I drapped his shirt over my bare skin
hoping it felt like home,
just like yours did when i put it on.
But it didn't quite hug my skin
the right way
and the smell didn't take me to
the sky like yours did.
And every time i left
his place all i could think about
was you and where you were.
I wondered if you were with her
and i knew that was selfish considering
i was leaving another's house.
I knew he didn't care about me
half as much as you cared
about those you loved.
And i knew you probably cared about
her.
And he didn't tell me to text
him when i got home safe,
like you would.
And i counted the cigarette burns
on his skin and wondered
if the burns you left on my soul
showed through my eyes
my laugh
and my voice
cause god only knows
you nearly burned
every part of me.

I wrote you a note at 5 am,
you read it,
with no reply.
Before you left you asked for a picture of the two of us.
I made a joke and we laughed through the pictures.
But all that I could think about was
how it felt to have your arm around me.
It was holding me,
as I held you.
I wish I could go back to that moment,
but it's gone.

When we said our goodbyes,
it hurt so much.
I wanted to tell you so many things,
but time was running out.
I hugged you so many times,
you thought it was strange.

As soon as you walked away,
my heart felt empty;
I missed your presence already.
We touched hands as you drove away
in that big green van.
I ran after you,
as did other friends.
But you were gone.

I can still see your eyes gazing into mine,
and your oh so sweet smile;
but you're gone.
Nowhere to be seen.

it's dark outside your house tonight.
so i'm daydreaming in my sleep again,
of conversations i keep trying to rewrite.
i'm trying not to let myself stay too sane,
and i've never been too easy to excite,
but sometimes i dip my fingers into the lunacy,
and become a flowerlike, lucid daydream.
allowing me to dance with you, in the moonlight.