“You are my
greatest what if,”
she whispered

But **** it,
what if was never enough
to make her stay

What if was never enough
to make things right

What if was never enough
to make things work

What if was never enough
to keep her from letting go.

What if will never be enough

a. gale

I looked into her eyes

the deep electric blue.

She gave me her brightest smile.

She was my muse.

Her light brown hair

was flowing back.

She looked to the sky

which was pitch black.

She pointed to a constellation

and nudged me.

Our love was not infatuation.

It had to last for eternity.

Every time we hugged

she'd whisper my name.

seeing her in her mirth

was my happy place.

We were eccentric

in our own way.

She made me nostalgic

I couldn't let her go way.

Her laughter still echoes in my ears.

She made me face my biggest fear.

I looked into her eyes

the deep electric blue.

They were lifeless.

She had stayed past her curfew.

Her light brown hair

was soaked in her own blood.

I held her hand and silently weeped

nothing could break me

yet I felt incomplete.

I hugged her for the last time

her parched lips didn't say my name

somewhere down the line

I was to be blamed.

Perhaps I cried before I wrote this
Perhaps the tears are fresh upon
My face, flushed with tragedy
This pain is unreal

I have seen
My closest friend
Bring a hand up
Right before my eyes
And swallow her demise
In the form of pills
And yes, I cried

I remember the car crash
That left me unscathed
While four other bodies
Smoldered in wreckage
And I cried

I tumbled through six months
Institutionalized on suicide watch
And my only friend disappeared
And I cried every day

I watched a little boy
Jump from a shoal near the riverbank
And miss his step
He was underwater for fifty six minutes
His name was Elijah
And I cried for him

I heard the gunshot
That took the life of my cousin
And downstairs
Was a horror scene
And I cried

But this...
...this pain
The knee-buckling strike
Of losing the only calm
Ever to see this storm
Leaves me screaming
Head pounding
Eyes closed
And where warmth
Used to lay next to me
Lies but a cold shadow of a memory
One that mocks me for my mistakes

Perhaps I cried while I wrote this
Perhaps



I find myself whispering in the dark:





*I don't want to sleep alone anymore...