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np Nov 2020
I am

tired of not being respected,
tired of being taken advantage of,
tired of being told what to do,
tired of being accused,
tired of always being wrong,
tired of silent conversations for hours on end,
tired of wondering why i’m not good enough,
tired of apologizing for things that aren’t my fault,
tired of your twisting of words,
tired of your apathy,
tired of your ruthless blunt comments,
tired of missing your hot touch on my bare skin,
tired of wishing you cared,
tired of trying so hard for someone who doesn’t give a **** in return,
tired of analyzing my every move for your “peace of mind”,
tired of jumping through hoops to impress you only to realize you arent at the show,
tired of being on the brink of saying goodbye only for you to win me right back with one of your dazzling smiles and gentle hugs,
tired of being spoken down to,
tired of feeling small,
tired of hiding parts of me that are too loud for you,
tired of frowning when i could be smiling,
tired of sobbing when could be laughing,
tired of hating myself when i could be loving myself.
i’m so **** tired.
i’m so ******* tired.

tired of being tired.
#tired #yawn #breakup #relationships #love #hate #trust #loving
np Feb 2020
our relationship took a quick turn for the worst
the corner was too sharp, we overcorrected-
crash
barely surviving, holding on by a thread.
mom says we'll be okay, fighting is just what sisters do...
and I believed her
the first couple dozen times that is,
until it started to become repetitive and meaningless.

a fight about taking each others clothes,
"it's just what sisters do".

an argument about me being too sensitive and taking everything too personally,
"it's just what sisters do"

a screaming match about our lives and how vastly different they are,

how distanced

we are,

how there will always be a divide,
(you blame this on age)

but 10 years between us
shouldn't hurt

this much.

now I expect the endless bashing of my sensitivity and my emotionally driven mind

I don't bat an eye at the jealousy ridden remarks thrown in my face,

and though I can't count on you,

I can surely count on you putting me down

and holding me there until it hurts

and I let you,

because

that's just what sisters do...

right?
Sad because I have a **** relationship with my sister. I wish it could be different.
our relationship flourished for a while as we both grew into adulthood, but she lets jealousy and lack of confidence get between us. This isn't what sisters should do.
np Sep 2019
I did it
I regret it
I owned up to it
I apologized for it
and apologized for it
Apologized for it again
What more do you want from me?
What more do you need from me?
What else is there to say?
What else is there to do?
What else can I do?
I won’t apologize
I owned up to it
Regret nothing
I did it.
Done.
np Sep 2019
i want you
but i can’t have you
because if i have you
i hurt her
np Sep 2019
we’re on the side of the cliff right now
you and i
one of us is about to jump and create a forever distance between us
i used to think you would be the one leaving me on the edge of the cliff at the end
but the constant drama, bad talking and hurt that you’ve intentionally caused has not just guided me over the edge
but pushed me over the edge
I fought so hard for you
I wanted to fix things with you
But my arms are getting tired
My fingers are starting to ache
I can’t hang around for much longer
I’m exhausted
I’m ready to let go
I’m letting go.
np May 2019
i blow the smoke out

along with my worries for the night

i feel my eyes get heavy

i feel my body getting light

see my veins protruding under my skin

hear my heart pounding aggressively within

my stomach yearns for hot food

the music puts me in a good mood

i feel a roller coaster in my head

before i know it I'm in bed
np May 2019
"im not okay with it"
you tell me
and i feel my heart
sink a little.
the feelings i've built for him
creep away a little.
my foggy head
tries to clear a little.
how is it that your words
make me feel so little?
one of those cases where the cliche "the heart wants what the heart wants" hits far too close to home
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