Am I growing or is the world becoming smaller?
Where did I leave my childhood behind and when was it really over?
Is there a way to predict the future or does it completely depend on our choices?
Am I the one to calm my thoughts or is it out of my control?
Why did they do this to me and should I be sorry for their actions?
Do I try too hard or do I just not care enough?
Am I too less or too much?
Why did I never get to say goodbye when I knew it would happen?
What is the reason for the birds to leave south and come back again if it'll just get cold later?
How do I rescue myself before it is too late and will it ever be too late?
Did I hit rock bottom or can I continue to dig further down?
Is there a specific purpose for me in this world or are some of us perhaps not destined to anything?
Are we walking in circles or are we actually moving forward if not backwards?
Does it get better with time or do I just get better at swallowing the pain like it was bitter medicine?
Will this end and how did it even begin?
Why do the covers feel too hot but the world around me too cold?
Am I scared of monsters or people who pretend to be angels?
Do I get deceived to believe or is the feeling about this real?
Do I want to go back or is it worth to keep moving?
Am I scared or am I excited?

”You need to learn how to love yourself
You keep stomping on yourself like you were a bug that freaked you out
You point your fingers at yourself
Seriously why would you do that to yourself, do you know how stupid it is?
Why do something others easily can do to you, why would you waste your time on that
You're never going to become of anything if you never let yourself grow
If you keep saying that you can't, you're again wrong
Because even flower seeds are strong enough to break the paved roads and bloom
Do you think they give up because it is difficult?
Yes, it is unfair that you happened to be planted under a thick pavement like those flowers were
but if you don't keep on trying you will never bloom”

It's funny how a tower you used so much time and energy on to build
can by a single blow fall to the ground and break again
And you're often left at the top of the ladder, looking down
-helplessly observing the fall you're about to take
Not knowing how to deal with it when you hit the bottom
and desperately looking for reasons to not believe that it is happening to you
You might come to believe you are a bad builder
and you will therefore swear to never build again
In fact you might even get reasonable and safe-looking chances
but then again you might mess up as you always do
because you are after all the worst builder
You might look at other peoples' beautiful creations where many almost reach the stars
then you look back on your building spot which still stands bare and naked
The ladder might even still be lying on the ground from the fall long time ago
But maybe one day you'll get the strength to build again
and maybe the tower won't be that tall
but your bravery will be and that is what counts
Someone will one day walk by your small tower and find it magnificent
And you will be glad you in the end never gave up

As i grew up, so did my problems.

I am so tired of people who don't listen
When I talk you only look for the words
that can be related to the things you already wanted to say
you are like a loaded gun, which only fire out the bullets already put in
Stop talking to me if you only ask
with the intentions to reply
and not simply listen

I am so done with the friends who call you up
about problems, which they think they need help with
that they also mostly do
but in their heads they already found sense like paths, which they will strictly follow no matter what road signs they meet on their ways
Why do you call me to tell me the same thing you told me 10 times already, when you know the advices I gave you by now
This is not a game
Stop wasting my time, if you want my help please take it
it's right there
Don't ask if you already made up your mind

I do not have time for friends who text you about fun
that you are not invited to but somehow they say it's going to the best time of their lives and they are sorry that they can't bring you with them
because apparently you're told the people would not like you
Please do not tell me where you are going if you don't want to bring me along since I know I will be the one sitting with you afterwards when you are crying because the people at that party suddenly didn't want to talk to you anymore
I am not somebody you can ditch and then casually without shame crawl back to when you get bored another place
I can get bored of you too

Insults and excuses
are not something I can use for anything
I am fine being by myself sorrounded by only me
because I am capable of handling the term "lonely"
since it was what I've always been - even around you.

"I don't really know anymore"
seems to be the best thing I can tell myself
Because so many times before
I found myself trying to find an explanation to it

Answers and explanations
have turned out to not be what I need
While questions and relations
seem to only make myself utterly confused

So I stop searching for them
then I don't need to be in a never ending hunt
They're not like a gem
that I need to find filled with my lost treasures

There is no significance
in the meaning of answers I think I find
The only one importance
is that I try to accept that this is my life

Do they love me
Do they hate me
Would anyone really want to be me
Could I be you
See what you feel
Feel how you think
Think of the world as seen through your eyes
Why is hate so common
And love so blind
Is love real
Or just an illusion, a hope, or a dream
Do I know me
Have you seen you...