You wear leather
As dark as your heart
You speak words
As sharp as a knife

You smell of cigarettes
And sometimes cologne
You wreak of Jack Daniel's
But mostly depravity

You lurk in the shadows
And prey on the young
You desire a girl
But only one night

You tell her your lies
To trick her to stay
And then like a coward
You run away

you feel like heaven
between my thighs
when you fill my soul
stars form before my eyes
the way you breathe is intoxicating,
primal and raw in my ear
the way you hold me is maddening,
so close to you and dear
the world melts away
when your lips meet mine
or you catch my Monroe gaze
i'm in love with you Mr. Ocean Eyes
you taste like sin
and the trouble i'm in
i'm drunk off the way you speak to me
so fast and cheap
i miss your hand clenched
around my frail throat
and your hotboxed car
filled to the brim with smoke
Daddy, don't be mean
you're forever my King
no need to doubt my loyalty
when pretty kitty treats you like royalty

Once upon a time,
There was a lady with brown hair,
Big brown eyes
With the smile of an Angel.

There was also a man,
Black hair,
Brown eyes
And the smirk of the devil.

The lady picked up a heart she found
On the floor,
She was walking down the yellow
Brick road.
The felt the heart and examined it,
The heart was cold and it was
Broken.
She wondered whose it was,
So she placed it in a bag and brought
It to a doctor,
When the doctor saw it he told her:
"Ma'am this hearts been broken
For months,
It's cold and it's old
I'm sorry I cannot help you,
The person this heart belongs to is dead."

The lady did not give up,
She took the heart and she went to a
Priest.
The priest told her,
"Sister I'm sorry,
But I am not a doctor
I cannot tell you whose heart this is,
But I can tell you that this
Person has suffered very much,
The heart is broken in every corner.
Almost as if it was thrown and
Cracked like a beer bottle.
May God have mercy on this person."

The lady did not give up,
She took the heart and she took it to
Her House.
she taped it up and stitched it
Together.
The heart was ugly but for some reason
Could not let it go.

She went to the city wondering whose
Heart it was.
Nobody claimed it,
And everyone was disgusted at the sight.
An old lady told her,
"You shouldn't be carrying that heart
Around,
Just look at how rotten it is,
It looks like someone ran it over with a
Truck several times.
It should be thrown away,
You're wasting your time looking for
That guy."

The lady didn't give up,
And she kept on trying,
Trying and trying
Time and time again
She lost hope in finding this man
Until one day there was a knock on her door,
She found it weird because
She knew no one.
At her door step she found flowers,
With a little note it was directions
To a grave, it said:
"Meet me here bring the heart with you."

She went to the cemetery but could
Not find the grave.
She looked and she looked,
She asked one of the guards
And they said that the grave did
Not exist.

She threw the heart On
The ground and experienced
Feelings of abandonment,
She felt like a part of her was missing
She looked at her heart and
Found out it was cracking.
She had to go back,
And when she did it was gone.
The Ground ate it like an apple,
She felt hopeless and
Angry at herself.

But she didn't give up,
She began to dig and dig.
Until she Finally found it,
She grabbed it and cleaned it,
She said:
"Ill always take care of you and I promise not to abandon you."

She felt a tap on her shoulder and
Saw the devil.
He was disguised as an angel
And said he was sorry
For not appearing earlier,
He had hurt so many people
And he felt destroyed
He no longer wanted to feel guilt
And he threw away his heart
He said the heart is a useless
Instrument that humanity has,
He says it takes away everything one
Could put his hands on.

The lady said "no You're wrong,
It doesn't matter who You've hurt
Or the things that you've done,
Your heart is what tells you right from wrong,
And without it you will not remember
Who you are.
With a head on your shoulders
It is not merely enough,
You need something to guide you
And without a heart you can guide no one."
The devil laughed at this,
"Why do you think it is so important to
Care about others?
When I left my heart out for
Months and months people will
Only step on it and saw how ugly it was
Why do you claim to see beauty in
A persons heart? "

The lady responded,
"Not everyone will see it,
Only those who are ready
Will be able to see beauty in what is ugly,
And will accept the truth over lies.
Everyone hurts others,
But the only problem is Mr devil,
You're the cause of that hurt.
Which is why you will never know
What it is to care for
Someone else's heart."

My mother is upset;
I comfort her.
My father is angry;
I calm him.
My youngest sister is scared;
I calmly comfort her.

I tell my mother:
I am bisexual;
She tries to beat it out of me.
I tell my father:
I cut myself;
He yells and screams til my ears bleed.
I tell my middle sister:
I am broken;
She hugs me and says,
That’s alright.

i have not written since my last disaster.
the hopelessness, and the empty,
they were horrible feelings, but they held a beauty not worth having.

today, i worry. because tomorrow, the world demands results.
today, i worry. because so many people have told me so many things.
today, i worry. because so many people want me to join their laughter.
today, i worry. because no one knows what i’m doing.

the sun came back -did you know?
however, it is so much easier to study in the rain. i feel the need for my life,
when in reality my life should be tomorrow -because the world demands results.
because those results i also demand of myself.

yet, my heart, ever persistent, collides.
it whispers to me -can you believe it? she knows about that?
and it tells me -you can’t miss these things.
even though i can’t solve these things, they won’t let me rest until they’re solved.

but the world demands results. it wants a girl with a voice,
a girl who can turn circles and spheres and make something out of what she’s been given.
most importantly, it demands a girl who can solve any problem,
reason out every thought for hours. those are results.

and day after day, i change from i to she. because i am me. and i’m also she.
she, who can be the girl the world demands.

she has no time for this, she knows. her whole life is results.
as it should be. and when she’s done, she rests her shoulder against her bed.
and once, long ago, used to wonder who found her beautiful.
once, used to dismiss that feeling.

now, she carries it. each time the world demands, she gives.
she gives everything for results, and everything else for those people.
expect one thing. one, who she can’t see. one has held her hand twice,
one who makes dreams with her.

one, who she makes dreams with. because when the world is done demanding,
she’ll send her letters in the form of keys,
and think about what they’ll become.
she rests her back against her bed, and wonders what it would be like if she was sitting next to her.
holding her hand under the moonlight and holding her in heart as she allowed the day to seep out of her.

And I fall
   In the hole
          We call "hope"
I feel safe
  Water's waiting for me
                 At the bottom.
I lie to myself
      Because I know
                      I'll remember I can't
             ~swim~
  the moment my fragile bones touch
                     _ the water_