i saw you in my sleep
and i kissed you like i couldn't breathe
but you were never mine to keep
our love just wasn't meant to be

i showered 4 times on the day you left
scrubbing and scrubbing trying to get you off my skin.
i turned the heat up all the way,
and let the burn take my mind off of you.
i threw out all your t-shirts and hoodies,
and hoped if i erased any trace of you from my sight,
it would erase you from my heart too.
i repeat "you dont love him anymore" in my head
until it becomes monotonous and numbing.
i convinced my heart it was okay to beat without you,
and my lungs that it was okay to expand
into the voids you left in my chest.


i saw you the other day, at some ****** punk concert,
and for a second, i felt a pang of nostalgia.
but like a lightning strike it was gone.
you asked my friends why i don't text you anymore
and they told you the truth:
i don't love you anymore.

you are the sun, the moon, every single star.
you are the silent breath that dances with the trees.
you are the snowflakes in the winter,
and the flowers blooming in the summer.
you are both the devil and god
and i could not possibly think
of a more beautiful combination,
because you are catatonic.
you have the potential to explode
and destroy everyone in your path
but instead you internalize your combustion
so the only one who gets hurt is you.
you are the only one i would both live and die for,
but i wish you would learn to live for yourself.

it was 3 am when i felt the felt the bed creak
and i heard your feet hit the floor
and i knew that you were leaving,
and i felt you lean over me,
so i closed my eyes and pretended i was sleeping
and you kissed my forehead and whispered
"im sorry for everything"
and i didn't know what you meant
until i woke up the next day
and every trace of you was gone,
like you were never even there.
i felt a searing pain in my chest,
and i didn't know it then,
but that was the feeling of my heart
being torn to shreds.
i never heard from you again,
and now your memory just trails me
like the ghost of what could never be.

and all the pain you felt when it was over
made you realize that
god was dead, and
hell was real,
so why bother anymore?
you taught yourself
how to feel nothing at all,
and thats when you discovered
that it was easier to exist
when reality was altered,
and your hands didnt shake so much
when you were holding onto a lighter
for dear life.
and jesus christ you wanted
to light yourself on fire,
just to feel something
other than this sadness,
but you're a coward,
so you settled for your
fifth cigarette in 3 hours