i will stop writing poetry like a eulogy when you start making me feel alive

it should be noted that girls don't always come from venus, that some boys might be a little deader than they were before they claimed you took their breath away.
some girls have barbed wire around their hearts, and others have white flags. some boys have touched more cigarettes than thighs, more blades in the bathroom sink than the ones in her shoulders. the city might whisper the name of one boy and tremble at the thought of another; a girl might  have a hit list with only one name on it — her own. some boys will **** just to say they lost their virginity and some boys will spend the rest of their lives making love as though they could gain it back; some girls have lost their tears and sweat in the upholstery of the same car that might belong to one of these boys — and some of those same boys are sweaty handprints on the backseat windows while others are fingerprints on your throat, but no matter how you look at it, he will always leave his mark, won't he?
it should be noted that some girls will miss you like hiroshima playgrounds miss the laughter of young children, but others will miss you like an 11:30 flight at 11:31, and i bet you never knew that some boys will never tell you that they miss their father just as much as some girls calling everyone else 'daddy' except for the one they truly need; you'd never believe me if i said that some girls look at the night sky where they used to see their reelection in the stars, but now only see another broken mirror.
it should be noted, that not all boys are from mars.

you are a star in a street-lamp sky burning fiercely amidst the dull monotony
in every universe we find each other
in every life i look up & see your light
& i smile
for i have been here before

i breathed in the smoke
that charred my lungs
in hopes that you had seen

the smoke that caused
my chords to crack
and left my voice so mean

but you who whispers softly
and you who speaks with care
could not seem to understand
why i chose the poison air.

you said i am
d i s g u s t i n g
you said i should get
h e l p

so yes you maybe scorned me.
and yes you maybe saw.
and that was what i asked for.
wasn't it?

when for you i broke the law

Rise up and earn the victory
Do not ever settle for second best
You have come too far
Always motivated to strive for excellence
Continue to reach for the stars
Put yourself in the position to aspire
Walk along the golden path
Always reach higher

I found God
In the gaze of my lover
As we lay still on the water
In the stupor of fear

I found God
When I fled alone to discover
I was trapped with no other
Until he appeared

I found God
In my haggard reflection,
Torn dress by the ocean
Wondering if I was in the clear

I found God
Watching lost men die free,
Succumbing to clarity
Thinking my time was near

I found God
When I lost all hope
My heart was breaking on the waves
And I didn't know how to steer

I found God
In a longing embrace
Finally feeling in my place
Knowing our time was now and here

ten days i will spend
asking for forgiveness
praying for redemption
getting down upon my bones
and whimpering at your feet.

please
kick me while i'm down.
to feel the snap of your toe
against my ribcage
is better than nothing at all.

I am disappointed.
I am disappointed with the way i treated you,
I treated you like you were human,
With love, respect and compassion.
You see, you don't deserve any love.
You're a lost soul that has refused to be found,
Even when you find you a compass,
The only thing you think about is how to break it,
How to mess it all up.
So no, I am not disappointed at your actions,
I am disappointed with the time i wasted
When the signs were there,
When it was evident that you were a loose canon.
To forgive and move on
Is all that i owe myself.
I hope you die heartbroken and unfulfilled.
Cheers!