I'll be waiting for you,
the person I don't know.
I want to meet you,
but I don't know how.

I am dreaming about you
the day we shall meet
and then I will love you
till my last breath.

it's good to not have feelings sometimes
dodging bullets left and right
avoiding heartaches and tears
it's good to have feelings sometimes
getting a warm feeling
for no apparent reason
embracing the light and love
surrounding you

but what if you feel nothing?
what is there to dodge?
what is there to embrace?
how can you just fall into the darkness,
and feeling absolutely nothing?

I saw a light in you
that I couldn't see in myself
and tried so hard
for you to see that
but in doing so,
I didn't realize
you were bringing out
the light in me
that I couldn't see.
How good it felt
for the both of us
to have been shining brightly
together
as one.

There is no skill in feeling.
Deeply and widely
empty holes of upturned ground
boats at the floor of the sea
mountain peaks and sunshine, impossible sunshine
There is no skill in feeling.

I have felt hurricanes and drowning floods.
Disasters that have shaken bones and frozen veins,
yet
there is a hollowness to the knowing and being and–
being.

With you, I feel the white and gleaming opalescence of stars
bathing in the blue of a waning, navy sky.
I have felt whole.
For once, a beaming speckle in a sea of others
brighter and more beautiful
and I have felt the vastness of everything and not cared.
The world could open up and swallow everything
I might be a dandelion in a garden of daisies
I might be sand between toes, washed away in the fresh water of a summer day
but I have seen days with you…

One day I might cease to make new memories.
but I have felt peace with my heart
and I know what it means to feel deeply
to live unapologetically.

But the host within my head has not felt that.
she likes to bar the windows,
set chairs against door handles
lock me inside.
To feel is not a skill.
to feel– to let go

Sometimes I forget to be.
I forget days like the stars to morning,
Gardens like flowers to ice and sleet,
sometimes I am overcome by the vastness of everything

But I have seen days with you.
and one day, I want to just be.
A speckle of light in the vastness of everything.