marïama: Favorites

May 2020 marïama

signals

May 2020 marïama

EG

signals

what is it called when you write
but never want anyone to understand.
am i selfish-
elitist
a fraud.
or am i-
a coward.
the human heart.
is a poem
i am not.
an author.
i am not
the ink.
not the curves.
the rhyme.
do not read into me-
i am simply
alive.

#poem #alive #life #heart #writing

May 2020 marïama

like an idiot

May 2020 marïama

Verdant Quo

like an idiot

like water
I poured myself into her until she was overflowing at the brim

like reinforced steel
I bridged my heart to hers and welded myself to her soul

like the sun
I filled myself with light to cover her darkness

like a blanket
I shielded her from the harsh world underneath the covers

like magnets
I orbited her aura until we inevitably collided

like a seed
I felt myself growing up from her

Then, like an idiot
I could tell she felt nothing.

#water #love #relationships #pain #breakup

Oct 2018 marïama

Worth

Oct 2018 marïama

ryn

Worth

What's my worth?
Am I worth a second glance?
Till present, from birth
Am I deserving of chance?

What's my value?
Am I worth time spent?
What did I do?
Did I squander the life lent?

What are my virtues?
Do they even shine through?
Do I put them to good use?
Or useless like a pair less shoe?

What defines me?
Is it the words that write?
Or work I do diligently?
Could it be my punches in a fight?

What have I done?
Take your time to think
Did I do it with a loaded gun?
Must've done something; must've missed the link

What am I good for?
Important work or menial labour
Could have I done more?
Achieved alone or together

Do I think differently?
Indulge in fairytale notions
Is it sheer folly?
To believe in magic potions

Am I just silly?
Do I dream too much?
Accept reality
Am I capable of such?

Do I shirk what I carry?
Should I have said no?
Did I delay and tarry?
Have I nothing to show?

Am I wrong to feel?
Is it foolish to want?
When it all is real
Now bearing the brunt

Do I wear you weary?
With my endless stupor
Why can't I bury?
Before we expire

Why do I wallow?
Wading through eye puddles
Should I just burrow?
Deep into these riddles

Why do I falter?
Why can't I heal and rise?
Why do I break and shatter?
How do I stop my eyes?

What is this dense forest?
Must everything be obscure?
Can I not be honest?
Can I not be insecure?

Could I be any more random?
Asking as they come to mind
Have I compromised my decorum?
Have I been blind?

Should I delve even deeper?
May I go on and ask?
Am I worthy of an answer?
Or should I just don my mask?

Gargantuan was my crime
Thick was its girth
Absolution this time?
Of it am I worth?

#life #darkness #questions #despair #value #answers #morose #sombre

Oct 2018 marïama

Do you know why?

Oct 2018 marïama

Bumble Zee

Do you know why?

My eyes are swollen
My throat dry
Yes, I’ve been crying
But do you know why?

I feel like I’m falling
I just want to fly
Yes, I’m confused
But do you know why?

I’m hurting on the inside
Smiles on the outside
Yes, I’m in pain
But do you know why?

Blood dripping down
Whilst I’m high
Yes, I’m self harming
But do you know why?

End all my suffering
Here I lie
Yes, I’m 6 feet under
But do you know why?

Oct 2018 marïama

Depression Is...

Oct 2018 marïama

Chloe

Depression Is...

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

DISCLAIMER: This is only from my personal point of view and how my battle with depression has been. Even though I am trying to recover, the battle gets very difficult for me sometimes and I have to remind myself that I am not my mental illness. My mental illness does not define me.

#depression #mental #illness #bipolar #bpd #recovery #struggles

Oct 2018 marïama

Red

Oct 2018 marïama

Mitchell

Red

I feel... Anger
Unbridled rage, undying fury, like a wildfire through Rome
I bring hell to those who have wronged me, sorrow to those who haven't, and death to all who oppose me
Yet, I also feel love
And pain
And excitement
But it always comes back to anger
Those I love leave, those who love me die, and all I love must end
The pain is always inflicted, rarely tolerable.... And rage always follows
Excited for a new adventure, a new romance, a new friend, a new experience
Yet it was all a lie
The adventure led to pain, the partner a liar, the friend a foe, the experience flawed
So all I have is anger

(Prose) This was a prompt on a very lovely website called Write The World. I thought I should post it here as well.

#colourtheory #red #anger

Oct 2018 marïama

Tell Me Love

Oct 2018 marïama

YoYoWrites

Tell Me Love

Tell me, love, was she good in bed?
When you would tell her you loved her did you mean it?
Cause now I'm standing here looking stupid believing you loved me.
Did you **** her for hours endlessly in hopes you’d forget about all your other mistakes?
Tell me, love,
Did you think of me when she would scratch your back and bite your neck in hopes I wouldn’t notice?
Tell me, love, did you pick up the mess after you were done or did you wait for your girlfriend to wash the sheets because “Our puppy peed on the bed cause he isn't trained”?
Was she the one begging for more or were you the one asking her to stay?
And clearly, it wasn’t a one time mistake like you said when I walked into the room while you were on top of her.
I would have hoped you would change which is why I stayed in the first place. But **** I should have listened to my brother when he said all you cared about was ***.

#relationship #cheating #cheated #love #hate #breakup #heartbreak #cheater #sad #depressed

Oct 2018 marïama

goodbye

Oct 2018 marïama

Celestite

goodbye

i love you so dearly
but you are dying me blue
from the tips of my toes
to the tears you make me cry
i know you’re too clueless to understand the emotions of a hopeless romantic like me
but i hope you can understand one day
that i am doing this because i love you too much.
for so long i never understood why people left the ones they loved
“Why do such a silly thing to yourself?” I would ask the stars accompanying venus
but now i understand that the silly thing would be to stay
because as much as i love you
i need to love me too.
so for now i’ll sail my ship far away
and maybe one day you’ll grow up as i did
and love me as a love you.
and it pains me to say this
this pain is like no other
i would rather take a bullet straight through my head
but we all have to make sacrifices
and so now i will take a bullet straight through my heart
goodbye.
~ you know who you are. i love you too much to stay. i hope you can forgive me but for now let me forgive myself.~

#heartbreak #sad #sadness #cry #tears #love #iloveyou #crying #goodbye

Oct 2018 marïama

His "I Love You"

Oct 2018 marïama

Aisha Ella

His "I Love You"

His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.