Days flash past my shadow
Unable to distinguish your face.

Missing someone is overestimated
An individual can't be missed
But how you felt in his presence
Will subsist.

Love conquers as endless matter
Thus exposing your heart is key,
For a new world to perceive.

An unknown yet
familiar ardor rushes through my veins,
I thence forsee you're present but somehow
Gone away.

Humankind around neglected you
Trust is reasonably locked into your gut
Disowning is no option,
Neither patronizing you;
Been there myself.

Dark nights
Dark thoughts;
Disoriented your head,
But reincarneted who you are today.

Don't contemplate there is no better.
Stand high on your feet,
Drown yourself on memories
That once made you
Complete.

Perhaps I'll never be your future,
Perhaps my existence to you is nonsense.
Straightforwardly;
Merely knowing you're no longer lost,
Will be my cue for moving on.

The night you said you'll be okay, you'll be fine,
That's when I felt something's wrong and it was a sign,
You said you'll not cry and it'll take time,
But your world's drifting from mine,

What's good in the morning?
When we both know you're not returning,
I stared at the door hoping to hear a knock,
But then the sun starts to set and I knew you're not coming back.

My room felt so lonely,
These sheets have become my remedy,
Every time I lay in bed,
They're whispering and telling me all the words you've said.

I'm tired of crying every now and then,
I'm scared of asking for a paper and a pen,
You might not give the things I need,
Ignore me like an annoying kid.

But please don't add yourself in my past stories,
Because i'm holding on to us and to our memories,
All I ask from you is be here,
Stay with me because I can't control my anxiety and fear.

Losing you wasn't in my list,
But it seems like you had chosen like it was already a goodbye kiss.

You grabbed my chest and ripped it open,
Until my heart- all I was, fell on the linoleum.
My lungs were full, so with careful precision,
You used a scalpel and made an incision.
For an agonizing time I waited...
As you slowly took me apart and left me debilitated.
You looked at my parts and with a close inspection
You tossed out the ones that weren't perfection.
Then you began to reassemble me, with parts that were new.
While you repeatedly told me how much better they would do.
I believed all of your words and didn't question it.
But once they were in, my chest hurt, and they felt unfit.
I wanted them out, and my old pieces back.
But you said that wouldn't work, I couldn't back track.
Now I'm stuck with pieces that don't fully fit me.
Because I fell into the worlds description of who I should be.

You live in the spaces
between sleep and 2 am.
And I'm stuck there
clinging to memories
that fade like water colors.

Things like your hands
pressed against my body
and those kisses that we
took for granted
in the dark rooms
we called ours.
Things like your eyes
when you needed me
enough to admit it,
and your laugh
breaking my grey silences.

Those small fragments
are ingrained into my brain,
holding tight and overgrown
like lichens to a stone.

It's the things that slip,
like our last kiss,
or those songs
you were always writing
while I was thinking
you could have tried harder
to make us right.
The small details,
your freckles and scars,
and even the hue of your eyes,
are harder and harder
to recall.

Night after night,
I try to conjure images
of your poltergeist smile
and question my sanity
as I get stuck on your eyes-
were they green or were they blue?

And I try to remember the truth
of it all- five years of ugly truths
that beg to be ignored,
but I force them in
and look them in their
pallid faces.

The words sting just as much now
as they did then,
when I let them.
And when I finally close my eyes,
I can still feel your hands
creating bruises like fine art.

And in the moments i feel im not alone
Someone rips the rug right under me
Just to remind me that
I am.

i know what i love
i just dont know
where that fits in the world
i mean maybe it doesn't
and maybe thats the point
but where do i carve space for myself
who will help me once i do
and who will try and bury me to cover up the mark i make?