Sometimes I wake up
During disturbing dreams
Bathed in my own sweat
Realty is not what it seems
It's a unfathomable
Paradox
And the key
To my subconscious Pandora's box
Is lost in my waking reality
From which cannot open.

In distance
He caressed her face
Sang her lullabies
That rocked her to sleep
he smiled so brightly
you would’ve thought
it was her all this time
soon
he would come home
disguising his love for her
as his hatred for me

It makes me look weak,            
                        My tears leaks…      
                My eyes are sore          
        My heart is a bore          
  and My body repeats a painful encore.              

                  I dust away the sad memories,                                        
but it comes along like it’s my adversaries.                  

I hate sadness
It shakes my reality, a piercing faithfulness
                towards my soulful unhappiness.

I don’t need help,
    but in truth I am lying to myself.

You’ll never know, what comes and goes
    yet I am stuck between my toes.

I hunger for that light
    but all that comes is my arresting night.

Perhaps I am doom with my own gloominess.
Starvation and Weariness
                  is a consolation of my messiness
~ a choice with laziness,
         to ponder and wonder
                    to the world’s unending sadness.



*© Pax  September, 2013

How do I explain the excruciating pain-
A layer which bleeds around my heart
A globe wrapped around my thoughts
Digging deeper with each new scar

How do I open your mortal eyes toward-
The invisible weight of a million scenes
Seeping from my flesh, wavering me
Holding me down, at times, enslaving me

How can I succinctly explain -
The moment I was disfigured and tied
Pulling my strings away from me
A puppet to the darkest of nights

How can I show you the things-
Which follow me like footprints
Like air, breathing never leaving
How can I explain,
What my mind is always screaming.