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Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
My love for you is the fabric of my soul
Our promises the stitches holding it together
Beneath the full moon, washed in it's blue light
My heart beating in my chest

This love is the kind that seeps into your bones
Walks among this Earth, and smiles at the sky
Your eyes of the deepest blue
Your hair, silk strands of midnight captured me at once

The night is chilled
The fine hairs on my body raised by it's touch
The leaves brush against each other
Footsteps, a soft pitter pat in the distance
Fingers clenched tightly around the thorny stem of the rose you left waiting
The pinch settles my erratic heart as I wait for you

And there I see you, high on the hill top
The familiarity rushes through my veins
Like a shot of Home to calm the nerves
Beneath the full moon you stood there
Waiting for me too.
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
I come home to get away from the hate
Get slapped for being two minutes late
Look for the mother I used to know,
When had I become so slow?
She doesn't love me
She hates me
With the rest of the world
The people who claim
To love me the same
All lies!
Frauds!
You don't love me!
You only use me
Because I'm the only one left
Because she left
You rather it was her in the picture frame
You wish you could be saying her name
Yeah I guess I'm better off dead
No one would miss me anyway
It would just be another day
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Built for sin
She was a woman that no man
Could resist
Red lips
Pale skin
Hair soft as the angels wings
***** of her time
All that is left
Is a black and white photo
Long slender legs
She teased all the men
As they watched and drank there gin
She danced with a grin
Her dress dipped so low
In the back
Her body twirled with the music
Her red lipstick
Not a smudge
She's what they called perfect
Woman held grudges
But all that is left
Is a black and white photo
On her way out
A sway in her hips
She waved to the camera
And puckered her lips
And in the chill air
A yank on her hair
The allyway terror
She was found
The next morning
The police say it was an animal
She was left without blood
Her neck was swollen
And all that is left
Is a black and white photo
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Black winter, snow fall
Children play, no not at all
No angles pressed in the black of the snow
No one understands no on knows
People stay inside their homes
While the black winter roams
Stretched across the river bank
Underneath the ice where I had sank
Blackened water, no will to move
A beast of unleashed upon this town
To cause chaos and burn it down
Black winter , santas dead
Get no toys, coal instead
Fire pits lit , with depressing glare
Peoples heartbeat and glassy stares
colder that ice on wet skin
The black snow fall, falls thin
Board your windows guard your homes
Because tonight black winter roams
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
I was fooled to think that you cared
It was a chance, but I dared
I took the leap
Of faith, I thought you'd keep
I was wrong
So wrong
I was blinded
I couldn't see
That you weren't the ally  
You were the enemy
I was stupid to think that you could've sided
With me
I was weak
To think you were strong
I was so wrong
I thought because I knew you for so long
That I knew who you were
Until the *** I stirred
It's like the shades came off
Your cover was blown
True colors were shown
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2014
Tears are streaming down her face
Our trust has been misplaced
In the hands of a human being
A mother can't believe what she is seeing

The same ones who swore to protect and serve
Leave bodies dead, laid out by the curb
And my heart is bleeding as much as their wounds
Our streets are becoming tombs

Our hate is destroying our humanity
And we let pride take away from our dignity
We let stereotypes destroy our humility
It's become a tragedy
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
My heart bleeds the lyrics 
You once sang in my ear 
And my eyes are dry 
Except for one last tear 
That seems to move slow 
And I can't speak these words 
But I know that you know 
That, that last silent kiss 
Was goodbye 
Even though I feel as if i've died 
I'm letting go of the fights 
I'm going home tonight 
Heartbeats will go on 
Even though mine used to skip one 
For you 
Because you used to hold me 
In your warm embrace 
My heart would then race 
Rest assured 
My broken heart wont be cured 
I was lured into your trap 
And you weren't afraid to snap 
Down on me 
And now I must leave 
From this pain 
That has since strained 
My life
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The rooms were dark
The halls all abandoned
My steps echoed like screams in the halls
There was blood on the stalls...
Tears stained the floors
Pain in the air
No hope left In here

Could this all be a dream?
Did I imagine the screams?
Is this real?
I cannot feel
Sliding down the walls
There was blood on the stalls

Like every other horror film
There was only one to survive
The rest weren't alive
They had taken a fall
There was blood on the stalls

His mother lay cold in a puddle of blood
I'd seen the room flood
Petrified by fear
I'd shed one long tear
To never hear her call...
There was  blood on the stalls
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Blue rose
Deliver love to me
Deliver prosperity
I just need a sense of accomplishment
I've been trying to swim in cement
Stuck
But still trying
Bring me love
So I can feel whole again
Fix my heart
I'm tired of being apart
On the floor
Forgotten
Pull me up by my heart strings
Give me a melody to sing
I just need a reason
To raise my head
And feel
Fed
By


Loves passionate touch
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2013
The days when you're all alone
And your friends turn out to be your enemy
And you have this storm inside
That doesn't know weather to cry or get angry
You want to cry
But you fear someone might see
Until you remember you're all alone
In the dark
Then your phone lights up
And you think you might be ok
Until you realize its you ex texting you
For tips on how to get a girl into bed
And now you really want to cry
But just text back instead
You go on the internet to clear your head
And see post of R.I.P because another friend is dead
And inside you bend so far you break
Lay in your bed wear you shake
And you pray when you fall asleep you never come awake
Maybe then your heart won't burst
As the seams tear out
And you drowned in this ocean
Of pain so thick and cruel
But you can't help to fall deeper within
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2016
Loneliness is a bitter monster
It sits on the edges of my heart
Pulling at the strings
The musical song echoes in the vacancy

My eyes belong to a lonely girl
Forlorn in her love and lost in her hopes
That maybe one day
Another heart would soothe that ache

Mourning over the sun fall
That bright, wide eye turns away too soon
And she is left empty
With the blind white eye of the dead moon

Tear stains tattoo her skin
And disapproval scars her heart
When will she be good enough
When will she be free

When will darkness stop taking over
When will the lightness win
When will heartache stop
Coming from the people I let in

When will my voice stop being crushed beneathe the sea?
When will the jokes stop pouring in and drowning me?
When will this life be over I'm tired of the fight
When will the dark surrender its sword up to the light?

Break the silence and hear this lonely voice
When did fear start taking over and become my only choice?
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
Just breathe
As you sob
Just breathe
And lift your head
Bury the pain
Don't fall again
Don't bleed to feel sane
Keep faith
Even if your not ok
Smile and wait
It will go away
Like the monsters beneath the bed
This pain is in your head
You have to let it go
Even if dosent feel right
Even if your heart fights
Just breathe
It'll keep you alive
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
Tall or is it small?
The quite whispers of the trees
They all talk in circles
Going around my head
The trees spin
And I sit
Within it's quiet company
Sleeping against the ground
Stroking the pain of my heart
I feed it my tears
It takes all my strength not to break
Holding on to my love
Holding on to the trees
On to the roar of the water
To the melting snow
To the reawakening birds
And the beautiful song of the wind brushing against the leaves
Holding on to the warmth that the sun pours
Loving us all
I walk ahead
Just to listen
And there as the birds all watch down
I want to live instead
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Broken glass,   Not meant
To last, try  to look past
The anger , try not to
See some
One

As a stranger,     as an intruder
Try to look   past their
Differences That
divide Them
From

Each other , that keep
Them so separate
Broken glass
Never
Meant
To
Last
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
I have been left here waiting
For you to stop breaking me
And the thoughts I'm debating
Are starting to frighten me
You said that I was nothing
A meaningless pice of dirt
But I thought I was something
And that's why it really hurt
To think I was in your heart
Was so foolish I could die
And tragically fell apart
From all your deceitful lies
I am broken pieces lying about
Be careful you might slip and cut yourself on the glass
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
The moon hung in the sky
Above the quite world
The cold breeze shuffles the leaves
And whispers in my ear
Walking along the woods
A growl so soft is spoken
A coyote's eyes so bright
Shine brighter than the stars
I smile and whisper back
Hello there brother
He growled again but softer
As I softly sang to him
He slowly backed away
Knowing he was in no danger
I say goodbye to the creature
And go along my way
I never forgot that coyote
That I saw that day
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2014
Clink Clash
The metallic clang of swords colliding
echoes throughout the rolling hills
My brothers lay strewn
across the crimson stained grass

Clink Clash
My chest heaves
as I cut down every man in my path
A Raven soars up above in the skies
watching over my fallen brothers
and taking their souls to the next side

The sun beats down hard
on my bare shoulders
Metal against my flesh
I feel the heat searing into my skin

Fight!*
They yell
To the Death!
They cry

Without a regard or regret
I carry my sword into the enemies heart
With hope that the angels
will greet me in my death

The Raven above swoops low
and shrills out a cry
a sound that resonates
over the hills

And I feel the cold metal
cut through my fragile flesh barrier
and pierce my heart

To my knees
I drop
with my head raised to the sky
I cry out

Just remember us
I whisper softly
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
I've been lifeless lately 
Time rushing past 
I've been slow motion lately 
Can't remember what I did last 
The airs cold against my tears 
I have been running so long 
I have hid from these fears 
It was so wrong 

Burnt bridges all around 
Glass is breaking through the sound 
This pain is taking over me 
Im falling to the ground 
Please take my hand save me 
I've been no good but maybe 
You could change me 
Maybe it's you that I need 

a dove in my window Payne 
They said it was a chance of sun 
But my sky is full of rain 
and I feel like I'm done 
The lights flicker to black 
My head is spinning 
I need to take you back 
All this hurt it's been bringing 
I cried all I could 
And I seen this day coming 
I just wished it never would 
And now I'm lost again 

Burnt bridges all around 
Glass is breaking through the sound 
This pain is taking over me 
I'm falling to the ground 
Please take my hand, save me 
I've been no good but maybe 
You could change me 
Maybe it's you that I need 

And if only you could see 
That this light burns inside me 
I'm shining in the shadows 
Its like it's never mattered 
But I just want to light your way 
Even if that path is out of "our" days 
I just need to know that we 
Were something to keep 
Even if it's not me that you seek
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
Cold water wades
Frail memories fade
Soft winds sway
Why won't the pain go away?

Tears fresh and warm
My heart so forlorn
This empty in my soul
Why can't I just be whole?

Lips chapped and dry
Worn by how I cry
These feelings won't subside
Why did some part if me die?

Sleep I wish would last
A trance to forget the past
God can you save me
Why am I haunted by these memories?
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2020
Introspection
Inside inspection
Still spinning
From last nights rejection

Lurching
Illness perching
Mental *******
Why am I still searching?

Alone
Charged stone
Casting spells
I build a spiritual home

Bare
Blank stare
Skin stripped
Are you still there?

Whisper
Word twister
Speak tongues
Static on the radio transmitter

Silence
Internal violence
Ears bleeding
Mind quiet
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
You look at me but do you really see?
Can you see the pain?
Or the shame?
The scars?
Do they define me?
Maybe it's better I didn't know
Maybe...
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
I was afraid time had taken me
Farther then allowed, I would
Be trapped in this hellish dream
                                                             Forever
Unable to call for help because
Only I am here , all on my own
Caged and trapped with only my
Thoughts to hold in my sanity I
                                                                  Was
Scared to reach out my hand and
Feel the damp stony walls, I was
Scared of the deafening silence
That had swallowed me, it was
Too overwhelming it had been
                                                                   Too
Quite, almost as if I was being
Drown in noise, filling my lungs
Pushing against my heart, and
Blocking my throat, chocking on
It, there was the slight sigh in
The breeze of the air, where the
                                                                 Long
Pause broke through my body,
I was disintegrating slowly
Stuck here forever alone, no
One there with me, just the
Killing silence, my thoughts
and dreams
This one is kind of confusing, but I had dreamt I was in a stone wall room alone and it had been so quite it was loud, and I kept thinking that I would be stuck there forever with just my thoughts
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2020
Crouching in tendrils of bright green grass
Two caterpillars set out on a daunting task
Hearts filled with hope to taste the fruit
Which had rendered so many full and moot

They slugged their way out beneath the sun
And laughed and talked of all they'd done
Distracted they never saw the bird coming
It swooped down much too close and sent them running

Once they were sure the bird was lost
They argued their plan and what it could cost
They were both still afraid the bird would come back
And this time that bird would precisely attack

But they knew in their hearts that they came so far
They couldn't turn back on their wishing star
So they hauled for the tree which was just in sight
When the bird swooped in and with all it's might

Bit a chunk from both caterpillars **** end
And with a mighty resurrection of power would send
Both caterpillars catapulting to the tree
Where both could feast and drink fruit mead

In a drunken stupor honey glazed thoughts soar
The caterpillars lost in slumber would snore
And in their sleep their body's tore
To be rebuilt with fine allure

They stretched out their legs, wings unfolded as well
Both stared in awe at the beauty, love spell
They leapt in the air and tested their wings
And rose to the sky to cheerfully sing

Two soaring butterflies dancing with the wind
They looked at each other and victoriously grinned
They had beat the bird and ate all their fruit
And may never had if they left that route
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2015
Release these chains
But leave one remain
This one runs deeper than blood
This one lives embroidered in my veins
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The day had started under the sun
First day of kindergarten,
I would have fun

I told mommy and daddy goodbye
The feeling felt funny I don't know why

But I'd keep my head up,
I must be nervous
I'd get through today I'd stay tough

Until the door broke down
The teacher on the ground
I looked all around
But I'd stay strong

I didn't know where I was
My first day, was this right?
God was there, now I was scared

He took me in his arms
Said child please be strong
You didn't do anything wrong

My family all cried
I figure out I had died
But I had tried
To stay strong

He told me they'll be alright
It's there pain
they'll have to fight
But rest your eyes
Child

Until the door broke down
The teacher on the ground
I looked all around
But I'd stay strong
Wrote a song for the children, they all rest in my heart
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
All the children dance
Beneath the sun
Crying, because it's been so long
Dead inside the rays warm there souls
Eventually they begin to feel
Forgetting the nightmares of darkness
Gratified to see the lush trees
Heaving breaths of fresh air
Instead of the cold air filling shriveled lungs
Just the soft heat warming their skin
Kind gentle winds brush through matted hair
Loving trees hang just out of reach
Moist grass  below bare feet
Never had they felt this before
Overwhelmed they stopped and stared
Processing these strange things
Questioning the being of it all
Rain threatened to fall
Suppressing their bubbling fears
They began to dance again
Until the clouds overhead withdrew
Vivid sunshine breaking threw
Within they all knew it was then
X marking the spot in their hearts
Yet they were not discouraged
Zestfully they danced the rain away smiling
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
The frosty bite of the winters chill
Brought me from my daze
I was brought forth to a white painted hill
To look upon the trees that made up a maze
A fine winter indeed with a splatter of sorrow
As the ravens scream ahead
Because someone who will not see tomorrow
Today has been pronounced dead
The church bells sound with a booming ring
And the trees look desperately bare
And the choir overhead I can hear them sing
So I know you've gone safely there
To anyone who has lost someone close to them
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Poisoned by the thoughts
Dark and cold
All the things I'm not
All the things I'm told
To be
To see
It's as though the room is spinning
And the devils laughing at me
The darkness is winning
Sickening my mind
I used to be alive
I used to be kind
Until I fell pray to the voices
Telling me to fall
Gave me no choice
I made the final call
Standing at the top of the cliff
Looking down
I can feel the storm
The wind once cold
Was now warm
Like arms pulling me from the edge
It was to late
I was already dead
The ocean air pulled me down
The trip was long
I could feel the arms all around
I knew this was wrong
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Silently she hung her head
And drifted loaftly off to bed
Sadly she laid her head down
Her face was frozen masked by a frown
Her heart had grown dreary from the cold days
And her love kicked out there was no room to stay
She often stood about a cliff
As she listened to the ocean drift
She heard if happiness lying there
As she stared into the waters glare
Not every story ends with love
Not ever story releases doves
Her story was met with an ending of life
Consumed by pain and swallowed by strife
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2013
Days seem dimmer while you're away.

I had not, will not, ask you to stay.

Though my heart woefully cries out for you.

I'm missing a part of me I was never meant to lose.

Although tears do not fight for the will to fall free.

My unwavering eyes are blind to see.

These ears and hands will guide me back to you.

But I hear not, feel not, the words that belong to you.

Have you faded along with the wind again?

I just want this pain rooted deep inside of me to end.

Give me the strength to rise with each sun.

Come back to me before the damage is done.
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
I died my hair black....
It made me feel a little better
Then I died the ends blue ...
Made me think of you
I washed it twice tell it bled out to green...
Made me think of all the things we used to do
I cut my bangs...
Made me think of your arms
I straightened out my natural curls...
Made me remember how much you loved them
I put on my batman shirt...
Made me laugh, you always did love batman
I slipped into my yoga pants...
The comfort reminded me of your embrace
I put in my headphones and listened....
The soft voice sounded like yours
So Much has changed since then...
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
Born by the sun and the moon, 
I dance on the stars, 
Delicate , but the strongest 
The winds blow at my will, 
I collide planets, 
End suffering, bring suffering
Give happiness, take happiness,
I am mystery, but I am an open book, 
I can be kind, but I can be your nightmare, 
I wipe tears, but I also put them upon 
Your face,
I soothe  the innocent, and bring fear to the guilty
I am simple, I am contradictory
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
I listen to the silent buzz,
watching the screen
I sort through the words,
to find what they might mean
The say the world might end
But I just don't believe
That's gods sign to send
That I can wait to see
But in the back of my mind
I wonder just a bit
Will the world end, before eyes blind
And the witty be out wit
Is this not in disguise?
Could this really be true?
Can this maybe not be a guise?
And appear out of the blue
I am unprotected without my rapier
I am defenseless now
In my hand I hold no spear
And before gods feet I bow
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
My bones are bones
My flesh will rot
My soul will fly
But I will not
My heart will beat
Beneath the earth
When time defeats
And the universe begins rebirth
I will lay
Eyes rested
Doomsday
Moon crested
Cremate my heart
I rather not be cold
I've broken many apart
Being cold
Many nights of sin
Empty bottles of gin
Broken chairs
And glass
Litter the floor
But sealed shut is my door
I'm so...
Dead
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that "he'd sooner live in hell."

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursèd cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead—it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Welling inside
Facing mirrors
Surronded , no way to hide
Cold like the winter
I'm laying there
The white snow is stained
Red
By my blood
My tears freeze on my face
My vision becoming fuzzy
No one will miss me...
The trees are spinning above my head
If only the clouds above me could hold me
The blade against my skin
Had torn away from me
My emotions
I had bled
I had cried
Alone with myself
I can't lift my head
But I'm aware of the soft fluffy
Snowflakes falling new
Landing around me
Nature calling me to join
Nature asking for me to take away the pain
To stop my struggles
My heart beats in my chest
Heaving labored beats
I just need a little push
To go falling through the black
Open sky
Plummeting to the ground
Breaking through the empty sound
It's okay
They whisper
Nobodies around
I'm scared but I use my last bit
Of strength
To bring the blade
To my throat
I sob now
But I drag the blade across my throat
Anyways
The pain envolopes me
So wholely
Pulls me from reality
Into the dark
And then I'm falling
Through the endless sky
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
Set the roof on fire....
It's a party in hell
Let the music inspire...
And then the roof fell
Dance beside the flames
Dance beneath the light
Dancing without shame
Below the stars tonight
Closer time pulls us in
And the music starts to get inside
And this ambush of feelings begin
And I don't even want to hide
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Ya I'm scared,
But it doesn't mean I'm weak,
I lift the covers with shaking hands,
Move quite as possible,
Gasping breath loud in the silence,
Shut the open door,
And pray that they might leave me alone,
I hold my breath on the other side of the door,
No footsteps yet,
And as a pull away from the door,
I turn and come face to face,
With the dangerous glowing eyes,  
My breath hitched,
And my eyes closed,
And a smile crept on my lips,
No matter how mad or scared I was,
He had found me,
In my ear he whispers,
That if I ever ran from him,  
And scared him do senselessly again,
He would no doubt punish me,
And I had made up my mind,
I was so going to run
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
I'm so sad
I'm always mad
Mad at the world
Mad at myself
Mad at the pain
And mad at tears
Because I cry a lot
I hate it
Makes me feel weak
I don't like talking about my feelings
I never have
Chasing a picture of a life I'll never have
Chasing a a world beyond my grip
My heart needs saving
But it's out of reach
For anyone ordinary
I love someone, but can they love me back
No ever has
They can claim that they have
Maybe they believe it
But it's not true
If I can't love myself
I can't be loved by you
Always going around
And around
The faster I get
The dizzier I become
Like a high
It blurs out the world
And the darkness stays at the threshold
And I'm safe for the moment
But only for the moment
I'm never truly safe
Never
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2014
All these ideas swarming my head,
but my pen is playing dead
Writers block at it's finest lately -_-
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2015
I am defined
By these blood stained lines
That map out my pain on my arm

I am denied
By these voices in my head
The ones that keep screaming "Harm"

And my head is throbbing
From the tears I have shed
And my heart is throbbing
From the blood staining my bed
And I am hanging
By a very thin thread
I'm just reminded
By my arm, which is red
That inside of me
I  am very much dead
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
I hear the laughter
Echoing through my head
Haha I hear the sarcasm
Floating up from under my bed
No fuzzy monsters
No, the devil instead

It's funny you see
He looks in my eyes
When he tells me the truth
It sounds like lies
Funnier yet that
He smiles so humanly at me
I feel him wearing me down
Until I can't see

Better still
He kills me softly
Without will
He buries me
A whisper of my name
Left still wet on his lips
These deadly, deadly games
Left my soul a fragile wisp

Maybe I should have read the rules more carefully
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2013
Break me to nothing,
Burn me to ash
Cut me to pieces
Leave me for dead

I'll rise alive instead

Hit me and bruise me
Love me and leave me
Fill me then drain me
Take away my home

I'll live inside all alone

Give me a name then take it away
Give me hope then don't let me stay
Give me religion and tell me not to pray
Hold out your hand for me to take

Then burn me alive, left dead at the stake

I'll save myself
From the misery
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Facing these halls 
I'm putting up all these Walls 
You'd think I was building a home Inside myself , an escape to get away,
from all this stuff that goes on everyday ,
when I get tired of running away,
and there's no place to stay 
I lock it all up because no one knows,
I'm ******* up,
I'm missing pieces of my sanity,
and I'm failing with my vanity,
it's getting harder to cover my scars ,
I'm  putting my thoughts in the jars,
to lock them away,
review them another day,
when I can say ,
that hey I'm okay,
who knows if that'll ever happen, 

Trying to stay strong,
before I go wrong,
I'm having suicidal thoughts,
more often then not,
god are you listening?
In falling apart,
I tried to stay true ,
but I'm not you,
I'm not brave,
I could never save,
anyone, not even myself , 

Mom, you say you love me, 
Do you really?
Because I feel like you don't understand me,
I feel like I disappoint you,
and I try to stay true,
I try to believe that you do to,
and I want to tell you how I feel ,
but your gone everyday trying to make money for our next meal,
I try not to steal,
cause I know that you hate it,
but I just want to help us make it,
it's a struggle everyday,
even though you smile,
and I know that you haven't been happy for a while,
sometimes I think it's me,
that if you'd never had a second baby,
you wouldn't be in this place that we, ended up in, I'm sorry mom,
I wish I was better because maybe then you'd love me,
I'm sorry that you hate me,
I wish you wouldn't degrade me,
I'm sorry for who I am,
I feel like a con selling a scam,
I really do ,
Just know that I'll travel the world for you,
that I love you to,
do anything you want me to
because with out you,
everything would be impossible to live through,
at the end of the day I know you'll Be there,
no matter if you care ,
it's something we share
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
Summer, my missed friend
I'm waiting for winter to end
I miss your rays
As you smile bright
I miss the warm days
As I lay beneath your light
I miss the laugher you filled me with
I miss the leaves that flood the trees
I miss the breeze that I snuggled in
And the happiness you granted me
I miss the trips to the lake
And the days spent with my friends
I miss the way the sun would shake
And made the day seem like it would never end
I miss the gentle winds at night
And how I comfortably sat beneath the stars
I miss the summers moonlight
As I lay on the hood of the car
I miss the water wars I would fight
And the bomb fires we sat around
I miss the summer landscape sight
And the heat of the ground
So dear summer please come quick
My soul is in need of your warmth
Your warm smiles so thick
I will openly absorb
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Little girl falls down
And hit’s the ground
Tears in her green eyes
Doesn’t know of lies
Only the sun and the wind
In her hair
Doesn’t know Deaths hand
Is there
About to take her away
She only feels the pain
In her knee
Later on she will see

Falling from the tallest of mountains
She was shouting
For someone to save her
As Deaths hand swept her up
Put her on his wings
Made her sing
Made her sing

She had trusted that thet would keep her safe
But that day
She died just a little inside
She tried to hide
The memories away
She couldn’t know that
Someday They come bring her pain
Back
She would remember
The cold nights of December

Falling from the tallest of mountains
She was shouting
For someone to save her
As Deaths hand swept her up
Put her on his wings
Made her sing
Made her sing  

And the cold nights air
Sent chills down her spine
Her mind was mine
We were one
The damage had been done
She was Death
I was her
We were one
Nothing left but the shadows
But we had eachother

To rule the night
The spirits will fight
But you'll be alright
Reaping the dead
It's in her head
She was born to be
She was part of me

Falling from the tallest of mountains
She was shouting
For someone to save her
As Deaths hand swept her up
Put her on his wings
Made her sing
Made her sing
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Soul snatcher
Death breather
Eyes evil , blue
Soulless monsters
Dark forces
Do their biding
Blood on their hands
Skin, never seen the sun
Face splattered with blood
Hide behind your sheets
They walk your streets
They hear your heart beat
They'll be discreet
Close your eyes

Brilliant soul
Shone above them all
No prayers are heard
When they roam
Evil  feasts
Your alone
With the beast
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Black sparrow , black sparrow
You have fallen prey to death
Little sparrow, sleek and narrow
The moons at its crest
Black sparrow, black sparrow
Fly into the afterlife
Cold sparrow, you've paid your toll
Now end your strife
Black sparrow, black sparrow
Close your eyes
Little sparrow, your path is narrow
But walk it you must, you have died
Black sparrow, black sparrow
Find your tomorrow
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
She eats the souls of those who offend, 
She fails never in the scene of combat, 
Her fangs glisten with the light of the moon, the stars and night belonging to her, 
Her sword of the second moon raised for battle, 
She will slay them all like cattle, 
Manners evade her so she will strike fast, 
She'll steal there souls, and read there past, 
Don't ever challenge the queen of moons, 
She holds a fierce and forceful will, 
She bathes in the winds gentle caresses, 
So silent she may roam, 
She is the moon and she is death, 
A lethal warrior, 
Slay you she will, 
Her steps like a velvet kiss of a feather, dastardly she is not, her blow could **** hundreds she has no mercy for those who unleash her wraith, 
She is the tigress of her jungle, she prowls late at night, strike with venomous hunger, tonight's your last night
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2014
Trees bend beneath the lazy wind strokes,
Snow flakes twinkling in the twilight glow,
Spring was near, but winter awoke
Destined t'was the phantom Snow

He lay his head along the grassy lands
In frosty, bitten slumber
He wisks away summers lush with his hands
And briskly sits upon his throne of December

Oh phantom Snow with his long iridescent strands of silken hair
And eyes fairest of blue
No woman, man, nor God compares
To the beauty that is you

He chuckles amused by words of flattery
Hubris in his winter might
"Allow me, to show thee,
A wicked snowy sight!"

He rose tall and sharp with an icy glare
And stepped down from his throne
He didn't see his brother Summer there
Awaiting to steal his home

"I am the king of the lands,
My winds blow near and far
Give me thy mortal hand
And I'll show you the winter stars"

In laughter the mortal took his hand
Chills slithering down her spine
Summer cackled, everything had gone according to plan
"Alas the throne is mine!"

Snow stepped out side with a grin in place
His heart still cold as ice
The mortal girl with a pretty face
Was now his to entice

The mountains of snow impressive in size
Dripped from dawning heat
Snow spun from the girl as he realized
That Summer stole the defeat

Summer grinned at his brother with an awful sting
Knowing what he had stole
Little did he know his little brother Spring
Was waiting for his plan to unfold
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