why couldn't you have just stayed my crush

i gave you my everything, you were my everything
how am i supposed to get over you now
when i have nothing
and no one
and nowhere to go

I'm listening to music
Trying my hardest not to lose it
I see your face
Unsure of whether to smile or cry
Though it's just a photo, or a couple
I don't wanna lie.

You weren't even mine,
Of course I feel out of line,
Even just one text from you
Makes me want to fall apart,
Doesn't matter what it is
You hurt my heart.

We were almost meant to be,
For three months, oh my god was I filled with glee!
But recently, it's all turned over.
So many disputes,
Arguments and less honest truths,
What happened to our original roots?

I really didn't want to have to write a poem about you,
But I didn't know what else to do.
We tried talking it out,
Nothing worked.
My apologies, yours too.
Yet your eyes continued to lurk.

I don't know what to do about us,
There were so many ideas discussed.
We always ask each other if we're okay,
If we weren't we'd say no and if we were we'd say "I think"
Yet sometimes I feel like
You'd get rid of me in a blink.

Born without siblings,
I live by myself,
On top of these buildings,
I could prove to myself.

If I trip beneath my own feet,
Maybe it'll spread a message,
Instead of a life so sweet,
My feelings are of wreckage.

Lonely I feel,
So lonely I'd be,
If I could just stay and heal,
And visualize the future they see.

Sure, it’s been months
And I know you won’t be back
But I can’t help but say,
I’ll still wait for you.

Why did I convince myself that you love me the same way I love you?
Back at square one, I kneel on the floor and curl up into a ball of tears.
Why did you tell me you love me, you want to be with me, you want me?
Why did you reject me, why did you hurt me and encourage my fears?

How are you going to tell me you don’t know if I’ll still be into you in a month when I waited nine months for your phone call?
How is it I allowed you to come back into my life and replace all my progress with illogical fantasies that will never, ever occur?
How is it I still blame myself for your confusion, that I will still give you all of my love? ALL of it.

For all the tears I've shed because of you,
For all the nights my thoughts were spiraling because of you,
For all the months I've wasted on you,
For everything, after everything, for you.

I always knew that you weren't the one for me.
But the way you stared at me,
Cared for me,
Fooled me.

My heart- it was yours and yours only.
My soul, lonely.
You kept me waiting closely,
Reminiscing remotely.

You were my sunshine. Always there to wipe away my tears.
Your kindness blinds, erased all my fears.
Without your warm signs, I realized you wasted my years.

To you, I must've been only a vulnerable creature dying.
To you, I must've been an innocent friend crying.
To you, it must've felt like you weren't lying,

With the way you stared at me,
Cared for me,
Fooled me.

i wish i could stop messing up.
i wish i could start being enough.

All you had to do was pretend to care for me and you couldn't even do that.

they said, "it always gets better."
but
he was
my
"better"

I'm not crying because of him, I'm crying because I'm not good enough for him.

Of course you did it!
Why didn't I believe it sooner?
You treated me like ****,
Do you treat her that way too? Or do you spoon her?
You better be feelin' that remorse,
It'll come your path,
But if it doesn't fit your course,
You know you'll feel the wrath.

i don't know why im writing about you,
you have no significance in my life,
only that i fantasized about you,
and how i'd the best wife.

we've only seen each other around,
never knew a single thing,
one conversation made you frown,
now it sounds like i cling.

i never would have texted you in the first place,
i was only jealous of a friend,
i was trying to show you who i am, who i want to embrace
instead i showed you a friendship to end.

I feel okay,
I feel good
And upside down
And right side up
I feel nice
And cool
And fine and like a jewel!

Maybe everything does happen for a reason
A reason that we can’t wait to know
Yeah, sometimes everything blows
And maybe you think you can’t live without a person
Even though your life with them probably worsened

But,
Look how good it is now!
Ok, yeah, so you might have a slight cough,
But you feel fine and like everything is alright.

And you try your best to be distracted
And not to think about the bad stuff
And you love and laugh
But a little more cautiously this time
And, okay, well I guess you don’t open up as easily anymore
Or say much about yourself to anyone, anymore
Or do anything with your friends, anymore
But that doesn’t stop you from smiling and shining
And it certainly won’t stop you from styling and dining
Or dialing and defining!

But right now I feel okay,
I feel fine and not in despair and I don’t want to cry
I’m not going to cry over someone that I treated right
That didn’t want what I had to offer
Because I deserve more
Than to just crawl to my floor
To lay like a corpse.

I feel okay,
I feel good
And upside down
And right side up
I feel nice
And cool
And fine and like a jewel!

It was only four months
but it felt like forever
and i'd miss you so much
but my heart was already severed
though i knew i had to move on
i never wanted to end it with you, never

It was only four months
and we saw each other about 9 times throughout that span
you stole my heart like kidnapping a child with candy and a van
i knew you and i had some sort of plan
but with the time i'd gone without you i couldnt stand

It was only four months
but i couldn't do it anymore
you made me bored
taking care of you felt like a chore
you never gave but you always wanted more
But you told me you love me like the ocean loves the shore
And to me you swore
you would never intentionally make me sob on the floor
my eyes are so sore
with my tears continuing to pour
and my heart that you tore
am i just a score
to you?

As a society, we're all so scared of dying
My own body cannot survive when theories begin applying
But the concept of death
Shows one's last breath
Six feet under
Makes me wonder,
What is so frightening?
The situation only becomes more heightening,
The unwanted feeling of leaving,
Causes someone to start grieving.
Five stages too long
I definitely am not that strong,
Will I ever get through it?
Through all this ****?
Before I commence a dying fit?
Maybe, maybe not
For now, my soul will rot
Until I receive a solution
And die from attribution.

It's not that I want to **** myself,
Because I don't,
I really don't
I don't want to **** myself,
And I won't.
It's just that I don't care anymore.
And it sounds bad now but you'll surely understand why,
It's not a must -- that I don't care anymore
but all I do is cry
I am so, so tired.
And the thoughts in my brain are all so together planned and wired.
I don't know how to keep up
I want to keep up
I don't know what I want, honestly I don't
But I promise you that I'm trying so please believe me as my feelings pile up,
As I believe I'm such a ***** up,
As I believe I should just shut up,
As I believe I should stop complaining and grow up.

Her eyes lit up like the fireflies that dance.
She has me yearning to beg another chance.
Her wild body moving side to side,
She leaves me in a silent stance.

Her arms so still, she wants another flight,
She wants to stay, just for one more night,
Her hair flows, like the whooshing wind runs,
She wouldn't dare to resign without causing a fight.

Her skin so soft like lavender oil,
My heart pumps and pumps, so much it boils,
Without her, who knows where I stand,
Only her personality is the one I would spoil.

I don't want to be dramatic
But my feelings are static.
No one could compete to what we once had,
So where did I go wrong, where did we go bad?
Maybe it's better we don't talk for the time being,
I'm not proving anything, guaranteeing..
I'm just seeing,
You disagreeing,
Maybe we'll both feel free after.
Maybe I'll finally be able to obtain laughter,
Or smiles,
And try new styles.
As much as it pains me to see you hurt,
For what's it worth,
I'd go miles,
For you.

i tried to apologize
yet you had no care in your eyes,
i wished you took me more seriously,
than not at all.

I needed to know that you were there for me, and you weren't.

How could someone so pretty turn out to be so ugly?

Drip drop
Drip drop
The sound of an empty cloud top
The air is anything but loud
Although it speaks so proud
The wind recites particles
Full of several articles
Spelling out its love for the sky

Bright red
Comfortable bed
The green faced mice said,
“We’re here for you. Don’t dread.”

Open eyes
You won’t die
You’re alright
They said,
“Don’t fright.”

Wide awake
“We won’t take.
We don’t break.
Can’t be fake.”
This is not a mistake

Eyes shut
They strut
In my head
The green faced mice said,
“We’re here for you. Don’t dread.”

you asked me what was wrong, as if you knew something had happened
you questioned if it was something you said, or did
you knew it was your fault
you apologized
i said nothing.

just think of us going up
up up and away
as far as your thoughts can bring you
astonishing, just the thought of your eyes
and im on top of the sky
the stars on a breezy night
and you leaving, scares me with a fright
now it's actually happened
no reason whatsoever
my god, you were my treasure
now i'm unsure of what to do now
now that you're no longer here now
and im crying everyday now
without you beside my side now
and i cant stop thinking about you
and i really just don't know what to do
without you

maybe it's about time to start growing up
i didn't want feelings for you in the first place,
i knew it was never going to happen,
i don't even know you,
and now i never will

I want to stop writing about you
And start writing about somebody new.

i tried for a new start
with a new person
who now wants nothing to do with me

i dont know what ive done
but i know i havent won
away is where i want to run
maybe then i can actually feel something, something fun.
maybe ill be happy seeing the sun
but my thoughts have already spun
to my head should i place a gun?

i stepped on glass
i stepped on glass,
tip toe to my next class.

heel aching,
heart broke
grunge old paper fold.

ink set out,
clearly the pioneer
best steer clear.

long, long far ago
the princess kissed a toad
diseases unload.

headline of the last page
the
      n
        d
dark like the black sage.

Loneliness comes in two forms,
Alone or together.
Feeling warm,
Or "under the weather".
How long have you been feeling under the weather?
Days, maybe weeks?
How long have you been wearing the knitted sweater?
The green one your grandma knits, the one as light as feather.
What is it that she seeks?
And you too, what are you looking for?
The reaction of daylight savings reducing one more hour of sleep?Evidence that global warming exists?
Why do you weep?
Show your wrists.