With us
It was always a competition
I needed to win
Well, I got what I wanted
And I'm still unhappy
I win

I miss the way you
Would hold me in your arms and
Press your lips on mine

I've known
Between the flirting
And the subtle touches
Neither of us speak about
And the prolonged eye contact
That there was something
Something big
Right in front of us
But I never knew
How your name could make me feel
Remembering your touch
Could make my senses tingle
Thinking of you
Sends feelings through me
That I've never felt before
And selfishly
All I want to do
Is drive to your house
And tell you to kiss me
Let you push me up against the wall
And melt into your touch
But I can't
I can't offer you
Anything
Not
A thing
Not a relationship
Or a shared belief
Not myself
So I guess
I'll think of you
One last time
And wonder
What could have been
Before I forget
The way we feel

Chubby cheeks
Curly hair
Toothless mouth
Erratic laughs
Excited faces
Bright smiles
Little clothes
Funny actions

Can I keep you forever, my foster child?
I don't want you to leave.
Every time I see you, you
Brighten
My
Day.

He holds me in His gentle hands
And shows His love where'ere He can
He gives me strength when I am weak
And provides words where I can't speak
I need my Father close to me
I know He's there when I can't see
He holds me with His Father heart
I know He will never depart

How is it that we can be so gentle
And protective of others
While being so harsh
And violent with ourselves?

You told me you would never hurt me
That your soul was bound to me
Well I think
I think
We all hurt each other
We just bind the wounds too tightly.

I lost someone that day
In the hail and lightning
And the chaos
A piece of me chipped away with
Every
          Drop
                     Of
                              Rain
That hit my skin
And I don't know who I am anymore

Though winds may blow
And seas could rage
Our Lord and Father
Stays the same

Today was good.
I think they all missed me.
Or maybe they just missed the chores I did...
I don't know.
All I know is that it won't last.
It won't last.

If you knew
You were dying today
Before your head hit your pillow
Would you fear the other side?

The only think I look forward too anymore
Is the dark abyss of sleep

Even the best of dreams are nightmares
For we must awaken sometime

As long as I live
I will never understand
How murdering babies
Became justified.

She's beautiful
She's old enough to be taken seriously
And young enough to have new ideas.
She is happily married.
She has a wonderful husband
And everything one could ask for.

I am not so beautiful
Old enough to be held responsible
Young enough to be ridiculed
I have never been in a relationship
I have no significant other
I am lacking in so many ways.

I sin
Every day.
I am broken
All over
And I can't
Seem to fix it.

I feel like they almost
Don't even need me anymore
I just wish
Wish that I could
Be as perfect as her.

Maybe I'll leave.
Maybe I'll never come back.
Maybe no one will notice.

Oh ancient beautiful soul
Made of lavender and sunsets
You are nothing less than Majesty

Mondays are hard.
He only wants me for my body-
For the way I was made
But he also wants me
To perform
For him.
I can never understand
What he wants from me.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Tuesdays are light.
He looks at me like I am the only thing
In the world
The only person.
He holds me tight
And tells me he loves me
Without hurting me.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Wednesdays are long.
He has had a
Long day
Of work
And dealing with his boss.
He will let me hold him
And rock him to sleep,
Brushing my cold fingers across his sweaty back
While he falls into a slumber

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Thursdays he is happy.
He gets to see his
Delinquent mother
And visits his
Abusive father in jail
Only to spit in his face every time
And tell him he hates him.
I don't get it.
My faith wanes more every day.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Fridays are better.
He doesn't think about
Anything but me
We go out together
Holding hands
In dark
Theater
Seats
While we share popcorn
And memories.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Saturdays are terrible.
He drinks
And
Drinks
And
Drinks
Until he's not the same
Person he was
On Friday.
I don't get it.
Why can't he just love me?
He hurts me
And beats me
Bruises
Everywhere.
Hidden, but there.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Sundays are amazing...and awful.
He is gone.
I can bask in the back row of the church
Singing with my fellow Christians,
Praying with them
Not thinking about him
Loving my God
But at the same time
I know
That in a few hours,
I will have to go back to him.
To his anger
His rage.
And tomorrow,
It will all start again.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.
I love him but I hate him.

Brow and nose
Mind and breath
Moon and tide
Life and death
Cause and be
Unity
One with me
My darling

Dearest darling,
Hold tight to that dear heart-flutter
Which we call hope.
For the feathers on which it flies,
And the feet on which it lands
Are those of sweet peace like a river.

It took me a long time,
But it was in the calm of the morning
With the sun shining through my window
On a warm summer day
That made me realize
Maybe I'm okay with being alive
And for the first time in many years
Maybe I want to be

How can I love you
And hate you
At the same time?