4:43 am

As I lay
Mind weary
Eyes dry and red
I stretch;
My ribs peaking
Through my flesh
My hips swiveling
I hear sounds
Sounds of morn
And sounds of life
Birds!
Goosebumps cover
My soft skin
It is morning
And I haven't slept.
The sun just barely
Shining through the
Sheer curtains
I'm out of time.

I don't know
When she's coming back
Or when we'll be
A family
Or when the next earthquake
Will shake our house
As violently as
His voice did when
They fought.

I don't know
When he's coming back
Or when she'll be
In love again
Or when this hurricane
Will finally destroy
Every part of us
Until there's absolutely
Nothing left.

I don't know
When we'll be back
Or if we ever will be
But I do know
That my mother
Doesn't wear her
Wedding rings
Anymore.

I wish I had never brought you here
This place this place of love
This place of safety
I felt safe
My favorite place
The place I come to when broken
When snapped into pieces
Stomped into the sand
Where salt in my hair meant comfort
And the calm cooling zephyrs
Wrapped me with care
And I never had to worry
About how I looked
Or what I had to wear
Or how salty and tangled was my hair
But now all I feel is you
I feel your energy your weight
You've ruined this place for me
I'm brought to tears feeling you near
Near this place I used to love
Near this place I once called my haven
And how our memories haunt me
I can't escape you
Cannot rid of your grin
Cannot rid of your teeth and the sins that you spin
And you've RUINED this place
One summer and you've ruined
The place I've loved unconditionally
The place I've been coming to
Since the age of three.

You were here early fall
Crisp air creating reason to bundle
The cracking of death under our toes
Though it was beautiful
We carved ourselves into pumpkins
An innocent activity for us
We picked apples
We (got)baked
My lungs filled with a burning
As things became even more unreal
And that night you
You, a god among heathens
You laid your hands upon me
My temple and my sanctuary
Without permission.
A ****** goddess laid in your bed
And you took advantage.
And though we ate cheese puffs
And visited graveyards
We were already dead
Already rotting six feet under
The insects knew our taste
We rotted filled with maggots
Awaiting a non-existent next life
Or maybe we were just asleep
But even in dreams
You **** me.

Cannot listen to certain tunes
Due to poison melodies.
Cannot sing in an empty room
Too used to sympathy.
Cannot go to certain places
For fear that you are there.
Cannot hide in hidden spaces
For you are everywhere.
No "happy holidays" for me this year
The anniversary of life.
Shedding gallons of quiet tears
As you threatened with a knife.
As I burn all of your clothes
And scorch away the pain,
Your ashes flowing through the air
Though things will stay the same.

I have rose petals in a jar
From a time I'd like to forget.
Tears stained red
Monsters in my bed
Broken down beauties
Locked in an airtight tomb
With clear walls
Forced to witness every heartbreak
And every sleepless night
How I wish I could stow it away
Leave it in a box on the top shelf
Of an old dusty closet
To remain there in perpetuity
But I could not bring myself
To rid of these darling petals
Though they’re from a time I’d like to forget
They serve as a grim reminder
Never to return to the hell-hole
Which I crawled out of
With jar-in-hand.

Because I still remember him
Because I can see him
In all of his glory
His touch still fresh
His hand imprinted on my thigh
Because I remember how he smells
And I remember how he felt
Because when he woke up
At six in the morning
Cuddled up on the bed
As I stood in the doorway
Tired from a sleepless night
And I smiled as he did for me
Because his hair was messy
But his skin was so warm
Because all touches
So early in the morning
Sent shivers through my body
Because I'll never be able
To forget his face
Or the way his arms felt
Around me
Imprinted in my
Pretty little brain
For all of eternity.