is heartbreak
a mere ache
of a disfigured *****
the one
that pumps you up
only to bleed you dry
and leave you in pain
of unheard cries,
unanswered whys
and unsaid goodbyes

is a lost chance
worth the trance
of pills that ****
your ability to love
again
only to refrain
yourself
from anyone else
who dares to care

well
the answer
if i tell
says-

be brave
don't think
cuz it's not the safe
that stays
but the ship that sinks
is the one that people link
with love stories and magic
even if it's tragic
it will be worth it all
cuz you'll rise again
after every fall

so be more than
your fear of tears
its only after the storm
the sky shall clear

you're the one good bond i had

the one good thing in the bad

the prettiest person were you

accepting my ugly and blue

i will never be free from our bond

of you i shall forever stay fond

somethings are too painful to remember

but you're too precious to forget

love like dying embers

our destinies in stone set

though apart

beating hearts

pumping the same red

residing in each other's head

two books too different for a shelf

two souls too dark for a self

scar-adorned
rightfully wronged
roughly toughened
a woman who's strong
to none do i belong
walked down the aisle
shed blood
a cold smile
after the tear flood
life's hard
like a shard
slowly kills
everything stills
what remains
are mere names
so think
let it sink
for no man's worth
so justify
your birth on earth

often wonder i

what is it about the bad guys

that draws me in

tempting me to sin

for he'll break my heart

know this i from the very start

yet i crave his fractured feelings

that can't be fixed by healing

so i love him with all i am

to the lion i become the lamb

only to be devoured by him

and claimed from limb to limb

in his arms

away from the harms

only to be destroyed in his cocoon

for falling for him isn't merely a boon

but a bane wrapped in pain

i willingly gain

again and again

because he is a beautifully broken man

who'd never been part of my life's plan

so deep do i peep

to find stars in his scars

and a love so profound

to him I stay forever bound


-----★☆★☆★☆-----

your
memo
r i  e s
do   i  erase
by bleeding
on this page
t   h   e   s   e
m  on ster  s
away i chase
by lett  ing my
own out of cage
for there'll be none
s   o        b     r   a  v   e
who'll   try      to       save
alone w      e shall  
thrive      that's
   the     way
we'll
   s      
     u  
           r
v
i        
      v    
          e

their eyes full of judgement
makes me lament
the loss of something that could be
at the cost of me being free

their words full of contempt
and the lack of tempt
makes me feel oh so guilty
since couldn't i bear his proximity

their hearts full of rage
place me in my mind's cage
where i can breathe
in my own hell do i seethe

their brains full of malicious stuff
that makes me tough
each day each hour
i realize i've come pretty far

so i exist the way i am
"too glam to give a ****"
my wildness can't be tamed
-a memory that can't be framed

it'll always be physical
attraction, affection & attention
making me cynical
and creating these perceptions
all he wants is an adrenaline rush
and all she longs for is some company
the blood running to give him a blush
switching her cloudy days to sunny
a drink to bury his sorrow
a text to make her a little less hollow
a joint lightening up their eyes
only to mask their conjoint cries
they're too afraid to feel
and too wounded to heal
so this is how
with their depression they deal
but not feeling won't help
later or sooner they'll yelp
because done damage
can never be cured
simply hidden behind a bandage
day by day it'll be endured

dead eyes
don't tell lies
for they once survived
in the light they thrived
only to be enclosed
in the the darkness enfold
.
.
.
their tears have dried
for they've cried
a sea so stormily silent
leaving rivulets so violent
that now stand still
waiting for the ****
.
.
.
all good things come to an end
so why do we pretend
that this happy moment will last
when our past shall cast
shadows on our present
waning our full moon to a crescent

she was a bird in her mind's cage

a slave to her own rage

for nothing could destroy her except

the pessimistic thoughts she kept

she didn't fly

not because she couldn't

rather because she didn't try

as she believed that she shouldn't

the sky was hers to scale

yet she never left the land

but one fine day did someone hail

and offered her his hand

too scared to spread her wings

she shrunk into her shadows

but he was one of those good things

that stuck around to on her grow

so step by step

did she prep

for a flight oh so high

scaling their sky

with him on her side

-that all her fears died


--The End--

we are going to die
if not today then tomorrow
so why do we lie
believing there won't be sorrow
for who has come
will definitely go
nobody's wholesome
it's just for show
then why sail ships of relations
when we know life's just a vacation
everything that starts
is meant to end
then why engage our hearts
when we know there'll be none to tend
to our broken souls
and damaged minds
that'll be decorated with holes
and missing pieces hard to find

dear reader, tell me please
why do we get attached
when we know that this person
can any moment be snatched
a w a y
any day

in all these crowds

i wander my way

looking for things

that'll help me stay

for everything's back

to being gray

now that the sun's hidden

it's dusk after the day

as the darkness descesnds

my demons come to play

and i'm left alone

to type away what i had to say

i no longer believe

that everything's going to be okay

so i'm learning to live

happily in my own dismay

for the drops will change

everytime it'll rain

i won't do the same

over and over again

i know i ain't normal

so i accept i'm not sane

i remember who i am

-the prettiest product of pain

when i see around
i wonder
why some feel the sun
while others experience thunder
is God unfair
or it's just how life's planned
some have their hands full
while others lack full hands
some run after money
while others look for lust
some become criminals
while others can never be just
some are dark
some are deep
while others have
secrets to keep
so dear reader
when i say
understanding the world
is no child's play
please stop looking
for things that can't be found
-for the loveliest of words
will never have a sound

every little thing

reminds me of him

i try forgetting

and letting

my feelings go

as i don't want to show

that how he still affects

and infects

my cold cold walls

that i've built

to stop myself from going back

and make my decision tilt

i don't understand the charm

of unrequited want

deep down i know he means no harm

yet his memories haunt

i hope he finds what he's looking for

maybe that'll help my disease cure?

i don't want to feel

anything for anyone

so that i can heal

and be fooled by none

caring makes me weak

so i want to be bleak

again

angered by my pain

insane

in chains

for letting myself free

shattered my broken soul

painting my heart as black as coal

so now i know

what these emotions cost

making me feel oh so low

such that

no love in me is left to be lost

for every moment

that passed me by

nothing's permanent

neither you nor i

like the sun i set for you

but you being earth-want the moon

so i rise again without a cue

  burning for you alone too soon

but it is what it is

isn't it?

death is life's sweetest kiss

one day i'll run out of words

for you and your shy sky

and stop wondering why

-every truth was once a lie?

you know i like you, but you don't
for this i shouldn't blame you & i won't
i have never liked someone enough
to give up being tough
but you changed this for me
made me feel what it means to be free
i have opened up my heart here
letting go of all my fears
waiting for a single sign
that one acknowledgement line
but nothing comes through
i know i am making this difficult for you
i should take what's left of my pride and leave
i would if i could, me should you believe

i don't know what's stopping me
but i just can't give up without a fight
but doing this on repeat
is diminishing my already dull light
before you i used to pride myself
how i don't let guys affect my life
never wanted to be with anyone
because of my own emotional rife
yet here i am vulnerable and weak
in your eyes maybe i'm a freak
but i am grateful for going through this
learning what it means to miss
someone i never had
now has the power to make me sad

i have spoken too much, haven't i
but how can i withdraw without a try
you hurt me and you don't even know
i am simply reaping what i'd sown

it's funny isn't it

how i lose my wits

whenever i see you

in shades of pink and blue

i can't dare to look your way

what if you have something to say

hours and hours i spend

dreading the day this will end

i admire you so much

that typing this is making me blush

how can seeing you close by

make me oh so happily high

it's not easy you know
to be brave and show
how i feel about your existence
and shape my thoughts into sentences
thoughts.......
how was your day
wondering if you're okay
what new did you learn
am i any of your concern
and all this thinking
is making me type this
to tell you that
it's you who i miss
i don't know what to do
stop or keep writing for you

but we both know the answer, don't we
i am oh so stupid and silly
i will keep writing for you
until i'm specifically asked not to

there are a thousand words
i want to say to you
but none will ever be heard
just in my poems be viewed

when's your birthday
what do you like to play
where would you like to go
you like things fast or slow
your favourite color's black
what's this one thing you lack
what makes you tick
what makes you sick
best day you ever had
when was the last time you were sad
what's your greatest fear
do you get "laughter tears"
movies you watch
whiskey or scotch
the songs you sing
what's your thing
worst memory you made
all your dull-bright shades

you're beautiful
just the way you are
your happy smile
and your hidden scars

i wish i could love like the sun
so selflessly wholesome
for someone could i passionately burn
expecting nothing in return
but i ain't no saint
i am pretty selfish
because i do wish
for you to look at me too
i know it isn't fair
thus i won't further share
but that one glimpse of yours
made my day for sure
i know i shouldn't trouble you
but only if i knew
how to go back in time
and stop myself from calling you mine

another day went by
since saw you i
wondering how you are
watching from afar

i've never heard your voice
but this isn't by my choice
what goes on in your mind
i am too scared to find

so this is all i do
pour out my heart
here in these words and few
missing what has always been apart

in crowds that passed me by
under the grayish blue sky
i kept looking for you all around
to your thoughts was i bound
but couldn't find that happy smile
that had the power to bring life
to a dark dead day
by simply breathing away
i know the times are tough
and the timing's all wrong
but i know things will be fine
and misery won't prolong
so I'll keep searching for you
until next time our eyes meet
and keep troubling you
with words that i should delete

thought i won't write
for you today
but even out of sight
you're making me sway
your way
such that i'm stringing
these lines
and clinging
to hopeful vines
of you
thinking about me too

it's just been a day and few
since the last time i saw you
your face
your gaze
i miss so much
to your memories do i clutch
and hold on for so long
because thinking about your presence
makes me live through your absence
i am doing things i've never done before
i am going all in because i want more
i am taking this risk for sure
why?
because you're worth the effort, encore!

i promised myself yesterday

i won't think of him any way

yet he is on my mind

and to my poems he is blind

he reads them daily without a doubt

that he's the subject to all my bouts

his ignorance is not my bliss

so letting this attraction go- my only wish

i
always
knew
that
i
wasn't
attractive;
but
these
days
i'm
learni­ng
that
i'm
repulsive
too

my mom taught me when
i was a little girl at ten
to never chase after a guy
that often made me wonder why
because
naive I was
thought that if the boy i liked
didn't know he made my pulse spike
could end up with someone not me
so my interest in him should he see
but she was right like always
and now i sit here with rays
of died hope
which is difficult to cope
with the fact
that
he doesn't even know that I exist
then why should i persist?

I don't know why
I'm writing at this hour
when all I want to do
is look at the stars
feel their warmth
and love their light
understanding darkness
by learning from the bright
I know I'm damaged
to an extent of no repair
but still a part of me
believes in human care
to be wanted for who I am
-a mess arranged in layers
hard to know, harder to love
but never a betrayer

i don't want much

just a moment to breathe you in

your silhouette to touch

not an inch more of skin

i don't long for your attention

i'm happy to see you happy

not an ounce of your affection

i want to let you be free

i am not after your best parts

just the ones you hide

the dark deep pieces of your heart

those i want you to in me confide

i am not aiming for your mind

just the glimpses of your thoughts

that have me so inclined

towards you in all sorts


i am that girl who can look at you all day long

but will never let these feelings prolong

for i can't look at you when you look at me

-i can't muster up the courage to be

~y o u r s

why can't i let you go?
let things be like before
before....
i saw you standing there
of my interest- unaware
with your friends in deep talks
that made me pause my long walks
you're trouble knows my heart
yet seeing you makes it start
with a beat so profound
that it makes sounds
for you to notice me too
and exchange a word or few
but I battle with my brain
attraction is something to refrain
for all i've known is pain
and i can't go through it again
i try to kick you out of my mind
yet in the corners do I find
you lurking there in deep
making me want to keep
looking for you everyday
yet stay shut without a say
because i know this through
i ain't the one you'll want
so i want to not want you
because your ghost will forever haunt
me and my stupid senses
that are making me type these sentences

i am preparing for the crash

like all my decisions this too is rash

i know how it'll end

yet every rule i bend

look at you and then down

staring at you i'm found

i try to shake it off

but then i see you standoff

turning all about

letting go of all my doubts

i just can't suppress this change

i know it's way too strange

i've never felt so alive before

maybe that's why i always want more

but I'm not built for this stuff

my past keeps me in handcuffs

i know it'll be the same

yet can't i seem to stop

i will always be lame

in my own head up caught

tall and lean
oh a little bit mean
i like the way you look
-a guy from my book

easy on the eyes
a tempting prize
i like the way you smile
-even if i witness it for a while

dark deep stare
sinuous hair
i like the way you scrunch your nose
-making me curl my toes

calm and collected
temper-tormented
i like the way you are
-silent like a star

a piece of work
i can't seem to shirk
i like the way you think
-interesting to the brink ;)

i like you

but is it enough?
for me to not be tough
give-up my inhibitions
and ignore these superstitions!

you are my crush,
or just another adrenaline rush?

w h y

c o u l d n ' t

t h e y

a b s t a i n

t h a t

o n e

d a y

?

there's this eerie feeling

that's crawling up my heart

wounding all my healing

forcing me to over start

all the progress made I

seems to be nothing for

don't remember going high

drowning in my mind for sure

my roots keep pulling me down

my branches amputating my growth

family, friends and foes frown

upon this meaningless life's oath

lust dies but love survives

you gave me a taste

even though chaste

leaving me crave more

and

more

and

more

and like the thirsty sea

i keep panting to meet my shore

thank you for that moment

in which i was loved

all the minutes i spent

with lips-locked, souls handcuffed

i lived and i died in your arms

that wrapped around my soul

keeping me away from harm

and making me whole by filling up that hole

but you can't be mine

neither can i be yours

yet we'll be fine

that i can tell you for sure

because you'll stay with me always

with your impression on my heart

that i will preserve today

by creating this oh so raw form of art

if "what makes you happy?
could be answered in a
s e n t e n c e
to it would I say
always
everyone & everything
doesn't have to
m a k e  s e n s e

once we get this
r e f e r e n c e
we'll go on a joyous journey
embracing the
c o n s e q u e n c e
with so much
r e v e r e n c e

-We'll Be Happy

you being right

doesn't prove me wrong

me being away doesn't

change where i belong

i maybe a result

of a rough ride

but that doesn't say

that i've got no pride

i am and will always be

better when dealt with bitter

i am different

cuz i am a trend-setter

PART I

warm a minute
the next you're cold
man you've got secrets
and a story untold
i try to look deeper
making my moves bold
letting my pupils dilate
and my want unfold
treat me like a princess
take me like i'm sold
you're not the monster
you think you are
just a broken soul
with stars in your scars
&
i want you
with all your shards
for you're worth the gamble
i'll show you all my cards


PART II

i love it when you're rough
but hate it when you act tough
i know you're strong
but being cold to me is wrong
i don't just open my legs for you
but i welcome you in my heart
taking inside all your hues
making a piece of art
you'd kissed many
but for me you were my first
like a fusion reaction
there were explosions of thirst
one **** led to another lick
and I kept wanting more and more
and before
I knew
I fell for you
for all
you are,
you were,
you'll ever be
i didn't just look at you
through you could i see
and still I want you
so much
that every touch
makes me crave
makes me brave