when i see around
i wonder
why some feel the sun
while others experience thunder
is God unfair
or it's just how life's planned
some have their hands full
while others lack full hands
some run after money
while others look for lust
some become criminals
while others can never be just
some are dark
some are deep
while others have
secrets to keep
so dear reader
when i say
understanding the world
is no child's play
please stop looking
for things that can't be found
-for the loveliest of words
will never have a sound

every little thing

reminds me of him

i try forgetting

and letting

my feelings go

as i don't want to show

that how he still affects

and infects

my cold cold walls

that i've built

to stop myself from going back

and make my decision tilt

i don't understand the charm

of unrequited want

deep down i know he means no harm

yet his memories haunt

i hope he finds what he's looking for

maybe that'll help my disease cure?

i don't want to feel

anything for anyone

so that i can heal

and be fooled by none

caring makes me weak

so i want to be bleak

again

angered by my pain

insane

in chains

for letting myself free

shattered my broken soul

painting my heart as black as coal

so now i know

what these emotions cost

making me feel oh so low

such that

no love in me is left to be lost

for every moment

that passed me by

nothing's permanent

neither you nor i

like the sun i set for you

but you being earth-want the moon

so i rise again without a cue

  burning for you alone too soon

but it is what it is

isn't it?

death is life's sweetest kiss

one day i'll run out of words

for you and your shy sky

and stop wondering why

-every truth was once a lie?

you know i like you, but you don't
for this i shouldn't blame you & i won't
i have never liked someone enough
to give up being tough
but you changed this for me
made me feel what it means to be free
i have opened up my heart here
letting go of all my fears
waiting for a single sign
that one acknowledgement line
but nothing comes through
i know i am making this difficult for you
i should take what's left of my pride and leave
i would if i could, me should you believe

i don't know what's stopping me
but i just can't give up without a fight
but doing this on repeat
is diminishing my already dull light
before you i used to pride myself
how i don't let guys affect my life
never wanted to be with anyone
because of my own emotional rife
yet here i am vulnerable and weak
in your eyes maybe i'm a freak
but i am grateful for going through this
learning what it means to miss
someone i never had
now has the power to make me sad

i have spoken too much, haven't i
but how can i withdraw without a try
you hurt me and you don't even know
i am simply reaping what i'd sown

it's funny isn't it

how i lose my wits

whenever i see you

in shades of pink and blue

i can't dare to look your way

what if you have something to say

hours and hours i spend

dreading the day this will end

i admire you so much

that typing this is making me blush

how can seeing you close by

make me oh so happily high

it's not easy you know
to be brave and show
how i feel about your existence
and shape my thoughts into sentences
thoughts.......
how was your day
wondering if you're okay
what new did you learn
am i any of your concern
and all this thinking
is making me type this
to tell you that
it's you who i miss
i don't know what to do
stop or keep writing for you

but we both know the answer, don't we
i am oh so stupid and silly
i will keep writing for you
until i'm specifically asked not to

there are a thousand words
i want to say to you
but none will ever be heard
just in my poems be viewed

when's your birthday
what do you like to play
where would you like to go
you like things fast or slow
your favourite color's black
what's this one thing you lack
what makes you tick
what makes you sick
best day you ever had
when was the last time you were sad
what's your greatest fear
do you get "laughter tears"
movies you watch
whiskey or scotch
the songs you sing
what's your thing
worst memory you made
all your dull-bright shades

you're beautiful
just the way you are
your happy smile
and your hidden scars

i wish i could love like the sun
so selflessly wholesome
for someone could i passionately burn
expecting nothing in return
but i ain't no saint
i am pretty selfish
because i do wish
for you to look at me too
i know it isn't fair
thus i won't further share
but that one glimpse of yours
made my day for sure
i know i shouldn't trouble you
but only if i knew
how to go back in time
and stop myself from calling you mine

another day went by
since saw you i
wondering how you are
watching from afar

i've never heard your voice
but this isn't by my choice
what goes on in your mind
i am too scared to find

so this is all i do
pour out my heart
here in these words and few
missing what has always been apart

in crowds that passed me by
under the grayish blue sky
i kept looking for you all around
to your thoughts was i bound
but couldn't find that happy smile
that had the power to bring life
to a dark dead day
by simply breathing away
i know the times are tough
and the timing's all wrong
but i know things will be fine
and misery won't prolong
so I'll keep searching for you
until next time our eyes meet
and keep troubling you
with words that i should delete

thought i won't write
for you today
but even out of sight
you're making me sway
your way
such that i'm stringing
these lines
and clinging
to hopeful vines
of you
thinking about me too

it's just been a day and few
since the last time i saw you
your face
your gaze
i miss so much
to your memories do i clutch
and hold on for so long
because thinking about your presence
makes me live through your absence
i am doing things i've never done before
i am going all in because i want more
i am taking this risk for sure
why?
because you're worth the effort, encore!

i promised myself yesterday

i won't think of him any way

yet he is on my mind

and to my poems he is blind

he reads them daily without a doubt

that he's the subject to all my bouts

his ignorance is not my bliss

so letting this attraction go- my only wish

i
always
knew
that
i
wasn't
attractive;
but
these
days
i'm
learni­ng
that
i'm
repulsive
too

my mom taught me when
i was a little girl at ten
to never chase after a guy
that often made me wonder why
because
naive I was
thought that if the boy i liked
didn't know he made my pulse spike
could end up with someone not me
so my interest in him should he see
but she was right like always
and now i sit here with rays
of died hope
which is difficult to cope
with the fact
that
he doesn't even know that I exist
then why should i persist?

I don't know why
I'm writing at this hour
when all I want to do
is look at the stars
feel their warmth
and love their light
understanding darkness
by learning from the bright
I know I'm damaged
to an extent of no repair
but still a part of me
believes in human care
to be wanted for who I am
-a mess arranged in layers
hard to know, harder to love
but never a betrayer

i don't want much

just a moment to breathe you in

your silhouette to touch

not an inch more of skin

i don't long for your attention

i'm happy to see you happy

not an ounce of your affection

i want to let you be free

i am not after your best parts

just the ones you hide

the dark deep pieces of your heart

those i want you to in me confide

i am not aiming for your mind

just the glimpses of your thoughts

that have me so inclined

towards you in all sorts


i am that girl who can look at you all day long

but will never let these feelings prolong

for i can't look at you when you look at me

-i can't muster up the courage to be

~y o u r s

why can't i let you go?
let things be like before
before....
i saw you standing there
of my interest- unaware
with your friends in deep talks
that made me pause my long walks
you're trouble knows my heart
yet seeing you makes it start
with a beat so profound
that it makes sounds
for you to notice me too
and exchange a word or few
but I battle with my brain
attraction is something to refrain
for all i've known is pain
and i can't go through it again
i try to kick you out of my mind
yet in the corners do I find
you lurking there in deep
making me want to keep
looking for you everyday
yet stay shut without a say
because i know this through
i ain't the one you'll want
so i want to not want you
because your ghost will forever haunt
me and my stupid senses
that are making me type these sentences

i am preparing for the crash

like all my decisions this too is rash

i know how it'll end

yet every rule i bend

look at you and then down

staring at you i'm found

i try to shake it off

but then i see you standoff

turning all about

letting go of all my doubts

i just can't suppress this change

i know it's way too strange

i've never felt so alive before

maybe that's why i always want more

but I'm not built for this stuff

my past keeps me in handcuffs

i know it'll be the same

yet can't i seem to stop

i will always be lame

in my own head up caught

tall and lean
oh a little bit mean
i like the way you look
-a guy from my book

easy on the eyes
a tempting prize
i like the way you smile
-even if i witness it for a while

dark deep stare
sinuous hair
i like the way you scrunch your nose
-making me curl my toes

calm and collected
temper-tormented
i like the way you are
-silent like a star

a piece of work
i can't seem to shirk
i like the way you think
-interesting to the brink ;)

i like you

but is it enough?
for me to not be tough
give-up my inhibitions
and ignore these superstitions!

you are my crush,
or just another adrenaline rush?

w h y

c o u l d n ' t

t h e y

a b s t a i n

t h a t

o n e

d a y

?

there's this eerie feeling

that's crawling up my heart

wounding all my healing

forcing me to over start

all the progress made I

seems to be nothing for

don't remember going high

drowning in my mind for sure

my roots keep pulling me down

my branches amputating my growth

family, friends and foes frown

upon this meaningless life's oath

lust dies but love survives

you gave me a taste

even though chaste

leaving me crave more

and

more

and

more

and like the thirsty sea

i keep panting to meet my shore

thank you for that moment

in which i was loved

all the minutes i spent

with lips-locked, souls handcuffed

i lived and i died in your arms

that wrapped around my soul

keeping me away from harm

and making me whole by filling up that hole

but you can't be mine

neither can i be yours

yet we'll be fine

that i can tell you for sure

because you'll stay with me always

with your impression on my heart

that i will preserve today

by creating this oh so raw form of art

if "what makes you happy?
could be answered in a
s e n t e n c e
to it would I say
always
everyone & everything
doesn't have to
m a k e  s e n s e

once we get this
r e f e r e n c e
we'll go on a joyous journey
embracing the
c o n s e q u e n c e
with so much
r e v e r e n c e

-We'll Be Happy

you being right

doesn't prove me wrong

me being away doesn't

change where i belong

i maybe a result

of a rough ride

but that doesn't say

that i've got no pride

i am and will always be

better when dealt with bitter

i am different

cuz i am a trend-setter

PART I

warm a minute
the next you're cold
man you've got secrets
and a story untold
i try to look deeper
making my moves bold
letting my pupils dilate
and my want unfold
treat me like a princess
take me like i'm sold
you're not the monster
you think you are
just a broken soul
with stars in your scars
&
i want you
with all your shards
for you're worth the gamble
i'll show you all my cards


PART II

i love it when you're rough
but hate it when you act tough
i know you're strong
but being cold to me is wrong
i don't just open my legs for you
but i welcome you in my heart
taking inside all your hues
making a piece of art
you'd kissed many
but for me you were my first
like a fusion reaction
there were explosions of thirst
one **** led to another lick
and I kept wanting more and more
and before
I knew
I fell for you
for all
you are,
you were,
you'll ever be
i didn't just look at you
through you could i see
and still I want you
so much
that every touch
makes me crave
makes me brave

stormy skies

pretty lies

unanswered whys

unexpected goodbyes

are hard to know

but harder to let go

for once
i want
to flaunt
my scars
cross all
the bars
fall to rise
again
forget all
the pain
be a little
dramatic
let go of
the arctic
defense
the perfect
pretense
just be me
small stature
with a messy bun
a difficult nature
the weird one
lose fitting shirts
hell no to skirts
no hint of concealer
i'm not a revealer
yes i'm boring
yes i'm lame
but if loyalty is what
you're looking for
then i'm game

the only difference
between
who I am
&
who I've been
is
the image in my head
that said
I can be
whoever
I can do
whatever
&
if none of this
proves to be a bliss
I can reset
GO SET GET
whenever
&
however

after all
~
It's My Life

beating heart
a kick start
a slow burn
twists and turns
a playful plot
taking a shot
falling deep
a faithful leap
blushing
crushing
dreaming
beaming
panic attack
out in black
a hole so vivid
a thought so lucid
law of attraction
love is nothing
but an unyielding
transaction

I don't know
for how long
have I been
a melancholy song
it's been years
I've been with my fears
swimming in my tears
only to wet my pillow
every night
losing my light
giving up the fight
I hate myself
like a book on a shelf
that's read by none
because it's no fun
I am the weird one
I try to stop my cry
be a bit stronger
hold up a little longer
but I always fail
leaving behind a trail
of weakness and vices
of these unending compromises
I **** myself everyday
by keeping words
that I should say
by following rules
that none should lay
I suffocate
I choke
and all they think is that
this is another joke
I say I'm okay
but I'm not
I say I'm okay
but I'm caught
in the middle of this chaos
in end of another phase
but this time I don't see
a reason for me to chase
I feel *****
I feel guilty
I feel so much
yet nothing at all
no reason to rise
after this fall
no reason to rise
after this fall.

are you who
who am i
we're the same truth
bound by different lies

take my hand
and set me free
help me live
and let me be

My issues

aren't important

when I see the world around

falling apart on shaky ground

faith depleting

hope fleeting

people dying

breathless and out of breath

with no beds left for death

it's haunting me day and night

seeing the little light

dimming and dimming

darkness brimming

I feel useless and so out of hope

that I find difficult to cope

with my own issues

that seem nothing today

like a sad excuse

I've got nothing more to say.

i don't know
what's making me show
my screen glow
in this dark dark room
where all i have is gloom
i have everything
yet nothing at all
so many numbers
but none that i could call
too many blessing to count
yet so much self doubt
my dad's playing his good old songs
my mum's watching her series
yet here i've been sitting for so long
that my own head seems eerie
it's pouring out
the silence too loud
i miss a friend i had
his memories making me sad
there's none so bold
to ever fall for me
i've been told
i'm pretty
yet the irony
that none think i'm worth
i too curse my birth
i also miss my sister
her death gave my soul blisters
that still bleed and will never heal
i don't want to feel
just an adrenaline rush
a sext here; there a crush
nothing permanent
nothing to cement
just give me an hour i crave
i promise, after that i'll behave

Everday
on my bed
as I lay
with images in my head
of him in me, on me
my wrists tied, my heart free
heavy breathing
souls seething
so much passion
******* in every fashion
I let all these thoughts
guide me to places
where pleasure can be brought
with mere bites and traces
as I set a rhythm so profound
taking myself till I'm left astound
all I see is him, all I hear is him
and then as our hips stop
it's time for our lips to lock
only for me to open my eyes
and realize
all of this is nothing but lies
him, me and us
created by my mind
only for me to find
me all by myself and lonely
making me feel oh so guilty
filling me up with so much shame
this wildness I try to tame
in vain
in vain
because now I know that
my touch will get too much
over and over again
over and over again.

t h e  p r e t t i e s t

f a c e s

h i d e

t h e  u g l i e s t

t r a c e s

Your absence fills my heart

like an unclaimed piece of art,

you already knew

that I lacked hues

so

I

charged

U

for

theft

when

you

left

but you made me realize

how dull are my eyes

how muffled are my cries

how lame is my existence

how pointless is my persistence,

how far you are

when you still hold me close,

how easy I am

waiting to be the one you chose,

I know

in this world of "Hello"

all I'll ever be is "Crucio"

unlovable

&

unwanted

-a pretty little thing that'll

always remain haunted.

Why
do I
end up
alone
with my
phone
showing
screen glowing
with nothing
at all
no texts
no calls
just me
and this solitude
I wish for
someone
to intrude
but they keep
their distance
and
I keep up my
persistence
waiting
wishing
wanting
yet
the montony
is haunting,
I decided to
be okay
with me being
lonely everyday
but a small part of me
does pray
my heart
does betray
making me regret
all the chances
I didn't take
making me fret
over all the
bonds
I didn't make,
so I write this verse
on impulse
missing the absence
wasting the presence
living in the past
dying for a future to last.

Guys don't like
girls like me
pretty to the eyes
with insides ugly
a past so aghast
a mind so contrast
a tongue so sharp
a mess of shards
all I'll be
is me
and me being me
isn't ****
I'm repulsive
I'm impulsive
I'm not impressive
but very expressive,
some days I'm cold
some days I do what I'm told
some days I give you the fight of your life
some days I wish for you to make me your wife,
guys don't like
girls like me
chained to my fears
appearing to be free
I can smile in my pain
then cry in my regrets
keeping my heat safe
I'll love you in my brain,
all I wish is for
a guy like me
to like me
for who I am
and not what
he wants me to be
a chance, a risk, a gamble
a love story in shambles.

The motions of 'e'

have always failed me,

caring too much

loving so much,

has always broken

me and my heart,

everybody taking a token

of my sharpest of shards;

letting people in

only for them to leave

and to be left by so many

has now made me believe

that

there's no point in harboring

these motions of 'e'

for all I'll always be

so fully empty,

people are wrong

when they say

that

emotions make us strong

because

for all this long

all I've learnt

after getting brutally burnt

expressing ourselves

is

exhibiting ourselves;

is

exposing ourselves,

making them see

will never let us free,

so I'll never let

these motions of 'e'

stop me

so I'll never let

these motions of 'e'

stop me.

Take me to bed

but don't let me sleep,

embrace me please

and hear me weep;

then hug me so tight

let me bury my head

in the crook of your neck

making you hear the unsaid,

after that wipe my tears

then kiss my eyes;

for loving you isn't always easy

but I'm willing to pay the price.