Hmm is the next word to mmmm
I have no feelings for drama
Neither do I play soccer
Have the heart like a lion
It aims to poison
I'm just running near the streams
My heart is racing ,so it seems
Like what is I was made to just stand
Made to lop down in the sand
I want just time to breathe
But time only deceives
My eyes are my lookout
Do I got you going hmmmmm yet


I bet ......

when my time comes
it comes
and I will gladly leave
to those who go on living
the task of sorting out
the mess I have accumulated
over years

let them discover
not only the stamp collection
the bank accounts
but also unknown niches
of their father’s/friend’s/husband’s life
the words unspoken
scribbled on some paper
thoughts never shared
for lack of time or opportunity
the letters to a friend of yore
emails to many people
hints of potential
love affairs that maybe never happened
ideas to change the world
into a better place

here I am
  now with a 7 before my years
envisioning life after death

a sign of vanity
perhaps
or an expression of despair

I am not sure

it may just be
the fleeting thoughts
on a clear winter evening
when cold creeps slowly
but insistently
into your bones

reminding you

   of all that cold space
   in our universe
   how it grows larger by the second

making you wonder
if it has a plan
and if that plan
includes you
speculating
about your destiny

        * *

Staring at the sky,
Screaming on the inside,
lighting up to be high,
vanishing from where I reside.

Slicing open my veins,
Wishing to sleep all day,
like a corpse to be lain,
without another I lay.

broken, haunted thoughts,
Scattered, desolate dreams,
A innate nature to be fought,
bursting out at the seams.

What cruelty is a heart
It beats and breaks and tears us apart,
Love which is ment to mend,
Leads us rather to our end,
I know its selfish but I cant help it,
All my life I looked for love,
My luck that it was found and stolen away,
Doesnt he know!?
One word from his lips and I will crumble,
Every day I wake thinking of him,
Sweet dreams of mine are filled with his voice,
No one gets why I am so sad
They never had love like I had,
Loser me lost it so easy,
Out of my hands it went,
Vearing towards a downward *****,
Entering hell that never ends,
Maybe if I died this pain would end,
Every day my mind thinks,
And we have only been apart a week.
Never will I be okay with it,
Yet I find peace knowing he's happy,
More often I cry alone,
One tear follows another,
Running away from reality seems nice,
Every daydream he's there and loves me again.

Fourth cigarette in
And you still can’t burn away the haunting memories.
Drowning in five dollar drinks
His caring words burn my throat as the alcohol sinks deep.
Miles forbid our souls to meet
So my heart weeps rivers of unforgettable kisses.
I drunkenly call to see if he’s alright
But my feelings take over and intoxicate my self-control.