It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.

My hands reek of cigarettes
And my lips are dry
But I'd quit if you asked me to

So why don't you
You let me slowly **** myself
**** whatever we have
With fights about nonsense

"Could you stop please"
"Why don't you come home"
"It's been two weeks"
"The house reeks"

My minds a blur
And im clouded by smoke
In hopes it'll blow away and
There you'll be

Forgiving me for my sins
But that's not where it begins
I know it's within
And I just can't find it in me to stop

**But I would if you asked me to

when i smoked for the first time
she was there
she let me try it
and lit the cigarette

it was too late
the humid small room got smoky
the taste wasn’t bad
or i just didn’t know how to taste it

smoking is bad for your health
the tiny box says “i’m killing you”
she will be the one who ruins my life
and now i start to get used to it

when i bought it for the first time
she wasn’t there
but she let me try it
she made me feel like smoking
from the distance

it is already in my left pocket
the young fresh lungs is getting old
it tastes horrible
now i got how to taste it

smoking is bad for your health
my father says “she’s killing you”
she will be the one who ruins my life
and now i start to get used to it

life is like a chocolate box
and she loves to eat sweet chocolate
that’s why my life has to be bitter
bitter like the cigarette
as bitter as i start to cry