I keep myself busy
Try to drown myself in things that make me happy
But it's always in the back of my mind
An ache in the chest
A feeling that leaves me hollow
An incurable obsession that has long followed me
It's impossible to forget the soul that kissed my heart
I write about you because I need you to exist in my world somewhere, to remind myself that you were real. That we were real.
I never understood the saying "If you love someone, let them go."
It always baffled me.
Why would you want to let someone go if you love them?
That isn't what love is about.
Little did I know, I had no clue what love was about.
But I understand now.
I've loved plenty of people in my life and have let them go.
I still love them but I let go.
It's about wanting to see them happy, even if you're not the one to make them happy anymore.
It's about wanting the best for them in their life even if that doesn't include you.
It's understanding that you will never be apart of their life and accepting it.
It's accepting change.
I'm the type of girl who fights nail and tooth to hold onto people, places, things. Even if it's served it's purpose and isn't beneficial to me anymore.
That's been my hardest journey in life..is letting go.
But I think I finally understand and have come to terms with it.
I still love the people I love, and I always will.
But I finally accept it is best to set them free.
Because I love them.
I think of you when I hear sad songs
When I hear the rain pattering on the roof
In the purple of sunsets
The bottom of my wine glass
In the words of my favorite book
The satin of my favorite blouse
And all of the small things
There is no safer place I know
than tucked in sheets
with my legs intertwined with yours
the feel of your bare skin on mine
and my hand on your heart
It's funny how we struggle to let things go
We hold on as tight as we can
Till our knuckles are white
The fear of the unknown too much to handle
Not knowing what comes next or where life will take us
What life will be like without a person we love, without a routine we've had for years, what makes us, us
We would rather hurt ourselves by holding on than accept the unknown, accept letting go
Laying in bed each night praying the hurt goes away
That you can make it another day
Even though you feel like your whole body is breaking
And that you're so alone
But eventually it gets better
It gets easier to get out of bed, the sun shining through the blinds illuminating the room
And you feel the warmth, the light
You start to heal
You start to find yourself again and what you love
You go to your favorite coffee shops, you enjoy reading new books, going on walks, and exploring new scenery
And everything feels so fresh and brand new
A feeling you haven't felt in a long time
And it's so liberating
To feel free, to feel that in your heart
And to know that it's all going to be okay
I love someone I can't love anymore
And it haunts me to my bones