A delicate heart held in a shaking hand.
Pain.
Sorrow.
Joy.
Love.
I feel deeply; feel everything.
With what you are holding.
Don't close your eyes.
Don't give up.
Stay strong.
Please be careful.
Tender touches, fingers softly stroking my cheek.
Quiet laughter in the morning.
Turning over between warm sheets to see your sleeping face.
So peaceful. So vulnerable.
Leave your guard down for me.
I'm not like them.
I care.
Feet sliding against each other underneath the old oak kitchen table.
Spoons clinking against cereal bowls.
Tired eyes happily wrinkled as the morning sun finds its way in the window.
Warmth, happiness, acceptance.
Don't take it away.
Don't drop what you're holding.
I can only trust so many people to hold it.
Before it falls too hard.

An iced train sitting on a rusted track,
the inside fogged with discarded air.
Passengers sit and stare,
with blank expressions and empty hands.
I grasp the door handle,
but it will not open,
and I am afraid I will pull too hard.
A fire arises in my cheeks,
pink and rosey in their pout.
A wave of confidence surges through my deathly cold hands.
I must push forward.
I must escape or drive this train forward.
But what is one to do when stuck in ice?
I must wait for my shell to melt.
Cool drops of water,
slowly unraveling my cocoon.
I will emerge powerful.
I will save myself from harm.

He invited me to come see his play tonight. It should have been lovely.
Instead I pulled over on the side of the highway afterwards to sob.
His parents were all there. All four of them.
One waved sheepishly, one looked on disapproving and another was surprised.
The last didn't look at all.
I cannot say I blame them. I did break up with him for a second time two months ago.
I don't know why I am so fickle.
Something must be wrong with me.
This was a mistake though. I will not go anymore. I will not show anymore.
I subject myself to sadness like this because due to my guilt I feel...
I deserve it.
He messaged me after the show to find me and say hello.
I had already hidden behind the crowd and ran out the back door to my car.
After holding everything in for a while,
tonight on pacific coast highway under the glimmering street lights,
with the ocean lapping up the tide,
in my car on the side of the road,
I let go.