Christmas
Shistmas
I have no wishlist
All I need is some christmas cheer
Too bad there wont be any left
For the rest of the year

As you jump
From the ledge
Let it play
In your head
Over and over
'Till your skull
Meets the cement

You play god
By messing with another's head
By using secrets you shouldn't know
By crushing hearts that were close to your throne
By stealing hearts you already owned
Now that you're gone
You're on your own
Playing a god
Without a role

A note
A note
All you left me was a note
After all we've been through
All you leave is a note!
No extra tight hug goodbye
No cherished kiss
No last night to talk and laugh?
No!
A note
Just a note
No last I love you
No tender touch?
Just a note
No hint towards your pain
Though people aren't my domain
I could've helped
But no
A note
I got a note
A ******
Crumpled piece of paper
That I will cherish for ever
Your last words scrawled in sloppy blue pen

"I'll see you in the next life. I'll love you even then. I'll love you until we meet again."

Can't you hear the whispers
Left outside
Wasted
Abused and now abrasive
Threats flow from the dark
From outside
Where the whispers reside
Every heartbreak
Every hardship
Spilled plainly from the thing that whispers
    
It can't be human
    
What is it
What could possibly torment you this way
Bombarded by your mistakes
Whispered from the dark
Into your ears
Into your soul
You turn black
You look back
    
What is the thing that's whispering
What is this thing that knows all of my secrets
Frantic
In a panic
Where is it
Where is it!
This all must stop
Pease just stop
    
The whispers
The whispers
They grow louder
    
None of it matters
I swear none of it mattered
Must you make me remember
Reveal yourself
What are you
Why do you whisper
How do you know my secrets
How do you understand my mind
It's not my time
I don't want to die

The thing that whispers
It stepped out of the dark
Same eyes
Same face
Same birthmark
Covered in scars
You're not human
You're not me
This is impossible
This can't be
    
You spiral into insanity

Just an idea you said
Calm down its just a number
But it's a resume now and you wish to be a fighter

Something wild
Something crazy
No amount of pressure can still you
Your heart flutters
Your legs start bouncing
Up and down
Up and down
Shaking non stop
Something wild
Something crazy
Your bloodstream has been caffeinated
Fingers twitching
Always hitting the confines of your pen
Stuck in a seat while all you want to do is run
Your palms are sweating
Your feet are tap
Tap
Tapping
Against the tiled floor
So down you go
Down the hall
Down the road
Chasing away your adrenaline
Your hearts is beating dangerously fast
You slow to a walk
You lay in the grass
You tap
Tap
Tap
Your fingers against your thigh
As you stare achingly into the night sky
Maybe if your adrenaline comes back you could make yourself fly

Sometimes you just have to let go
For a second
A minute
Just one moment

There's no need to always keep busy
Boredom is just the period of adjustment towards peace

If you lay in your bed
Gently floating between the blanket and the sheet
If you lay there
Just lay there
Focusing on your toes making small mountains under the cloth
Eventually you will find yourself letting go

When a ringing begins in your ears
A gentle rhythmic hum
You are done

Or you can wait just a little longer
Till your eyes start to water
Your limbs feel heavy
Cloth like clouds on your skin

Lay there and enjoy your new acquisition of feelings

Can't wait to turn eighteen
Get out of here
Go follow my dreams

Can't wait to turn twenty-four
Have my masters
Get out of college
Get a job

Cant wait to turn thirty
Finally settle down
Tons in my bank account

I simply can not wait another day
To plan my life
My back up plans

I simply can not wait
For you to let me go
No
I must prepare
I must leave
I must live

Come join us
What's the fuss
Got in a little over my head
Now my hearts invested
Gotta get over this
Gotta turn it around
My heart was in the clouds
But before I knew it it was on the ground
Used to love it here but now I'm stopped by fear
Afraid to write
Stayed up all night
Couldn't sleep though it was just me
I miss you A and S too
Life's just not the same without you
You kept me in check
I did my best
I miss you now
I'm chained down
Can't find the key
Life moved on without me
So I stay inevitably
Stuck here in my memory

Smoke slithering out of your mouth
A serpent
Twisting about the columns of air
Curling around your lips
Weaving through your hair

Those who play god
Always they must fall
As surely as they try to blend in
They shall try to repent their sin
I dearly apologize for breaking your mind
Turning you to a puppet
Forcing you to scream and cry
If you force us to exile
Push us into an insane asylum
You'll keep us as playthings until we die
Your trophies are the certificates of our demise

Don't look at me
With those lonely eyes
Like melted chocolate
I silent scream
That portrays your constant frown
Screaming for help
Screaming for peace

Not this
Not again
Defiant I lift my chin
I will not break because you decided to go off on a whim
My gaze held steady but I wasn't ready
The second your clenched hand reached my face
I knew already I had lost the race
what a disgrace you'd say
what a disappointment
Though to duck is not my first urge
I've taken too many hits from you
It's to punch but I must still my nerves
From there I knew it could only get worse
I'm crying but it doesn't hurt
No emotions show on my face
No feeling in my eyes
Your little girl is frozen is that a surprise?
Your little disgrace is emptied
Is it even alive?
How could you have left yourself so far behind?

Golden curls
Ruby lips
Emerald eyes
Pale skin
Tender kisses
Clothing shed
Beautiful dance
Not meant for the stage

Demented?
Crazy?
That may be
But if you were
Eternally happy
Wouldn't you be?

You'll be spending your days
Defending this place
To which
You have no ties
Defenses are weak
People are meek
You'll be spending your days
Defending this place
Covered in lies

There is no remedy
This will be the end of me
My worst enemy
Trapped in my head
Everything said
Only to myself
A danger to everyone's health
Repeat
Replay
All night
All day
My insanity
Has no remedy
It will be the end of me
My worst enemy

I trusted you to stay
But while I was away
You crossed my back and boarded that distant plane

Hello?
Knock knock
Are you drunk again?
Asleep on your bed garbage can by your side

Hello?
Knock knock
Are you hung over again?
Sitting in a dark room face pale head hung low

Hello?
Knock knock
Are you crying again?
Rocking in a corner waiting for me to help you

Hello?
Knock knock
I slowly push in the door

Hello?
I was right
Nursing a bottle crying in the corner
Once again I help

Bottle from your hand
Draw you a bath
Coffee in your cup
Food on the table
Bottles and ***** cleared
Broken glass swept away
Leave again and wait
Wait for tomorrow...

One in a million
Everyone wants to be a billionaire
Perfect white teeth
Perfectly combed hair
Perfect clothes
Perfect car
Terrible ending
Perfect start

It's not yet christmas
Not yet thanksgiving
But i cant help looking at you and thinking
Your body would make a beautiful package
Your skin a smooth wrapping
Your entrails for ribbon
I'm sure your bloodied hair would make a wonderful bow
Other organs inside
Bones discarded
This christmas your family will get a splendid suprise

These tin soldiers
Sitting high upon a shelf
They don't bent
They don't break
Only melt into puddles because of searing hate
These little tiny soldiers
There's only so much they can take
Before they wilt and die
Relinquished of their duty of keeping solemn company
Company to children hiding in the closet
Under the high shelf

Sparkles and love
Dreams come true
That sounds less like me
More like you

Where's the dragons
The war
The grime and gore

What fun is there without blood lust
What excitement without death and deciet
Shadowed intent
Shattered goal

What fun is it without kings or queens that must be overthrown
Deciding who's head to cut off as they sit alone

The protagonist a prodigy
Strong and young
Filled with burning rage for what cannot be undone

The villain cruel
Living in darkness
In a world lacking color

What fun is it to always have peace and kindness rule the land
To always have the hero win
Save the day let's go and play
Clearly now evil shan't threaten again

Ocassionally the antagonist must win
Create seas of blood
Darken the skies with flocks of crows
Come to feast on the rotten corpses of their enemies

Ocassionally you must let happy endings die
To let excitement live

I know why the caged bird sings
It sings of help
It sings of being set free
It sings to tell its story
One of injustice and immorality
It sings to plead to passers by
'Oh please set me free'
It sings to say hello
It sings to say goodbye
It sings to congratulate it's brethren who have reached the sky
It sings to mourn for those yet unable to fly
It sings it's song all night and all day
In hopes Someone would understand
In hopes someone would relay its words

Long time no see
As if that should mean something
Dried tears
Silly fears
Nothing you should know
But you find out anyways
Long time no see
Whats that supposed to mean?
you see me every day
I only see you
In my dreams

Sickly sweet
The taste of another's defeat
Something you shouldn't be proud of
Yet you are
That sickly sweet smell
The pleading look in their eyes
Their relief when you spare them
It's addicting consuming
Even though it's wrong
Even though it's horrible and cruel

From your own little disgrace
From your own little mistake
You disgrace me
If I disgrace you

I met an old friend today
Remet I suppose you could say
Speaking loud
As if to a crowd
Though the conversations partner sat mere feet away
Good to see once again
My dear old friend
Exchanging insults to the failed irishman
Forget that one if you can
Oh what a joy
To see the boy
Finally turned to a man

I had you first
Heart soul and mind
Grown up, not apart by time
So alike, so unchanged
Through different environments, in a different stage
Now they have you, thoughts and body
Weeding away our time though unsteady
So many wishes, so many prayers to one not there, answered suddenly but incompletely
Now I have you soul mind and body
Your heart is away, on vacation these days

Now I again begin to pray, to beg one not there
May I have you?
Again the way you once were?
All mine finally for once
Uninjured, unbroken
Loved and loving but mostly; loving me?

God please!
You know me better than I know myself!
For years and years of my feelings bottled on a shelf
Resigning myself to a secret love ocassionally crashing from above, to break my heart all over again
I never minded it then...

But to have you and have you ripped away
Every night, every day
I will never be ok
The jar is unscrewed and feeling renewed courses through my chilled veins
To remember your gentle callused hands
To remember your words to me when secrets spilled and my tears would repeat
I would give anything for you to stay
Even a day or two of having you Completely having you, is worth more than lifetimes having the next best thing

I'm a kitchen sink
A kitchen sink that fills and spills
A kitchen sink that washes everything away
A kitchen sink that is stationary
Cannot move
A kitchen sink that is silent
Save for the whisper of water running
Save for the silent protests of agony
When dishes are thrown
When it is filled
I'm a kitchen sink tears in the form of a leaking faucet
Calm and silent
Stationary and unnoticed

Death and decay
Doesn't matter either way
All things end
'Till then you said you'd be my friend
You ended it to soon
Under the darkened sky
And the bright moon
You made a mistake
It wasn't the end
At least not until you made it then
You left me alone
Your body lifeless and cold
You said you'd protect me
But no one could protect me from you
You were angry
You were sad
My sister was crying
We were all dying but you're the one who left this earth!

The saviour
The hero
The silent knight
The shining spectacle
You who we'd rush to war blindly for
Who we listen to
Second thoughts unneeded
Who we'd follow anywhere
Warnings unheeded
The fallen angel
The farce
The façade
The delusion with proven trust
A lonely little boy
A fictional character
A plot
A ploy
A faulty god who sits atop
Directing people with no idea to the size of his army

We parted with regrets
Words hanging in the air
Sorry for what I've said
Sorry for what I haven't
For what I wouldn't dare
For all the tears I couldn't see
They seemed to vaporize
When you left behind the scenes
A front row seat to the ride of my life
I couldn't even see my reflection cry
I couldn't feel my leaking eyes
I come out all dried when the curtains rise
Though after the show
I pray I can fly

My little sunshine girl
How you laugh
How you twirl
How you smile
All the while
When deep inside
You taste bile

My little sunshine girl
How you fool the world
How you show only brightness
How you show only flames
All the while
Just a pile
A pile of lies

My little sunshine girl
How do you feel without feeling
How do you never cry
How do you hide what's inside
All the while
A beautiful smile
That wouldn't suggest a thing

My little sunshine girl
When you walk into a room
You make people's hearts bloom
They smile like fools
Being sad is no use
Not around you

My little sunshine girl
I wish you'd learn how to smile for real
Everyone else you meet
Is perfectly happy
Why can't you be happy yourself?

To all of the nameless pierrot's
Who were hurt
But didn't let it show
Even when bleeding and bent
Making people smile wherever they went
They mask their pain
Trying in vain
To save themselves from that murderous fall
Made to end them once and for all
But someone cried
Ran to their side
As the teardrops began to fall
Off slid the pierrots' masks
Down came their walls
The pierrot's are dead
But they died without pain
Because someone cared
Someone cried
Someone **loved

Stormy eyes
Wore a disguise
Hid everything inside
Time to time
To feel relief
She'd think about her coming sleep
Not now she said
Not yet
Her pain was growing stronger
Now there's nothing left
Finally she thought
As she took her final breath

On the other side
The secret side
Where I reside
My secret place
The only space
That I have
To myself
I live like there's no tomorrow
I live like life is just a dream
I dream like life's worth living

Don't touch
Sparkling silver
Don't hear
Twinkling bells
Don't see
Dark night
Don't taste
Freedom from don't

Shards of glass tinkling to the ground
Glittering in the sunlight from a newly broken window
Crimson flows to the floor
Drip
Drip
Drop
Until it drips no more
The floor is scarred gouged from the cruel broken glass
Scraping along its surface
In the middle there lies a girl
Silently screaming
Gathering the courage to pull her body out of this mess
Forwards she crawls
Further she regrets

Pretty eyes
Pretty smile
She'll be in love with you for a while

How do I tell you I hate you
Despise your every move
Your every breath
It captures me
Spins me
I don't want to dance
I don't dance
How dare you
You know what you're doing
You twist me
Bend me
Knocking down the walls that defend me
I want to scream
But if you see
You'll smile
Hold me while I cry
Breathe into my hair that it'll be alright
You reach in
Tear out my heart
And I start to die
Don't touch me
Don't talk to me
Please
I don't want to love
I don't want to be touched
Just go away
I'll hide for a few days
We can talk over the phone
But in person
How could I love the person who stole me
You had what you wanted
I have what you asked
You wanted more and more
You wanted me to undress
No
I said no
But you didn't care
You already had me
Had what you wanted
In these thoughts you were comforted
How do I tell you I hate you
Wish you were dead
Your every move it captures me
Spins me
I don't want to dance
I don't dance
How dare you

Moving up and down
Bobbing with the waves of the melody
Floating,
Slowly soaking  into my soul
note by note
Key for Key
My thirsty soul
Drinks heavily of sweet rolling sounds
Sinking down fully
Into oblivion

Why are you so desperate to live vicariously through your child
Not even your children just one
The eldest you want to be
The ***** up is what you use to see
When you looked in the mirror after hooking up
When you pulled on your dress after a few too many shots
The ***** up doesn't do those things
It's what her father led you to believe
You pull her hair
Scream in her ear
Clap your hand over her mouth
'Listen up and quiet down little mouse'
She is not a drunk
She doesn't do drugs
Above all she is not a ****
In one of your children you see yourself
Why?
What has she done to condone your actions?
You build an altar to the first born
The others existence you decide to mourn
She works for you every day
Earns her keep
Asks for no pay
The other one plays and plays
She understands the first one graduated
If you let her go to the school she'd be in the same position
You didn't listen you told her off
The thought of her success made you scoff
She has tried from the very start
She gave you all she had from the bottom of her heart
Yet what do you do?
What do you say when you get home and she asks about your day
While upstairs the other plays and plays
You try to guilt trip her
You try to wrench yet more work from those already withered sore hands
She is not your servant
She is not your maid
You punch her
Pull her hair
Break her heart
She gives you more and more
Until she's torn apart
She refuses to grovel or beg for mercy
Forgiveness is unheard of
Though she has no reason to say sorry
What do you expect?
Hilarity?
Laughter in her eyes as you grind her to a pulp
A gurgled giggle as she's pinned against the wall
She put up with too much to forget the laws
Still she never made the call
She'll always take the fall
She knows how hard you work for it all
To see you angry at her help that's painful unto itself
Don't add the past broken bones
The promises you always seem to ignore
The warnings you need yet still abhor
She is your daughter too yet you love another more
She's tired of being people's sunlight
Seeing opportunity in the darkest paths
A little recognition
A little respect is all she's ever asked

Hatred
Boiling...
Bubbling...
Rising...
But I digress
This emotion I do suppress
But when you pound my head into the ground
Take my hair
Throw me round
Sit on my chest so I can't breathe
Scream
And scream
And scream
About how you hate me
Should've never had me
How much of a disappointment I am
How much of a failure...
Tell me how much you protect me
How much you love me
Cry and try to hold me
Try to touch me
I think I'm entitled to
Just  a little bit
Of hatred...

The war between the weak and strong
It rages on
Yes it rages on
Through the inky black of night
Through the shining blue of day
Each thinks one is the other
How little do you think of one another?
To believe that for past mistakes you must always pay
Pay in full
Once it is found that payment is needed
To think that past mistakes cancel your current strengths
When in truth your strengths are the product of mistakes
Why believe the world is black and white?
When repeatedly in your life it has been proven instead to be gray
Why think one is strong and another is weak
Based on the testing of a few thousand characteristics out of billions
Why think you are one or the other when in truth everyone is both

Circles and loops
Jumping through hoops
Avoiding the fires burning below
My scar covered body enforcing the legitimacy of my woe
Burns are worse then bruises
I'd rather have those
I've been here so long
Trying to escape
I no longer know which way to go
I stumble and tumble
I run and crumble
Trying to avoid the flames that have seared us all
Down to the meat
Down to the bone
I would much rather have lept eleven stories onto stone
When bliss is this
Bonfires instead of infernos
I would rather be dead
Not running through my head
Circles and loops
Jumping through hoops
What a daring act to feature
Acrobatics performed clumsily
So as to not be covered in scar tissue

You are amazing
In every sense of the word
Every step of the way

Flowers for the dead
Shriveled and dried
Just like their hearts

Flowers for the dead
Lush and pure
Just  like their souls

Flowers for the dead
Starry and brilliant
Just like their minds

Flowers for the dead
Really flowers for the living
For those alive are dead inside
Those who are dead are dead outside

They see more than the living
For the living are dead

They see more than the living
For the dead are alive

Grab me
Pull me closer
Hold me to your chest
Before you go
Before you dissappear
Hold me close
Kiss my lips
You can't leave me like this