter,
a smile broke through the tears,

I see with all your pace
you're so far from happiness.

Every once in a while
I feel the need
to embrace silence
not to rid myself of the world
but to remind myself
I exist.

- Sometimes, the noise makes me feel lost.

Maybe the one talked over and hushed
Grew up to be quiet, reserved
Trying to develop a voice of their own
But it was never heard

Maybe the one seeking attention
Spent their life being ignored
Experiences shape perceptions
And perceptions shape our world

But this is where we start, not end
After all, we're not cement
We change and bend and learn and grow
We can end above and start below
Beliefs can change and so can we
What we were, we don't have to be

Mind, like a deciduous forest
has lost all its foliage,
all leaves torn away
by the autumnal blasts

The brain where great schemes were concocted
is now an abyss where spiders sway
It is bare – dismally barren
of all memories – sweet and sour
Like a kite afloat in the boundless sky
moving nowhere, but as the wind directs,
cut out from the past, turned from the present
with the future yet to surge from the abyss
or like serpents intertwining,    
hissing in turmoil within the brain,
unable to sense the gusty blast,
or hear the whispering air,
dead to sounds that disturb,
deaf to songs that soothe,
like a phantom he moves weird,
drifting far away
to a space and time impenetrable  
with nothing to make the mind agog
or depress it to let out a sigh.

Loitering on roads without hurrying feet
with no bliss coming on the way
to run or hasten to embrace
or fear to be missed sore
passing through dark labyrinthine tunnels
forever barred with no exit
churned in oblivion, oblivious of all,
he remains a spectral facsimile
of his onetime self
plummeting into a black hole

The pulse of a heart beat
is all that keeps him alive,  
all else is dead…… !  
with dreary nights ahead
that shall not know another morrow

Like a warm breath of air
He hovers in my memory
No superman, a meek soul
Not one to squander his time
But one who worked day in and out
To feed those
Whom he loved and sired
What was he?
A teacher, a farmer or an artist

I cannot say precisely...
All I can say;
He was each of these
Rolled into one

On holidays I saw him
Shut in the loft
a brush in hand
His fingers moving over the canvas
The steaming tea by his side
Untouched and getting cold as ice
Unmindful of everything around
He sat by the easel in the attic
Focussed only on the strokes that fell

When a distinct image shoots out
As the moon from behind clouds
A wave of satisfaction would gleam
Across his face,
His frantic nerves at once hushed
Bearing the look of one
Who, in an instant, conquered kingdoms

He would view it from different angles
Never seeking anyone’s opinion
But gloating if he saw
Our admiring eyes fell on it

Being artistically inclined
He lived more in the world of art

But gradually things changed
To his fright, he found his hands shaky
And the lines on the canvas
Going tremulous and disjointed
Couldn’t hold a brush!

On diagnosed of Parkinson’s disease
His world abruptly lost its sheen
He saw the disease weeding
Its way into his life
Suddenly grown old
He lost interest in everything
We saw him sitting in his armchair
So immobile, for hours on end
His eyes stretched to a far horizon

We displayed before him
Paintings once born of his imagination
To see if his world would brighten
And it worked!

Recently, in one of my dreams
I saw him sitting at the foot of Michael Angelo
To learn the art, he couldn’t perfect
In his life time!