I only wish my first love would have been myself

I don’t care how
or care what you do
to make it happen;
I just told you
make me shine
so slather me in turpentine.

I want the sun to shrink
and the world turn dark,
when she’ll no longer rise
after she rests her eyes
upon my fiery spark.

I want the moon to swoon
and raise the tides
when he looks for the sun,
but instead
it’s my beauty that he finds.

I want the stars to bow down
and shower me in gold
when I shine brighter
and reach higher
than the stars of old.

I want storms to make
the world stir
when I walk upon
their earth,
no matter what it’ll take.

I don’t care
if it kills me;
just answer my plea.
I just want, so badly,
to shine,
so slather me in turpentine.

We are living wonders.
Our bodies, our minds, our souls,
unfathomably intricate beyond all knowing.
The true essence our being,
a microcosm of unlimited possibility.

Living in wonder.
Behold the marvels of this vast universe.
Consumed by the mysterious unknown,
desperately we seek to understand it,
eagerly trying to grasp all that is.

Wondering why we live.
What purpose is there for our existence.
Many say this. Others say that.
All answers become more questions.
Forever we wonder.

We are living wonders,
Living in wonder,
Wondering why we live.

my mind is on repeat my mind lingers on the though of you every second of the day. from the curve of your lips that arise when you silently hurt me to the day you crushed everything i loved, my mind is on repeat.

my mind is on repeat. a move-like trance appearing on every corner of my brain. the memories remind me with its colourful details and unhappy endings that we were once lively. we were the definition of wild, untamed laughter in the early sunrise hours until the night swallowed us whole. i tried to pull down the stars and the moon like they were carnival balloons just to impress you. i miss the way i impressed you.
when i'm alone in my bed i search the corners and pillows for a comforting word of two you may have led behind when you decided to leave.

my mind is on repeat. i think about the day my heartbeat with align back up with yours. between bottle after bottle that i drown myself in i look for a concept of you; the charming smile, the dependent tear, the shifted gaze. i look to remember and remember so i don't forget, but by the time i'll see you i will not smile at our memories anymore. instead, they will float away like happy little clouds, and for the first time i will get a solid nights sleep without dreaming that you somehow still care. somehow, i learn in these dreams that i still care.

my mind is on repeat. i hope someday i will be better. i am drenched in golden sunlight and happiness until i think of you. your presence is a clenched fist around my already gaping neck and you resist to aim for the ****. your words shot like daggers and my shaky hands were no math. your resonating irritation makes it hard to breathe in the stillness of the night and for a second i could feel my heart skip a beat.

my mind is on repeat. i don't beg for answers, i don't allow my mind to fade away on those thoughts. i look forward and take big, long strides- i hold dear what was taught to me. i feel a tear well up in my eye, as my foot takes that liberating first step.

-it will always be repeating

conceptcollection

I think about it
I think about it
I think about it
Sitting here with you
I think about it
I feel shame
I think about it
I feel hate
I think about it
*** has changed
I think about it
Sitting here
With a smoke in my hand
A coffee on my lips
And I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
Too drunk
and I think about it
Not my house
Not my friends
Making out
God I think about it
Studying
Writing
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
I think about it

Your lips
slightly parted;

pure smile
of ancient Greece
seen on endless
broken statues.

Smile of sun
and knowledge.

Smile of Artemis
and Athena.

Smile that smiles
in the endless
moment.

Eternal
feminine
smile of
the mysteries.
  ~mce

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*(M­arolle)

I do not smoke because I am addicted, as the smoke begins to make me choke
I began smoking because the smoke fills my lungs, allowing me to feel like I'm breathing something besides this sadness, it fills all the empty holes in my soul that you put there.