One open can of
half empty **** water
popped the night before
for a palm of pills,
codeine and HRT
chased with Kamchatka 8-0
she collapses in bed
with hope in her head,
belly full.

Morning comes, her will is gone, she stumbles blind
to root her elbows at the window sill, still groggy
from the high of nighttime.
Noon comes and the clock stops, it's a road block
setup at the overpass and by the time
transference makes sense she's
spent her energy just shifting.

In place, enervated. A mistake.
A husk built of guilt and bone.
In a closed room full of blood and *****,
alone. Atone.
In place, enervated,
elbows at the window sill.

Already wasting time with all the years we've been alive,
so why not nip the bud before the grace of your christ?
His open eyes must call for genocide if you're up in arms,
willing to put piety before the reality of impaled hearts.
No poetic device can describe how quick you shove your
***** up our *** before, exasperated, you decide in a flash
to bludgeon the devil's monsters till you're ******* enough
blood to take to your father for the war, to win.
Do you win?
Well,
do you win?

**** my *** and slit my throat.
I am a wo-man eater without a cause to own.
Knife my gut like you gut your fish.
Cause your masculinity won't last
unless you're pounding a ****, *****.
That's right, I am a body in the night,
that's all, but in the long run I'll haunt
your dreams for every ear around
your collar bone.
Cause I'm worthless.

Your very presence does to me,
the inexplicable.
I watch you shyly.
You, walkin' like a lady.
in smokin' yoga pants.
Lately rocking only sweats.
I swear you had a beard one day.
I want to approach you, eager, and say:
"I like it. Please take me away."

Confines stunt now and wilt my insides
when I simply chance a glance at mirrors.
Why would I stay here when I'm unwelcome?
These ******* confines wilt me and
will **** me someday, much faster then the
cancer I'd like.

Can't get you out of my head,
thrashin' nightly in my bed.
Who the ****'s to say I can't live the way
I see myself deeply, inside out?
But then I dream about the toilets.
I still dream about the tension.
How do you walk so tall
and split the difference when you're broke as ****?
Morally bankrupt, hunting pennies to pay your sins?
Is this line you walk
the brittle back of safety, or
is this line that's been drawn
the fear of native captives
waiting for spit?
I like it so much I'd even meet you
on your worst day just knowing
I could be the god I am,
without definition,
**** and lying on grass.

The tears of gender on my bed sheets,
too tired of the run to get up.
I'll inter myself, to ******* rise anew,
no obligations outside of love,
and if it makes old love boil in blood,
then,

****.

Responsible for nothing why don't we fade
into oblivion together, draining the shame
ascribed to our names with the gaze of
the all-important outside eye?
Why don't we fall back from the game we play
when each move we make causes pain?
I am Not.
Never and Non.
Lost.
Troubled and Gone.
I am Not.
Never and Non.
Forever all,
Always for nothing
Til I'm troubled and gone.

We can remember it for you wholesale
once we clear the stage of initial erase
Sure I might lisp on a drunk night,
exasperated and claiming in collapse,
I'd rather pack rat the memories in one place
and consign my pain away to tall tales.
I'm drowned, running down wi-fi 6th street.
Printing my soles to follow my heels
as inescapably I lose track of me.

Come in, take off your clothes,
you're soaking wet.
I'll get you dry for free,
you'll be reset.
For now, lie on the couch,
I'll be close by,
ear pressed against the door
with you in the other room
naked in my mind.

I'll get you dry for free,
you'll be reset.
Cleanse the wounds
****** and guns
hide in your skin.
I am the one who can
kindle your feet
so softly
you'll never know
you are burning
til you turn to ash.
I'll get you dry,
you'll be reset.

Robert's a bad man, sister
just look at how quick he cracks to stay alive.
What's up with that ****? Maybe
deep down inside he inhabits misery.
If it's not come,
it's coming.
Can't you see it
rolling in off the mountain
like a river of clouds?
Honey, chin up.
The thing is, he
knows he's gonna get wet,
and he's running
like it's coming
whether it does or not.
Robert's a bad man who's gonna get wet.
Robert's a bad man who's gonna get it,
all at once, the ***** he's been owed
in dividend.