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I've painted with insomnia,
with love, heartache, and worry.
I've brushed strokes with infectious apathy,
or at least what I believed it to be.
But my eyes are out of color now,
scraped blank with shaking hands.
Wilted with dusty jaded cries,
empty paint cans stare, blinking, at the sky,
Wandering, waiting
for anything to ignite the stars again.
I'm up,
Just in case.
I do,
Just in case.
I grind,
Just in case.
I collect,
Just in case.
One day,
Two days,
Three,
Just in case.
I store,
Just in case.
Four days,
Five days,
Six,
Just in case.
In case I'm guiltless.
In case I'm chaste.
I'm collecting mine days,
Just in case.
 May 2017 maledimiele
Ryan Holden
Eating, away at your conscience,
Narrowing your vision,
Altering reality and fairytales,
But easily obtained,
Constant internal battle,
Nothing can make this mind,
As Beautiful as a butterfly.
A poem about insecurities.
 May 2017 maledimiele
Ryan Holden
If I was an eagle,
Soaring through skies,
If I was a cloud,
And my inner self dries.

If I was a giant,
Who never hurt flies,
If I was a demon,
With red, behind my eyes.

If I was Benedict Arnold,
Who always told lies,
Would you still love me,
Despite my disguise?
Just a quick write :)
 Apr 2017 maledimiele
Hayleigh
If i could,
I would,
Carefully take you apart,
And put you back together,
Piece, by fragile piece,
And i would not cease,
Until the job was done.
Until the sun once again, shone from those lost, wondering eyes,
Until the cries that had chained you down,
Had been removed from the ground.

And if i could, i would,
Take my tools
And attentively drill out
Your insecurities,
All those flaws, you believe to be
Impurities
And ***** in self acceptance so tight,
So that never again at night,
Would you be reluctant, to hold yourself,
As you sparkle in the moonlight.

And if i could, i would,
Clamp together,
Your hopes and dreams,
Your self belief,
And tie them together at the seams
With double knots,
So that you never forgot, how
Capable you are.

I'd take each glittering star,
and plant them in the pupils of your eyes,
So that each time you cry
You'd be reminded of the beauty inside,
Of you.

And if i could, i would,
Paint over your frame work,
And tentatively cover up those scars,
So you'd never again see the hurt,
And never doubt
Just how perfectly imperfect you are.

And if i could, i would,
Saw away your sorrows
So when you thought of your tomorrows,
You weren't filled with dread,
You were filled with joy and hope
And optimism instead,
So that before you went to bed,
You were not filled with self defeating thoughts,
Ruminating inside, that pretty little head.

And if i could, i would,
Weld securely into place,
A genuinely happy smile,
Across your dainty face,
And a hand in yours,
So you'd never have to brace
Anything alone.

And if i could, i would,
Disassemble your malfunctioning thought processes
And rewire them back together again,
With a spanner, in the manner,
That meant you were not
Classed as insane.
I'd unfold and rearrange,
The chemical imbalances
Within your brain
So that the years of disdain,
And self blame,
Where a thing of the past,
I'd put you back together,
In a way, that showed you,
You were meant to last.

And if i could, i would,
Attach wings to your spine,
So there'd never be a time,
That you'd stumble and fall
You'd stand tall.

And if i could, i would,
Take the lonely shadows of your heart,
Rip them apart
And blaze them,
In a light so bright
It'd never die out,
You would never again doubt
All that you are,
And all that you can be.
And if i could, i would,
I'd set you free.
A repost for all of you who are suffering, or who know someone suffering from mental illness. Big hugs to you all ***
 Apr 2017 maledimiele
ARI
The words
Be happy
They make me angry
For the words be happy
Do not fix me

The words
Just eat
They irritate me
For the words just eat
Wont make me hungry

-ARI
My scars are footprints
pressed in the smooth sand, fading,
salted by the tears of the ocean,
but persistent against the tide.

My map has been drawn
by leaves in the wind, blowing,
following the path of the broken,
but offering no place to hide.

My heart plays a song
with a slow tempo, beating,
calling to the strong souls still hoping,
but unheard by the ones who died.

Follow the footprints if you trace my skin.
Use my map as a guide if I can't let you in.
Listen to my song if words aren't my friend.
And I will love you,
With all that I have left.
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