Never enough.
Never enough of anything.
It's always running low,
running out.
Money, energy, time.

The fuel gauge
threatens empty.
The bank balance
teeters and tips
into the red.
Almost out of smokes, and there's
one last shot
in the bottle.
The car tax expires
in two days.

You've been
exhausted
since forever.
You can't kid yourself
that you're young any more.
Clocks tick
just to **** with you.
It's dark, but
not as dark
as it gets.

Growing up and knowing you give me sighs of bliss,
Didn't you say we're Patroclus and Achilles?
That  we are one soul abiding in two bodies,
Just for you, my best friend, I will make a promise.

You said that if Patroclus' fate's same with mine,
You'll try to make Achilles' fate same with thine
Our corpse lying next to each other would be sign,
Of a true, intimate friendship that is sublime.

Bringing those memories we made in Macedon,
The celebrations of battles we've always won,
I never lost, because I'm with you, Hephaestion,
My only defeat's when I lost you and you're gone.

I am just a general, and you are a king,
We have this love, but this love can do us nothing,
Love is not all that both of us will be needing,
You need an heir, we need wives we'll be marrying.

But even though now I have an heir and a wife,
It would be still you and me in the afterlife,
Even if it means I will be stabbed by a knife,
I'd love you, even this kind of love is not rife.

But even if we died and left this world early,
In separate deathbeds, we made love intimately,
Even if I made my last hurrah without thee,
You kept that promise, that nobody promised me.

When you like somebody so much but you don't know how to tell him,
When you are not sure about what you feel.
When you want to ask him to stay longer but he has to pick up his mom.
When you can't hide the disappointment on your face.
But he said that this soon shall pass.

When he said he was attracted to you
When he hugs you and buries his face in your hair,
When he looks at you with his baby blues so clear
When he laughs with you
When he listens so attentively when you talk
The world is filled with colors

When you knew it was coming
But you thought you could dodge it
When he sat down and said sorry.

When he texts you, When he said he would text you
When he talks with modal auxiliary verbs.
When he tells you his family history.
When I see his eyes brighten
When I think I am falling but don't know his side of story.
are all fragments of our memories.

When he said it's still beautiful to leave when you have developed feelings.

Remember me when you leave.

i've shut down
like a factory building typewriters or VCRs
you left a rotten tingling in my mouth
pepper-flavored rubbing alcohol
slap me like you check yourself out in the mirror
maybe that will set my brain back into motion
sparks and blue soda
i gave you too many chances to ruin my life
bald spots on my head
lungs black because you made me start smoking again
turn around
the back of your head is the only part that doesn't make me cry anymore
and yet it still does
build me up like legos and take me apart piece by piece
we had brooklyn and bagels and trains and hangovers and sheets
religious conversion was avoided
i just realized how unhappy i was with you
all of you
all of what you gave me
which was nothing
taker.
taker.

When you get hurt...
emotionally...
it's not a physical
wound..
And some people
fail to realize that..
You can't just put a
bandage on your heart,
let it heal, and be okay
again... No.
It takes time for your
mind and heart to heal.
Sure there is maybe
some pain now and then
but, not as much as
there was in the beginning.
You're gonna
be okay.

A sound is lying between my sight and my hearing,
mornings strung astray,
noisy, lonely streets, indescribable,
only posters ― whole or torn
of some extraordinary concerts, long forgotten ―
in which lustre of the world? ―
autumn has come over the botanical garden,
her trellises have forgotten to support any leaves,
she is singing herself to me in my eyes
in one poem.
Diligent, my heart surrenders to an elegy
like that thought descending from Rainer Maria Rilke.

Gellu Dorian, from *It might take me years

I walk around this house
with its half rebuilt body
and battered soul,
calling it my home.

Can't quite tell
what it's hiding,
If you don't look carefully.

but if you do
you might feel
resilience and fortitude
coursing through its bones,
entering through its broken
magic door.

12 long years now
since that act of
divine madness,
staged within these walls,
changed
Everything.


- ~

You took your beautiful life,
on an otherwise ordinary
Saturday eve
while the summer sun
hung high
above the moody waters of the lake
and rays of light,
I imagine,
flickered through
the basement window

I was on the phone
with you..
not knowing
till later,
the immensity of what was created
in that moment.

the one that blew me apart forever,
the one that hurls me toward infinite still,
like a dying star seeking a galaxy.

You stayed with me
in silence
until death gently choked you,
then kissed your hands.

You stayed with me
until in lifelessness you dropped the phone,
privileging me with your last moment
honouring me with your last breath.

Autumn Leaves
holds so many memories
of you and me
when love was so sweet ,

My Love,
Where do I go
now that I'm alone?
I walk with my head down
I feel life is no longer the same
Life is so much colder
and I am getting older,

alone is I
in the winter snow
with no where to go
I just haven't let you go
autumn leaves
is apart of you and me
even though you was lade to rest
you will always be the best
part of me among autumn leaves,

I have no one to hold me
but your memories
I sit at the park Watching autumn leaves
while teardrops fall down
upon the wet ground
the sound of the wind
takes me back again
to a place we once had been
Oh ,my love
what must I do
without you?

Poetic Lilly Judy Emery (c)