distance,
pain,
silence,
i just want you to know,
that even if
i seem like i’m gone,
i won’t ever
leave you behind.

there's a sense of loneliness that creeps up my heart at 2 in the morning. it is the loneliness that i have felt since you left without any goodbyes.

i look up and see nothing but the emptiness of a dimly lit and cold room - shivering, not because of the cold breeze the air conditioning blows but because of the lost of the warmth from your words and presence. maybe, you can drop a message or a note? something that can remind me of you, oh God, who am i kidding? everything reminds me of you.

it is the stuffed toy that still lies on a spot beside my pillow, hoping that somewhat it can give me comfort.

the glow in the dark stars on my cabinet; because you've always loved science, the stars and space.

my brother's bedsheet; just because coincidentally, he had to have it in your favorite character.

some poem that i've scrolled through; just because the words fit you like a puzzle.

just like that, everything is all about you.

you always seem to find a way to make it back into my life without knowing it, nor wanting it. because in reality, all these are just my excuses to remember you, even if you don't remember me at all.

if people knew how much they meant to someone, would they have stayed?

hey,
i dreamt about you last night,
i woke up feeling lost and empty;
why is it that after so long,
my subconscious still thinks about you?

what a coincidence it was,
when i saw a glimpse of you in the mall,
was it even you?
or simply a fragment of my imagination?
i turned around to dodge your line of sight;
i wanted to pretend i was never there.

seeing you again,
made me drown in emotions,
i thought i got rid of.
i remember the late nights,
the thoughts of you,
me trying to let you go,
and i really thought i already have.

i'm sorry,
it seems as though,
you're still engraved in my heart,
i can't seem to push away the thought of you,
or the loneliness your memory brings me.

but here i am,
writing,
hugging the stuffed toy you once gave me,
at 11:11,
hoping that someday and somehow,
you,
my wish,
would come true.

we were like sailboats,
all set for individual destinations,
not knowing how or when we would arrive.

we were like sailboats,
that crossed paths and waved hello,
but we got so used to each other's company in the sea,
that when it was time to let go,
it was too hard,
so we chose to stay.

but, with fate's cruel twist,
a huge wave crashed,
and set us both back to our separate courses,
so we drifted,
slowly,
painfully,
until we could no longer remember who each other were.

she said, he said,
what’s in between?
the hurt, the anger and the painful reality,
that in the eyes of many,
i am no longer,
the one who cares,
the one who loves truly and deeply,
the one with a sky full of dreams,
in the end,
in other people’s eyes,
i am not even me,
i am someone who they’ve painted me to be.

I see you happier without me,
and honestly that kills me.
It kills me to know that you've found comfort in those who you told me you disliked.
It's weird how through time, I watched you change into someone you told me you never would be.
It crazy how time can change people.
It changed you and it changed me; it changed us.
But, I'm somehow still holding on to you, through my memories of you.
And, one day or someday, we might cross paths again.
Maybe by then,
time will have completely changed us both.