The catch here is that there is none.
I’m trembling writing this
Because I know I wrote part 1.
I’m just as clueless as you.

The loss, that is true.
The loss of what you cannot lose.
The loss of humanity is eminent.

I’m trying to hold on.
My mind is held in limbo
The lines of truth are blurring
I know I’m not the first to feel this.

You tell yourself somehow
Life. Will. Change.
YOU. WILL. CHANGE
Fear is always plotting.

Yet, here we are
No recognition of what
Or how we can claim
Some sort of relief.

Banging on the walls
Of systems that won’t fall
Doing injustices to all
This is not our home.

I digress…I won’t give up.
And I sure as hell
Won’t let them speak to
Me that way.

My grandmother is a WW2 firecracker
I take in all her knowledge.
Even in her last days
She wishes she got a tattoo
A laced butterfly. I laugh.

She is progressive.
That gives me a sliver of hope
We can break grounds
Move buildings
Make right.

It’s a butterfly effect after all.

Have you ever seen roadkill
And think- oh **** did it know?
A fleeting chance and - BAM!
It’s gone.

I think of that a lot.

I think for a fleeting moment-
That poor thing!
Second thought:
How lucky am I?
That I get to continue living.

…But third thought,
hmm…is it better off?
Is that strange?

Maybe.

That’s the course of life.

I had moments
The ones you can't erase
Moments with faces
That exist when...
There's no one at all

Change I want, but
I see you everywhere
And I hear your voices
And want to blame you

But I'm guilty too
I took all those tabs
I welcomed the flames
Now I question what's sane

I have moments of bliss
Suddenly fall into the abyss
And I know I'm alone
But they are all here

In the room where I'm alone
but I feel them everywhere
And I shutter at the thought
Of where my mind is headed

I feel them on my shoulders
Waiting for a comic relief
The music sets the scene
And I'm dancing with all of them

They are all you
And I hate them all
I tell them to go
But closer, closer

No.

The girl with the paper heart
Stood upon the hill and thought
"If I stand tall from up real high,
The wind will take me to the sky!"
She waited there for just a breeze
To whisper, lift her to the trees
And blow it did, a hefty whooooosh!
That sent her rolling into a bush

But up she stood and to the hill
With just a scrape left from the spill
She studied the branches softly sway
And waited for a breeze her way
And fast it came, a strength so grand
She swirled up high and crashed to land
Bent and twisted, swaying to a stance
She thought of taking one more chance

She approached the hill and climbed the *****
And once a top she laid her hope
And closer, near she heard the whistle
She let it go her heart without dismissal
Then up she flew, and down she swayed,
Before she was swallowed by the Bay

To the girl with the paper heart,
The love you crave was false from start
The wind alone can not be trusted
To take you to the love you lusted

Don't give it all away so fast
You'll find that kind of love can't last
You'll learn in time, the complex art
Of building up a stronger heart
One that doesn't scrape or twist
Or drown into a deep abyss

The heart you want will have a beat,
And keep you dancing on your feet
So take that paper heart at last
And keep it as a lesson passed

Insanity, breaks like the waves
Anger flashes like lightning
Hurt stings sharp like sleet
Saddness, hangs in a heavy cloud

Loneliness an empty sky
Silence rests a placid lake
Confusion weighs in a thick fog
Death a fallen leaf

Vitality a summer's rain
Forgiveness in a gentle breeze
Hope forms in a bud
Love blooms in a flower

Freedom in a new horizon
Beauty in a sunset
Peace with the dawn
Renewal with the morning dew

With a cape of darkness, the Moon
Extinguishes the Sun
Who rests before another day- now
Wonder to the starry night

Hold the planets in your arms
Dream of rolling hills and listen
To the wind that whistles...
She says, everything will be alright
Another day you've spent alive
Goodnight, Goodnight, Goodnight
Tomorrow you'll rise again

I used to talk about It, as if I knew It
Whole-heartedly. Ready.
For the Plunge into a blissful splendor
The icy, blue metallic shine that shivers and comes alive!
...but I hadn't realized..
That the flip-fluttering, hands grasped, eye to eye euphoria
Was but a moment.
I hadn't thought much beyond the surface
Of the depth of it...
The Darkness.
The ink-like, curled up shadow that unravels as it waits beneath
So, Wait!
This leap is but romanticized, delirious, and magnified.
Don't break this shallow lens, for it will thrash up and repel
The mirrored, rippled likenesses of you and I
Once skipping on the surface
Now sinking
         Stones
               Below...

Perhaps...
             .....we will float....
                                           Before we settle,
                                           amongst the rest.

The eyes, I am told, are windows to the soul
In your eyes, shines endless light.
I see you there with the sun and the sand
With a sliver of fear, comes the night.

Your Blue eyes, they have whitnessed
The cold & darkening side of the Earth.
I see you hide in the corners of your mind
As You watch the worst of Man, come forth

Memories underneath, flash scene by scene
Ink-stained moments that fill every frame.
A tapestry sewn in complex unknown
With a tragedy stitched out of pain.

But with it all, and as clear as day,
Your light is always shining.
The scene goes on, and it plays a song
A melody hums so inviting.

But your Blue eyes have seen such-
A viewer cannot comprehend.
The Invisible wall You hold sturdy and tall
familiarity- barricaded by cement

Your light never fades for the sweetest of heart
Wades in tides of bright shining Blue.
In the surface, your eyes, wish desperate to hide
A world in the deep end of Truth

Though your soul, it remains so intact, I refrain
From the lack of the things no one knew.
I cannot try to stand in the shoes of a man
With the eyes of the purist of Blue.

I dreamt of you for the very last time
And let my mind accept you once more
A distant shadow, you stood
A grey and cloud-like silhouette
I knew at once that it was you.
A sliver of my heart felt
Heavy with melancholy
But towards you, I’d want not to go
Nor did my eyes wish once to dial
As light breathed through your smog-like stance
And whispered warm and gentle tones
That danced a hymn around my skin
And resting safely on my bones
What warmth awakens life within!
Bouncing light in all directions
To the darkest cockles of my soul
And Its thermal embers melted
A weighted piece that had clung so desperate
Dripped unto the patient upward palm
Downward
      Release,
            Relief,
                Trickled
                     The
                     Very
                      Last
                      Memory
                      Of
                      You.

Life has it's balances,
So why am I teetering on my toes?
Things feel grainy and old
I’m washed up and done

The words I used to spin
End in frayed uncertainty
scattered like ash on a plate
Killing me, killing me
I don’t care.

There are moments
With the sound turned on
I feel at pace with the world
Before I’m absorbed in black holes

i can’t see with these blinders
But I’m afraid of the view around
Into a cave, my soul goes
Until another day, I suppose

This time around, I will get it right
It only took me through the universe twice
To feel the light wind on the water, brushed softly with the glow from the sun, welcome.
This life is full of fresh faces, warm embraces
Far above the rot buried deep in the crevaces of the past.
The prickly bite of the first frost, no longer brings harm to the hearth of the soul, live.
The mangled branches of a forgotten forest no longer casts the shadow of fear, bringing focus to the candelescent light piercing through the spines of the wild wood.
We can all choose to see the dark in the bewildered gallows of the unknown.
We can see the hollowed darkness of the caves luring our minds away from trust.
But why draw such sinister thoughts of the hidden quarries in Mother Nature’s painting?
Look at the world that only She can make, safe away from the curated structures of civilization. Laws are made by Man, Love is born of nature, Hate is a disease that grows in the narrowest of minds, trying to make reason out of tragedy.
This time around, I will choose the light, because it has always been there, sparkling softly through the cracks, begging us to see heaven on earth.
A smile, a breath of air, and a hope that has the strength to carry us all out of here.

Your birthday, as you say
Is just a ******* day
For me, love, it is worth celebrating.

I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, love.
You are- you. You are (happy tears).
The one that makes me feel -
If the world ends, I’d find you.
Whatever that may be-
I know, you’d find me.
I’m with you.
I’m with you.
I would never give you up.

They shoot with a buzz
Those bullets, do they fly...
Why fly, why fly
When we have wings?
Freedom is a birthright
Love is a choice
Hate is an excuse
Find a voice
Shout to the weather
It will not change a thing
Talk you neighbors
Lend them a wing

Anger is the devil
Hate is the game
But if we stay silent
Aren't we the same?

Fear not a curse
Fear not the angered
Live with a purpose
Not of a hazard

Easier said, it's not
Easy.
Never, poor child
Has it ever been easy
Life is.
Life hurts.
Life slays.
Life is cataclysmic
Chaotic
Rancid
Lovely
Beautiful
Tortured
Precious
Take it, with an understanding that
The biggest fight is within you
To adapt
To find light
Find grace
Find love
Find you

Because you are the only soul
You know in and out
You, are your purpose
Your light
Your darkness
Your regret
Your peace

Do unto others what you shall
Do to someone who also feels -
Like you.
We all have a fighting chance

My heart grew two sizes too small
Today I feel a little less
And come Tomorrow
I will feel nothing at all.

Leave me, but don’t please
I fear I’m not my own, you see
I’m  stuck and built of bone, you see
Perhaps I am not meant to be

My sadness is the world at large
I feel the things I hear, you see
I don’t know what is meant for me
I’m bent, you see, I’m bent

What do I do- its near, you see
My thoughts are barely here, you see
I am not what my best can be, and please-Don’t judge my fragility

I know the actions I must take,
But listen, it's my life at stake
Much harder is to give, than take
-my fear, I cannot Fake

The trees seem fuller
Where you remember
Old Life, old love, happiness.
Why do I feel empty?

The grass rolls with a purpose
Little satellites graze on lawns
Tin roofs groove into hills
… I feel so alone.

You share your world
Like you were a soldier from war
Talking of what was, and, who was…
I listen as a spectator out of frame.

Funny how you thought this trip could
Bring us closer- points of reference.
Though instead of creating new memories,
I’m watching you retrace the old.

I love you, I love you, I love you -
Why does that suddenly lose meaning?
Is it me or is it us?
Is it me? Is it me? Is it you?

Nothing while we walk the trail
You barely speak, I barely feel
There’s no doubt it is beautiful,
But you’ve walked this trail before.

You are as fantastic as you remember.
You led the pack, laid down the law.
You remind me in every minute,
You were King of everything.

I love you, I love you, I love -
I can’t lose this feeling -
As if I’m holding the portrait
Of a life you cannot part with.

You speak of processes -
While I hang on branches - sloping
Heavy from the rain.
Your words beating on my shoulder.

I zone farther away - - -
Focusing on the tapping of the leaves
I wonder - If they were chimes,
What would they sound like?

I suddenly feel an impulse to run.
I don’t need shelter - answers.
To the swirling questions in my head-
What was it again you needed from me?
And - Why am I here?

I’m about to break open
Darkness bubbles out, oozes
Like sythetics in a flame
When in the world did I-
I sound like my mother.

I live in a straight line
So far from the circles
I’d trace in the rain
I took a role in society
The gravity of the wheel-
I cling to in desperation.

Blinders make years go by
The toll makes it faster
I’m holding on, slipping
Who are my sisters?
Better yet, who am I?

Technology, the race age
Can’t fight it, I’m caught in it
Contemplate.
But where is the time?
To remind me of better times
I can’t find it, I’ve lost it.

I struggle between the time
And the lack of it
The life I have to earn
And the life I let go
There is nowhere in between.

The joy, settles like dust in my brain
I can’t keep like this, I can’t keep.
My reflection shows the woman I smirked at:
“That will never be me”
But there’s no time to reflect.

It is what it is, what it is, what it is
It is what it is, what I am, what I am
I am...
Clockwork.
6:00am - we are up again.

I pray I will break someday.

I'm losing myself, and I know it
And running away didn't help
I need solice and balance, but loathe it
I need too stay sane, or else

Moments of life blaze before me
Before moments of pain settle in
I break from the chains so to be free
But unweildly I'm choked by the wind

Where does it end, if at all, am I nearing?
this cycle of woes on repeat
What I've caused, is not worth any healing
I'm kept in such dire defeat

Whom have loved me, I meant to say sorry
Those that don't, I cannot put a blame
My Life chapters; they end melancholy
And the book that I write has no name

A peak is a peak cause' it falls
Awareness waits the other side
And brick after brick, I'll build walls
So that I have a place left to hide

Have everything, say, I have nothing
And I know because I see whats real
You don't know because you'll never know me
And I can't form the words that I feel