my first heartbreak wasn't one for the movies or the novels.

there was no shouting or cursing,
only the echo of my hurt raining down

and as I sunk to my knees and begged him to change,
he stood there silently and just turned away.

my first heartbreak wasn't by a boy but by a man.

it was slow and gradual and the worst pain imaginable.

and it left me wondering
why I'm not worth more than a bottle.

They like to hold us on a leash
and chain our eagle wings.
They tell us we're stuck
and that we're never getting out.
They hate our rebellious spirits
and spit on our self-ruling dreams.
But darling, we're the wild ones,
and one day, we will be free.

people tell me that I look like her
and maybe to them I do.
because they don't see what I see.

the beauty,

the wisdom,

the grace,

the strength,

all things impossible to obtain.

so when they tell me I look like her,
I politely decline.
because she's everything I strive to be,
not everything I am.

like a bottle drifting through the ocean,
she wandered through life,
trying to explain the words in her head
or why when she was cut she bled ink.

no one could understand her language though.
because she spewed out riddles
like pieces of a puzzle that never fit together.

so she would sit alone and weep
as the tears of ink ran down her cheeks.
for it shattered her soul to be with people
yet at the same time fated to be forever
a l o n e.

Promises made
Promises broken
Somehow I never seem to learn my lesson
Because even though you never follow through
I still wind up putting my hope in you
Disappointment is never easy
But because of you I don't feel it as deeply

For just a moment time froze.
Your eyes held mine, and suddenly all was clear.
I saw the dates and laughter.
I saw you on one knee and the glittering ring.
I saw the white dress and dim lighting as we danced.
I saw the baby and long, sleepless nights.
I saw the fights that would always end in you kissing away my tears.
I saw the joy and happiness.
I saw the grief and frustration.
I saw everything that makes up life.
Then I blinked, and the spell was broken.
You shook your head as though in a trance.
And for a moment I forgot how to breathe as you made your way over to me.

Do you ever wonder
If you're ever going to find your way
Or if you're cursed to remain
In the maze of confusion
Where you can see the sky of chance
But doomed to wander around your destiny?

I do sometimes.
And it scares the life out of me.