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  Oct 2018 marïama
ryn
What's my worth?
Am I worth a second glance?
Till present, from birth
Am I deserving of chance?

What's my value?
Am I worth time spent?
What did I do?
Did I squander the life lent?

What are my virtues?
Do they even shine through?
Do I put them to good use?
Or useless like a pair less shoe?

What defines me?
Is it the words that write?
Or work I do diligently?
Could it be my punches in a fight?

What have I done?
Take your time to think
Did I do it with a loaded gun?
Must've done something; must've missed the link

What am I good for?
Important work or menial labour
Could have I done more?
Achieved alone or together

Do I think differently?
Indulge in fairytale notions
Is it sheer folly?
To believe in magic potions

Am I just silly?
Do I dream too much?
Accept reality
Am I capable of such?

Do I shirk what I carry?
Should I have said no?
Did I delay and tarry?
Have I nothing to show?

Am I wrong to feel?
Is it foolish to want?
When it all is real
Now bearing the brunt

Do I wear you weary?
With my endless stupor
Why can't I bury?
Before we expire

Why do I wallow?
Wading through eye puddles
Should I just burrow?
Deep into these riddles

Why do I falter?
Why can't I heal and rise?
Why do I break and shatter?
How do I stop my eyes?

What is this dense forest?
Must everything be obscure?
Can I not be honest?
Can I not be insecure?

Could I be any more random?
Asking as they come to mind
Have I compromised my decorum?
Have I been blind?

Should I delve even deeper?
May I go on and ask?
Am I worthy of an answer?
Or should I just don my mask?

Gargantuan was my crime
Thick was its girth
Absolution this time?
Of it am I worth?
  Oct 2018 marïama
Gabrielle Isa
His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison
That seeped deep into my bones
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.
marïama Jul 2018
I vainly sought in him a cure to the same pain he caused.
we would raise our arguments like sitting ducks just to to knock them down with reasons of logic or luck of love
Some things cannot be undone, people say we are meant for each other, but is it truly so
Maybe just a comfortable phase but will anything grow?
He whispered that there was only me, I believed all that he breathed in my ear, he pulled me in close, closer than anyone before..
I think I hate him now, a bit more every day but I've not given up yet- I want him to stay.
I wonder.. how do you fight jealously
How do you make it stop it’s constant hunger inside you.
Skin so soft that it doesn't seem real, in so deep I can’t keep it concealed, he Is all that i want and all that I need.
but
The doubt is consuming, the wall inside me was well-built and unyielding, my heart left too crippled from past abusers to possibly endure anymore pain
So if this love fails it will destroy everything in its wake.
I feign disinterest, pretend as if he doesn’t
engross my thoughts, as if my heart doesn’t encroach upon my stomach when he enters the room.
I become enraged from time to time when the little green bug called jealously feeds away inside of me
Love has taken control, the knowledge that i let “love” dismantle the wall,
that i spent years building and reinforcing
brick by ******* brick, piece by ******* piece
i let him gradually demolish it and now i am powerless and susceptible and now he has me by the heartstrings and he holds me in his greedy palms.
I even pray to God, the one i'm not even sure i believe in, I tell him that i would do anything,
anything just to take back control.
I can’t imagine how he could ever love a girl like me that looks upon his past with such jealousy but you wouldn't imagine
how one look in his eyes has me gravitating towards him and blindly forgiving the times when he was
with her.
Let’s end the getting-back-at-you-then-getting-back-together-with-you cycle.
Raw hope consumes me between the throbbing headache and dry tears stains after a night of crying
marïama Jul 2018
How can I ever I forget the kisses, our lips raw with love
How you gave me everything you had
and how I offered you all of what was left of me
This love is
so violent, so fragile, so tender, so hopeless
but so true.
so sure of itself like a mad man standing in the midst of a storm waiting for lighting to strike the earth before him
This love is
what makes them whispers tales of what they think they know, makes them intently watch because our love demands attention.
This love is
something that cannot be undone.
This love was
capable of carrying life, a seedling hidden within.. sent skyward towards the sun of better things.
Trying to describe this love I’ve experienced
Although I may try to write about it
I am rendered helpless;
my pen breaks and the paper slips away
at the ineffable place
where our hearts meet.
marïama Nov 2016
You give and give until they pull everything out of you and leave you empty
marïama Sep 2016
In this battle for the freedom of our souls some may think
Maybe I should've let go long ago
From being kings and queens, Chiefs and Pharaohs
To ******* in the cotton fields
To slaves being whipped and forgotten
We were stolen.
Stripped from our homes and looted of our gold.
Fast forward
Now we are doctors, lawyers, professors
But Don't tell me the cotton fields have recovered from our tears
Our sweat seeps deep into the souls of America
So Don't tell me the cotton fields have recovered from our blood.
Fast forward
"All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law."
They tell us equality is coming.
That it is here.
Then let you wait holding your breath
Suffocating.
Black boy shot and killed for walking down the street
Black boy whipped and beaten for looking master in the eye
Tell me are you still holding your breath?
Still suffocating
Still waiting for the keys to our chains
Fast forward
Black lives matter
All roads torn down, we've paved new paths  
Stripped from our houses so we built homes
Lotted for our gold but we are golden
Black is hard to get rid of, that annoying stain that stays to long
Black is rough and tough
Black is solid in luring ways
But
Black lives won't matter until we love our own people
Black lives won't. matter. to. them. because you've called that girl a "*** or Thot"
Black lives won't matter until we stop the black on black blood splatter
For black lives to matter...
We must empower each other
Standing together the ground will break recognizing he whose tears, sweat and blood upon which it was built
So take one look at our past
Because this will be the last
marïama Oct 2015
him
To say I am thankful is an understatement
For another day he's on this earth
But let it not be secluded
To only a single day every year
Every day he has on this earth is one I am thankful for.
I'm glad I have him
My someone special
Who I can go to anytime
I'm glad I have a soul mate
Who I can trust every time
First, let me thank God above
For giving me the man that I love,
Forgive me God, ungrateful as I often am and thank you again for giving someone that's impossible for me to ever repay.
I love, and when I do love it knows no bounds
but because I know my words are as boundless as my love, I will have to cut this short..
I promise to make him happy
With my speechless crazy attitude
I promise to love him more than someone else could
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