the nights
i go so low
i forget who
i really am
and just want
to be torn down
those nights i need
you the most
but you are so
far gone,
out of reach,
vanished.

i'm broken down
on the side of the road
and when people pass
they just drive faster
so they can pretend
not to see
so they cannot feel guilty
about passing someone
who desperately needs help
and i wonder why
they can get behind the wheel
when i can barely stand up.

i wish the memory
of you would go.
you need to leave my head.
there are no vacancies here.
did you hear me?
we're full.
get out of
my head.
nobody asked
you to be here.

here i am
bleeding ink onto
a clean page
when i should
be safe and sound
with the dreams
that include you
and slowly become
my nightmares.

i just want to go back
back to the day
where you kissed me
you and i
on that roof
the memory
will not fade away
and suddenly
all over again
i feel the pain
in my chest
stomach, back
and my throat closing
as i hear those
two words
that you yelled over the phone
"i'm done"

you tell me you are falling
falling for my eyes
falling for my smile
falling for my sweetness
falling for my craziness
and my dorky side
and you like to tell me
that i'm perfect
even when
my eyes don't shine
my smile isn't real
and i'm not so sweet
and my crazy likes to get the
better of me
and you especially like telling me
when i'm rambling
and talking myself in circles
much like i am now.
i wonder what you'd think of this poem.

lost in a sea of red
i just want to stop the noise in my head
please, just leave me alone.
can't you see?
you can no longer help me
out of this ocean
because i am stuck in its motion.